CtrlADelete
by skwirelygurli
Summary: Blaine and Kurt attempt to write email. Klaine.
1. Chapter 1

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Please review!**

_Dear Kurt, _

_This morning, I was helping my mom make Christmas cookies. Okay, so I was supervising and sampling the batter. Contrary to belief, I am not perfect. I mumble in my sleep, I have an addiction to Red Vines, and I can't cook to save a hungry man's life. Yes Kurt, I am pathetic. When we get married, you get to be the housewife. At least, the cooking part of it. I'm competent enough to clean the house. Don't ask my mother though. She thinks I need to clean my room. It's organized, in a way that I know where everything is. I'm not one of those people who just rearranges the dust. But considering I'm only here on weekends and holidays during the school year, why bother? _

_Mom trusts me enough to frost the cookies. Then of course, it's her time to supervise. This year we made sugar cut outs for the Christmas party. They're all dressed up like us. The Warblers that is. There's Wes and David (whose arm almost broke off. Oops, my bad.) There are two cookies that ran together while they were baking. It kind of looks like they are holding hands. You and I happened to be the last two left to decorate. I think we look cute together. In cookie form that is. _

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_Dear Kurt,_

_Wes wants me to ask you what kind of chapstick you like best. He's betting any money that it's cherry. Please say it isn't. No, he isn't turning gay. Even if he was, which let me stress again for the sake of my well being he is not, I wouldn't let him kiss you. Because that's my job. Well, not yet. But I'm going to put in my application. Just you watch Hummel. Then we will kiss and sparks will fly. So many sparks in fact that we will ignite the place on fire. Somebody better stand by with a fire extinguisher._

_The reason why he is asking is still a little fuzzy to me. He says that it's all part of the master plan. He wants your first official kiss to taste absolutely amazing. I've narrowed it down to two of my tastiest, at least in my opinion, tubes. Would you prefer Pink Lemonade or Tropical Skittles? Let's be honest; you know you want to taste my rainbow. _

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_Dear Kurt,_

_My feet are freezing right now. That may be partially due to the fact that I can see my toes. No socks, no slippers, nada. You may be asking yourself, "Jeez Blaine, why aren't you wearing anything on your feet? Are you mentally deficient?" For the record, I am not. Yesterday was laundry day and everything is still hanging up to dry on the line in the basement. Now, I'm one of those people who has seven pairs of socks, one for every day of the week. There are six pairs hanging up to dry. That still leaves me with one pair, yes?_

_Unfortunately, little cousins have a thing for annoying their baby sitters. And by baby sitters I mean me. Karlie, who is currently reading over my shoulder would like me to emphasize that she is neither a baby, nor does she need to be sat on. This delightful five year old monster has taken my socks and transformed them into puppets. She has one for each hand, and even though they don't have faces, I swear they are having eye intercourse. You know what I mean, but I can't type that with a small child watching me. _

_Oh goodness Kurt, I think the puppets have reached second base. I think it's time Karlie went to go help her aunt decorate the Christmas tree. Oh Lord Kurt, the puppets are making out. I think one just moaned your name. _

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_Dear Kurt,_

_You owe me one bar of soap. Ever since we have met, I have taken to long daily cold showers. Do you know what it is like to take a cold shower when it is ten degrees outside? Ten. Stinking. Degrees. (I was going to add in Fahrenheit here, but it made my rant seem so less psychotic.) Every time I go into the store now, that cashier girl looks at me like I have two heads. I'm buying soap every week now. That's the least of it all. She tries to flirt with me. The first time it happened, I was nice to her and let her keep the change. (A whole whopping 17 cents. Not even enough to buy herself a gumball. Which honestly she needed, because her breath stank.) The second week she tried to make a joke about how serious I was when it came to personal hygiene. I scrub behind my ears as much as the next kid. Was she trying to use some lame pick up line on me? When she asked me out on a date last week, I politely declined. Cashier girl could not take a hint. I don't think you could call it a hint if I told her outright. She asked if I had a girlfriend. I told her I was gay. When she didn't believe me, I pulled out my wallet and showed her your picture. Is it my fault that yours was on top? Alright, so it is my fault. If you weren't so darned adorable, we wouldn't have this problem. It's your hair, and that voice, and those eyes- I need to go take a shower._

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_Dear Kurt, _

_My parents can't wait to meet you at the party. Don't forget your secret Santa gift!_

_Sincerely yours,_

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_XOXO,_

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_Merry Christmas Darling, Blaine_

_(P.S. My mom is a sucker for a guy in a bowtie. I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, huh?) _


	2. Chapter 2

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Thanks for all of the wonderful feedback. Keep it coming!**

_Dear Blaine, _

_Today I was abducted. Not by strange men in space suits. I might have enjoyed that a little too much. Really, who doesn't want to be whisked away by some guy out of this world? Oh yeah, STRAIGHT guys. They don't know what they're missing. I suppose you couldn't call it abducted. I went along on my own free will. Mercedes (you remember her, the one fascinated with tots, yes?) picked me up this morning so I could come help her do some last minute Christmas shopping. Traffic was horrendous, so naturally we did what any sane teenagers would do in a traffic jam. Pump up the music. I swear, Bruno Mars was blasting so loud, you could most likely hear us on Mars. _

_Around noonish, we were sardined in the middle of the food court. I was eating my Fresco taco when all of a sudden I saw it. Or him should I say. Now no need to get jealous, though you probably aren't. No there was this man, a fashion hazard to all people who wished to maintain their ability to see. He was a level 7. That's on my disaster scale of 1 to 5. He was wearing earbands. With a quilt parka. He looked like a marshmallow in that thing. He was wearing Viking boots Blaine. I was scared it might be contagious. _

_Immediately after lunch Mercedes and I bought a cashmere sweater for you. It's a regal shade of purple. It brings out your eyes. _

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_Dear Blaine,_

_While at the mall today, Mercedes pulled me over to one of those kiosks. You know the kind; the cheap temporary thrill. I literally mean it. She dared me to get a temporary tattoo. There were two rules. One, she got to choose the design. Two, I had to keep the tattoo for the duration of the week. I promise you, it's hidden from plain sight so I won't get in trouble at school. I got a pair of lips with my personal favorite Judy Garland quote. At first she was going to make me get a gothic Hello Kitty. When I threatened to take away her life size poster of All Time Low. The photoshoot where they are all clad in their tightiest whiteys. I'm not a fan of it, but if it works, all the power to it. I like when a guy's hair is out of his face. Even if he does use too much hair gel. Yes, I am referring to you. Let it loose one day this week and I'll let you find my tattoo. I'll give you a hint: 'Twas not my lips you kissed, but my soul. _

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_Dear Blaine, _

_On the way home today, Mercedes car started to overheat. It was expected, traffic was bumper to bumper. She kept wailing on the horn. It didn't help. I did find it impressive how the horn managed to stay in tune to Neon Trees. Someone, not to point any fingers (mainly because you couldn't see me pointing at Mercedes anyway) was taking the lyric "what are you waiting for" just a wee bit too seriously. I thought she was going to give the old lady in front of us a heart attack. _

_We pulled over on the side of the road to let her car cool down. Seeing as though it was useless for us to get cold with the car as well, we got out and entered the nearest building. BIG mistake. We ended up in Madame Voyant's shop. To make matters worse, her first name was Claire. I'm pretty sure her legal name wasn't Claire Voyant. I didn't believe in psychics either though. The two of us walked in, her back turned to us. Then she called us by name and told us to sit down. I was slightly freaked at that point. I made her prove her abilities. She related my past to me, even down to the last detail about the Caribe tea I used at my tea parties. By this time the car had cooled down, but I was enraptured by this impromptu visit. Besides, she seemed old and lonely. What kind of person would I be to leave her?_

_She didn't want to tell me much about my future. She told us that the future is what we make it, and she could unravel the very fabric of time if she did. Pity, I wanted to see if we'd ever reach our happily ever after._

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_Scooch. Scooch. Smoosh. You have no idea how many times that 5 seconds has ran through my head. It was you and me. The two of us, and that creepy picture on the wall. But he doesn't count. Nobody was watching us frolic about the room, you chasing after me. You turned, almost as if to make sure a peanut gallery hadn't formed in the doorway. "Mind if I move in closer?" Mind it? Mon Dieu Blaine! I encouraged it. I relished that moment when you slide across the edge of the couch in an easy scooch, scooch, smoosh. When your body shifted into mine, and our bodies collided, I broke out into a grin harder than a teenager breaking into acne. Luckily, my voice didn't crack like one. No. instead, I scampered over to the piano and you merely followed, invading my personal bubble to play some keys. Pookie, if you keep this up, our relationship will be full of sharps instead of flats. _

One new email from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine,_

_My horoscope says that I will make a good impression on somebody this week. Do you think it could be your parents?_

_Truly,_

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_Thinking of You, _

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_Hugs and Pogo Sticks, Kurt_

_(P.S. Should I wear the green tie or the red?)_


	3. Chapter 3

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Thanks to all of my reviewers, and you silent alerters; keep the feedback coming!**

_Dear Kurt,_

_Yesterday when Karlie was over, she decided to help decorate the house. Apparently, in my absence, my parents never got around to doing it. If their slight tan is of any indication, I'd bet it's safe to say I know why. Last February, they went to Arizona to see the Desert Botanical Gardens. And what'd they bring back? A bag of peanuts from the airport. Which might I mention were stale by the time I got home. They always said they wanted to go back. I guess I figured they would tell me first. It doesn't matter; it's not like I needed more stale peanuts. _

_Anyhoo, my pop had pulled down the decoration box from the attic. It was filled with a lot of fancy stuff. There were about two dozen ornaments that had to be hung on the tree. They were the round colorful kind where if you look a certain way, your face looks all dilapidated. Though I don't think even an ornament could ruin your beautiful face. I let Karlie line up a series of nutcrackers on the coffee table. This distracted her long enough for me to start on the paper chain. When she got bored straightening the men, she came over to help me. _

_Why must kids be so nosy? She started asking about you, about why I email you instead of writing you a letter. I told her that it was because I didn't want to waste paper. Then she pointed out how I was wasting paper making that stupid chain. When did kids get so smart? _

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_Dear Kurt, _

_Whilst rummaging through the decoration box, I found the only homemade item buried in the very bottom. It was a handprint picture. You know the kind, where your hands make Rudolph's antlers? I remember we were making them in preschool. When I had brought it home, my mom posted it on the fridge. I was so proud of myself. _

_Kurt, when I grow old and gray I want to have my grandkids come running up to me and give me a handprint Rudolph. Then their mother will come behind them and pull them away to save us. Of course we will protest and accept their offerings. _

_You may be seeing a gap in my plan here. How can two gay guys have a child who then produces on her own? Your friend Rachel was telling me that she has gay dads. So see, we could adopt. Or even better, find a surrogate mother so the kid can have your eyes. _

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_Dear Kurt, _

_Last night, when I was finally alone, I settled down to watch Project Runway's season 8. I was needing some serious Tim time to unwind. And since you are my best friend (I bumped you ahead of Wes and David after some incidents) I've decided to share with you all of my favorite scenes. First, before we begin, let me just say that Gretchen needs to go find a hole, get in it, and die. I mean really, how dare she win over Mondo? That man was a genius. Also, I want to use Heidi's new word hoshkepôge. Nobody except true PR fans would understand. I can just picture the look on Jeff's face if I were to use it. Kurtie, when we move in together, can we get a dog like Swatch? Wait no, scratch that, I want the Swatch. _

_But perhaps the most brilliant moment of all included our gay king Tim. It even topped Santino's narration of him and Andre going to Red Lobster. He was critiquing Kristin during the third challenge at the party store. My God, she bought WOOLY BALLS. Tim was so fascinated with them, he couldn't even keep his composure. I fell off the couch, rolling around in laughter. I think I nearly hacked up a lung. If you were there, would you have done mouth to mouth? _

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_Dear Kurt, _

_The bumps on the tongue that contain your taste buds are called papillae. There are about 10,000 taste buds on the average tongue that help one taste bitter, sweet, sour and salty. Different areas of the tongue are more sensitive to tastes more than others. For example, sweet is on the tip of the tongue. Care to do an experiment with me Kurt? They say that bitter is in the far back of the mouth. Do you think that if your tongue touches mine in the back it'll taste as sweet as the front? I'd love to find out. You're the only one I want as my second in command to help me with this. Once we move past scientific exploration, we can move on to bigger and better things. They say that you have taste buds on your epiglottis. Tell me, how flexible is that tongue of yours? They say that your taste buds are replaced about every two weeks. I guess that means we'll have to conduct this experiment more than once, just to verify results. Butterflies have taste buds on their feet. We'll have to test their too, to see if either of us are butterflies. I know when I'm with you I feel like I can fly. _

New message from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt, _

_Wear the red bow tie. My mom thinks it symbolizes confidence, if you believe all of that color symbolism mumbo jumbo. _

_Love and Rockets, _

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_Yours 'til Niagara Falls,_

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_Luff for forever and a day...or two,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. It obviously means lust, but I wouldn't go telling her that.)_


	4. Chapter 4

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**Glee is not mine, but I love your reviews anyways!**

_Dear Blaine, _

_Carole brought home a gingerbread house. She needed an extra set of hands, so I volunteered to help her. Apparently it's some big family tradition for the Hudson's. So where was Finn during this family bonding moment? Would you laugh if I told you that he got a job as an elf at the Santa display in the mall? Good, because I love the way your eyes crinkle when you smile. He's actually sporting a pair of reindeer antlers, singing Christmas carols with the rest of New Directions. Somehow Rachel got him to dress up as Rudolph. I'm not surprised._

_We got the walls of the house to stand pretty quickly. I don't think you're supposed to have anything on the inside of the house, but the fudge block helped keep the walls up long enough to cement them together. We didn't have enough gingerbread to make a full mansion like I had wanted. So instead we made a cute little cottage that rivaled the Candyland game board. She invested a lot of time and effort into the project. _

_She shingled the roof with a box of Nilla Wafers while I made a path to the house out of yellow M&Ms. It took forever to sort out all of the colors. But seriously, who doesn't want to recreate a yellow brick road out of M&Ms? Don't answer that._

_I was covered in gumdrop sugar, after making about a dozen flowers. Here I was thinking that we were all done when she wiped out the party mints and told me we were making a fence. _

_Family bonding is tough. _

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_Dear Blaine, _

_It has been too long since I last had a hug. I know that sounds utterly ridiculous of me. I've hugged and been hugged on multiple occasions since break started. First, I hugged my dad. He welcomed it, returning the favor. Then he returned back to the sports game on tv. Then, I hugged Carole. She was happy to see me too, but she had buns in the oven. The kind you eat mind you. I'm not ready for another baby in the family. Finn kind of wants a younger brother that he can teach how to play football and embarrass when his friends are around. That, and I think he wants to see what having a baby around is really like after the whole Drizzle debacle. But come on. No man in his right mind wants to change a boy's diaper. It's a war zone down there._

_I'd rather have a baby sister. One to indulge in tea parties with and manicure her into the perfect fashionista. I'd give her advice on boys, because at that point, I ought to know. I wouldn't let her wear lime green nail polish. (It's soooo tacky.) And somebody has to do her hair. Not that I don't trust Carole in the pigtail department, but Dad and Finn couldn't style their way out of a paper bag._

_Ah, Finn. I tried to hug him too. That was an awkward moment. He's so ridiculously tall, and his gangly arms wrapped around me so tight he could've done a double loop. I thought he was being all brotherly and affectionate. Turns out he wanted to "take the key and lock me up." Yes, my step-brother has the mind of a five year old. Please get a girlfriend Finn. I hear Rachel's available._

_I'm not going to be satisfied until I get to hug you again. And then DRATWATS. For your information that means Double Rainbow All The Way Across The Sky. Oh Gaga, I didn't mean double rainbows like two gays. I just fill with squee when we touch. I think I should shut up now. _

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_Dear Blaine, _

_Bluefly is having a sale on men's apparel. I found the most delectable sweater for half the original price. HALF Blaine. We're talking thirty dollars off a sixty dollar sweater. Now granted, being at Dalton, you will not be able to witness my awesome fashion skills. You know that I've pined after you for this long and I still can't describe your butt to Mercedes? She gets to go on about Anthony and how his jeans shape his rear. For all I know, you could have a granny rump! Please say you don't, or you'll ruin gay guy fantasies everywhere. Or my bedroom at the very least. _

_Speaking of old people, you'd never believe the email I got today. It was from some senior citizen dating site saying they'd found my perfect match. Now I know for a fact that my skin is impeccable. I pay far too much for that anti-aging cream for it not to be. To make matters worse, it was an old lady. I mean, if you're going to mistake me for an old person, could you at least pair me with the right gender? Thank you. _

_I am never going on one of those dating websites. I'd rather be sad and alone than have somebody take advantage of me. Yeah, hooking up in the broom closet of Subway doesn't sound all that fun to me. Who wants to fool around in a store that reeks of lettuce and cold turkey? Besides Santana that is. She didn't have to pay five dollars for her footlong. Brittney wasn't too happy that she had to wait for her half of the Spicy Italian, but they were low on cash. (And by Spicy Italian, I mean the sandwich, not the cashier.)_

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_Dear Blaine, _

_There is something terribly wrong with the world we live in. Trying to pass the time until Mercedes is done caroling so we can indulge in a guilt free Christmas movie marathon (Polar Express and Miracle of 34__th__ Street) I decided to go on Blogthings. Now normally I would not resort to such lowly forms of entertainment. But Dad was asleep upstairs, so blasting Jason Mraz's Winter Wonderland was not an option. Instead, I clicked on a page I remember seeing Rachel click on once upon a time in the school library before she got together with Finn. The quiz seems to believe that I am a fantasy lover. SERIOUSLY? I must know Blaine, is this fact? Do my seduction games of cat and mouse work their ways into your fantasies? I know you've been haunting my dreams. Perhaps haunting isn't the right word. You've been lingering in my dreams. Dancing around like a freaking Sugar Plum fairy, without a care in the world. _

_Out of sheer curiosity, I also took the what condiment are you test. I'm ketchup. You wouldn't happen to be mayonnaise or mustard would you? They're highly compatible. _

New email from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine, _

_Red it is. I hope your mom likes gingerbread._

_Meet you under the mistletoe,_

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_Your Majesties exiled servant,_

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_Missing yo,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. Get it? Since the "u" is gone and all? Okay, even I know that was lame.) _


	5. Chapter 5

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Feedback is welcome and appreciated as usual!**

_Dear Kurt,_

_ I'm terribly sorry that you ran out of your supply of Cinnamint Orbitz last Wednesday. I know that you've taken to chewing a piece every day after lunch to keep your breath minty fresh. Mercedes says you never used to, so I guess it's a habit you recently took up. Don't worry, I've been going to this school for a while now, and although we are fancier than McKinley, nobody is going to complain if your breath smells of grilled cheese and tomato soup. Trust me, I've smelled a lot worse. Never get corralled into judging a belching contest for your idiot best friends._

_ Luckily, one of my I.B.F's let you take a piece from their stash. I know Hubba Bubba Sweet and Sassy Cherry isn't your first choice. But oh my good golly goodness Kurt, you put the hubba in Hubba Bubba. Not so much on the bubba part. Seriously, the way you teased me with your gum should be illegal. Thankfully it isn't, or you'd be in jail for life. Sorry honey, orange jumpsuits aren't your thing. Your thing is skinny jeans. And I'm not just saying that. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest when you asked me to get that pack of gum out of your back pocket. _

_ Do you still taste like cherries?_

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_Dear Kurt,_

_ Remember that day when I ever so awkwardly took your hand and we ran through the halls to senior commons? At that point it was a general crush. One of those, "oh, he's cute but I'll never see him again so let me flirt it up now" kind of deals. So of course, I had nerves of steel. (Let me elaborate to include the detail that unlike my nerves, my heart was mush.) My hand was callused from my constant guitar picking. How was I supposed to know that this would become so much more? I've held your hand countless times after. They've all been demoted to being named platonic. An aid getting out of the car, a connection to not get lost in the theatre lobby, or a defense against the cold. I'm so stupidly insecure about my hands now. I have palm sweat. Y'know how gross that is? It's sick nasty. I never used to have palm sweat. _

_ One weekend I brought back some pumpkin scented lotion I found under my mom's sink. She didn't mind. I swear, that woman has her very own Bath and Body store. I figure if I wear lotion often enough, my calluses can't dig into your delicate palms. _

_ Besides, what else could I blame moist palms on?_

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_Dear Kurt,_

_ They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. I wasn't sure who "they" were. So I wikied it. Apparently, some guy named Fred put the headline "One Look is Worth A Thousand Words" on a picture of streetcars back in 1921. So "they" can't be referring to him. Clearly he said "look" not "picture." But then a couple years later he said "One Picture is Worth Ten Thousand Words" so it's possible some jerkface mixed the two together. _

_ Now clearly the person, who shall remain anonymous for their safety, who sent me a picture of you is the opposite of jerkface. Said person is real peach. By this, I mean they are very kind. I don't talk to fruit. (Mainly because it refuses to talk back.) Yes, this peach gave me a picture from an assignment where you had to express your feelings through song. That's right, I have the Mellenkamp picture. You weren't paying attention when it was taken. You have on this blue vest and a Henley shirt that I would've sworn you'd stolen from Finn's closet. But it fit too well for it to be his. You're wearing a trucker hat with a horse on it. It's the only you thing about it. Horses are beautiful and strong. _

_ They say a picture says a thousand words. I can only think of one. Love. _

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_Dear Kurt,_

_ So I've been thinking. Gay marriage is legal in Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, and the District of Columbia. So when we're of age, you and I are running off to one of the aforementioned. That is, if you want to. I hope you want to. _

_ You've mentioned to me before that you want to wear a white tux on the beach. The seawater will totally ruin our pants, but I don't care. I'll wear my swim trunks beneath and after our "I do" moment we'll run through the ocean. Our modest sized crowd will binge on cocktail foods listening to whatever the DJ is pumping. And trust me, there will be Perry and Gaga. _

_ Since you get to pick out everything else, it's only fair that I pick out the flowers. Every time I dream about this, not that it's that often (once a week is not as bad as Wes and David make it sound) we have purple larkspurs and orange Asiatic lilies. Larkspurs symbolize an open heart and ardent attachment. Purple is for dignity, pride and success. The orange lilies show prosperity, confidence, satisfaction and a passion for life. That's right, I did my research._

_ I've been flipping through my iPod on shuffle to find our first dance. Granted, by the time we do get married it'll be considered old, but I need to complete my fantasy. Mercedes is maid of honor, with Wes and David as best man. (You didn't expect me to choose, did you?) Unless you know some adorable little girl, my dreams will have to continue on with Karlie as flower girl. _

_ How about "Perfect Two" by Auburn? I was going to say "Push It" by Salt-n-Pepa, but I think we should save that for the honeymoon._

New mail from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt,_

_ Mom likes gingerbread, but dad and I are shortbread lovers. This does not give you permission to make jokes about my height. _

_To be continued,_

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_Later alligator,_

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_To sir with love,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. You are such a cornball. But you're my cornball.) _


	6. Chapter 6

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Happy Holidays to all of my reviewers!**

_Dear Blaine,_

_Your mother and I had quite the conversation at the party. When you said dad, you failed to mention he's your stepdad. I mean, not that it was any of my personal business. I was on my way to the kitchen to refill the tray of cocktail weenies and she ambushed me. Seriously, I almost got hot mustard on my bowtie. (Which by the way, thank you for your advice. She loved it.) As she helped me fill the tray and dipping sauces again she told me. She was talking about how great it was that my father was so accepting of me and how she wished Geoffrey could have been more supportive. Then I must've given her a look that read "Who the heck is Geoffrey" because next thing I knew I was getting the whole schpeel. _

_ I'm sorry that your father couldn't accept you for who you were. I'm sorry that he was an abusive homophobe. I'm proud of your mother for standing up to him. I'm glad he's gone. I'm not glad that it took 15 months, 4 days and 3 hours to do. I forget the exact number of minutes, but your mother hasn't. She still remembers coming home late from work to find you curled into a ball in the corner of your room. The look in your father's eye as he straightened his pants and retightened his belt. You didn't deserve it._

_ She told me about the countless nights in the bathroom when your father had gone to sleep. The only flicker of hope was the nightlight, her washcloth circling your back. When she detailed how she smacked him across his face and nearly got thrown into a coffee table, I felt tears running down my face. Thank Grilled Cheesus that the cops showed up. Turned out that an anonymous neighbor heard the commotion and called. That is nothing short of a miracle. _

_ She told me that it's better now and your stepdad loves you. She still keeps a arsenal of body lotion in her cupboard to run over your back. She knows he's not coming back and the scars are fading, but the memories never fade. Is that why you always smell like pumpkins? _

_ If you ever need help reaching that spot on your back, know that I'll be here. Kisses make all boo boos better, right?_

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_Dear Blaine, _

_ Wes is a complete and utter moron. As you know, he was my secret Santa. He got me body oil. With packaging that clearly reads FOR INTIMATE SHARING. He pulled me aside after I had opened it and told me about how it worked wonders for him and his girlfriend. First off, t.m.i. Second off, ewwww. I had bought Thad a rockstar red guitar string bracelet. It was très chic in a cute, on a budget kind of way. He plays the guitar, like you. He promised that when we get back from break he'll serenade me with some Jack McManus. How do you like those apples? Yes, I know fully well that the expression is "them apples," but that is bad grammar. Don't worry, the boy is straighter than a ruler. Oh how I love to push your (gumdrop) buttons. _

_ According to Randy, who was within earshot during this, you've already serenaded me twice. He told me that Wes got bumped from his usual spot so I could be up front. Next to you. Where you would proceed to dub me your soul sister in front of the audience. I tried convincing him that it was because I'm short. He told me that the only thing I must be short of is a few marbles if I couldn't agree you were serenading me. Before that, he said, you serenaded me with Teenage Dream. But in my, um, our defense, you didn't know I'd be there. You picked the newbie out of the crowd and made them feel special. _

_ Little does he know you serenaded me a third time. You may have sang Baby it's Cold Outside, but that roomy was getting pretty hot._

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_Dear Blaine, _

_ I'm surprised between all of the Warblers we didn't manage to kill the karaoke machine. When your nana suggested that we have a sing-off, they went... bonkers. Yeah, I think that'd be the most appropriate word. (I'd say ape, but that seems to be an insult to primates.) I don't think she'll make that mistake again. I swear, the entire night she was poking and prodding me towards the mistletoe. Whether she was trying to find you a boyfriend or get some loving herself, I still don't know. Aw yuck, kissing granny lips. No disrespect towards your nana, but she could really use some chapstick. _

_ I think it was fair that the dastardly duo won. I mean, when they belted out the Chipmunks, I knew that all hopes of winning were lost. The way David wiggled his hips when he sang about his hula hoop made me laugh out loud. A deep gut wrenching laugh. One of the singers, though I couldn't recall which (mainly because I hadn't met them before that night) was really into his song. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he jumped off of the makeshift stage in front of me. There I was, listening to a beautiful rendition of "Snowflakes of Love." I don't know why I'm telling you this, considering you were there, HOLDING MY HAND. This guy was singing right to me, and your grasp was getting tighter and by the end of the song my hand was an unnatural shade of red. Gosh Blaine, here I was avoiding eye contact with some flirt, not letting you go, and you get jealous? _

_ Oh, and the way you retaliated with your "A Winter Romance" remix? I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hot._

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_Dear Blaine, _

_ I can not believe you! I leave my family at home on Christmas Eve Eve (i.e. Thursday) to party hard with you and my school friends. I spent twelve whole minutes adjusting my hair in the mirror. I know for a fact it was twelve because Finn came knocking after ten asking to use the bathroom. Considering that he has the patience of a squirrel, it took him only two minutes to bust open the door and stand pointedly in front of the toilet. _

_ Taking my not-so-subtle cue, I turned on my heel and left. It took me another twelve minutes to pick out my outfit. You recall, the blue sweater that brings out my eyes and the oh so skinny jeans with the tear on the right back pocket that you kept staring at, yes? Of course you do. I bet you also recall telling me that I looked absolutely dashing before yanking me to your bedroom. There you sabotaged my efforts, pulling something over my head before I could protest. I refuse to call that sweater shaped object a sweater. It was hideous. It was itchy. And sadly enough, you had one to match._

_ You didn't stop there though. Out of who knows where you pulled a pair of antlers. A dozen minutes of primping defeated by a holiday headband. A tacky holiday headband. I only kept it on because you called me your Vixen. The way you blushed, they should've called you Rudolph. Did Wes and David ever figure out which one of them was Cupid?_

_ Their argument really SLEIGHed me. _

New email from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine, _

_ Your nana makes really good shortbread. However, Snickerdoodles shall reign superior. _

_Season's blessings, _

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_Yours 'til the cookie crumbles, _

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_Your amazing-tastic friend forever,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. Do they even make balls of corn anymore? Who would ever want a sphere of corn? _


	7. Chapter 7

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Reviews welcome with open arms. **

_Dear Kurt,_

_ Karlie was over this morning. It was a very long morning. She had put on a pouty face and begged me to go outside with her. Do you know how snow and cold is out there? Of course you do, you were here last night. But it's snowed since, and I swear it's an inch higher. You can't even see the laces on my snow boots. Which might I mention, are more fashion boots to wear in the winter than "hey let's frolic!" boots. Now, don't get me wrong. I love frolicking as much as the next guy. (Okay, maybe more than the next guy, but I'm gay, so there.) But frolicking through a field of flowers with a cute boy named Kurt on my arm is a lot different than chasing a small girl around the yard. _

_ She nailed me in the back of the neck with a snowball. I was civil with her. It is Christmas Eve after all. I put her snow packing skills to good use. We made a snowman. There wasn't any coal around (no I didn't put it in her stocking) so we had to get out the button jar. I gave it blue eyes. Karlie had wanted to give it purple eyes, but wasn't tall enough. Besides, who has purple eyes? If you say Elizabeth Taylor, I will personally drive to your house and smack you upside your head. On second thought, please do say it. I could really use some Kurt time after my ho-hum holiday._

_ He has a half eaten carrot for a nose. Karlie wouldn't give the whole thing up because she said it was for the reindeer. That made me think of you, my little Vixen. I blushed about ten unique shades of red and blamed it on the cold. Tell me, how do you make a reindeer look hot? Though, I've never seen a reindeer so I wouldn't know. Mom always made me go to bed before Santa could come. _

_ Too bad you won't be under my tree this year._

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_Dear Kurt,_

_ Last month, at the first sighting of mall Santas, Karlie begged me to take her. What is it about kids that they get a thrill out of sitting on some pedophile's lap and whispering their deepest desire in his ear? On a scale of jolly to creepy, that passes all ratings. It's funny how as kids we suspended belief and told some guy paid minimum wage what we wanted. This guy didn't even look like Old Saint Nick. _

_ He had something that looked like macaroni and cheese in his beard. His beard wasn't even up where it belonged; it was dangling off his chin. His white gloves also had the mysterious stain, so I'm guessing he ate while wearing it. Thing is, we got there at 8 in the morning on the first day. So short of eating mac n' cheese for breakfast, I don't know. Either that, or his sneezes are incredibly projectile. _

_ I could go on for hours, or at least a good ten minutes, about all of Santa's faults. But I wont. Can you believe I got yelled at for not being in my elf uniform? I don't even have an elf uniform. Those stockings would do absolutely nothing for my legs. Then they asked me if I was sure. Well duh, I was sure. No, I just enjoy having little children nag me every two seconds about if it is their time to see Santa yet. _

_ When we finally got up to the front of the line, Karlie plunked down on the guy's lap. He asked her what her name was. If Santa's such a hot shot he shouldn't have to ask these kind of things. This didn't occur to Karlie. She took her candy cane in peace. _

_ This morning she found her candy cane broken in her jacket pocket. She may have possibly broken my eardrums also. I hope not, because I really need to hear your voice right now._

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_Dear Kurt, _

_ Mom and Karlie made peanut butter and cheese sandwiches for lunch. And when I say peanut butter and cheese I mean both on the same piece of bread. Don't diss it until you try it. Nana makes the best homemade peanut butter ever. The whole house smelled of it and kesong puti, the best cheese a Filipino grandmother can make. It's a good thing I'm never home, or nana would be making me fat. If you can get away some time this break, you must come over for lunch. I promise you your socks will feel tighter by the time you leave. Remember, practice self restraint. With all the time I've been spending with you lately, mine has become stronger. Take that nana's leche flan!_

_ How about we get together on Boxing Day? The mall is having a huge sale and I am dying to get some jeans. You know, like the ones you wore yesterday that nearly ripped my heart out of my chest. Except mine will be purple. Because purple pawns. _

_ I'll wake you up before the rooster crows and we can have turkey sandwiches for breakfast. That'll tide us over until lunch. I have to make sure that they didn't use up all the Wonder bread. I don't want to have onion bagel breath in front of you. _

_ I'll bring the Tic-Tacs just in case._

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_Dearest Kurt,_

_ So the other day I was wrapping up all of the Christmas gifts, sans my own. We have this wrapping paper covered with Christmas Doras. I blame mom for not getting to the store in time to buy DECENT wrapping paper. As I was tapping up dad's box I realized the most awesome thing. Somehow the paper was cut just so that the faces lined up perfectly. There were no gaps or overlaps on the picture. I probably couldn't do it again if I tried. I say this because I did, and failed. _

_ Since I had the free time (by this I mean not listening to a word Karlie was saying as she jabbered on about her wish list to Santa) I thought about what else I think is incredibly awesome. So for the most awesome person I know, I present to you my top 5 list._

_5. Catching up to the jerk that just passed me at the next stop light. It's like "In your face Mr. Speedy McSpeedy Pants!" _

_4. The invention of the spork. You know, when I was younger papa convinced me that a fork and spoon had an affair one night and made spork baby. Oh how I miss papa._

_3. That plays have intermissions. When you go to the movies, there is no break. If you need to get up and take care of business you miss part of the show. At the theatre you dash to the bathroom and rejoice in the fact that you still have 9 minutes to spare. I could do a lot in those 9 minutes._

_2. When there is steam all over the bathroom mirror and you can draw whatever your heart desires without any proof that it was ever there. _

_1. That you forgot your scarf here last night. Alright, so maybe I hid it in my closet when you weren't looking. _

_I'm keeping it._

New email from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I told Nana and now she's making Snickerdoodles. I blame you. _

_Warm wishes,_

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_Toodles, _

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_Your elf, _

_Blaine_

_(P.S. You forgot your end parentheses. Therefore, I'll use two.)) _


	8. Chapter 8

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Feedback is always appreciated. **

_Dear Blaine, _

_ Merry Christmas! Or it would have been, if somebody hadn't insisted on getting up at 4 in the morning to open presents. Dad and Carole got me a new cologne which smells absolutely delectable. I'd let you try it, but I already like how you smell. Finn bought me a certificate for Starbucks. They loved the gifts I got them. By 4:30 I was allowed to return to the haven of my bed. Where I slept for the next 3 hours. At that point, Finn had decided to test out his new drumsticks. Curse having a musically talented brother. _

_ I wandered into the kitchen soon after. This was after trying to muffle the sounds with my pillow and eventually caving and getting up. Carole and dad had retreated back to their bedroom. (I have no idea how they could still be asleep. Unless... okay, there's a mental picture I don't need.) Finn had realized I was up and stopped. I made myself a bowl of peaches and cream oatmeal. I am making it perfectly clear at this moment in time that you are not allowed under any circumstances to make parallels to my complexion here. No matter how true it may be._

_ Finn, teenaged monster, er boy, that he is ripped open a package of Pop-tarts. I gave him my favorite look of disdain. He pointed a finger at the box._

_ "It's 20% DV of fiber Kurt. See, it's good for me." He slathered on a generous helping of cream cheese before holding up the container to show me the fat free label._

_"I'm afraid they we're referring to the box Finn. That strawberry Pop-tart is going to through you in an hour tops." I returned back to my bowl of filling oatmeal._

_In an effort to ignore my brother's eating habits I paid more attention to what I was eating. Yeah, this is where it starts to get interesting. Correction: this is were is starts to get more interesting. Kurt Hummel is NEVER dull._

_By this point my oatmeal was safe (i.e. not mouth scorching hot) to eat. I shoveled a bit onto my spoon and let my lips glide over it. Then I started to wonder what it'd be like to glide my lips over something far less metallic. Perhaps another pair of lips or skin. My thoughts only progressed from there. What would it be like to spoon someone? Dear Gaga, my oatmeal was giving me dirty thoughts. And to make matters worse the guy on the oatmeal box was staring at me._

_I can sympathize was Chuckie Finster. Having a Quaker watch me fantasize about you is absolutely creepy. _

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_Dear Blaine,_

_There is nothing more awkward than having your parents walk into the kitchen after a rousing morning of well, um rousing. There I was, fantasizing about some definitely PG-13 things. At this point, I had turned the oatmeal box the other way. Finn elbowed me out of my reverie when they walked in. If my dad had hair, it would've been disheveled. Somebody got a wee bit too friendly with the mistletoe. I was considering making a beeline for my bedroom. _

_ Instead, dad claps me on the shoulder, and sighs. Out. Loud. It's a good thing my mouth was empty, because choking on warm oatmeal is not how I'd like to spend my Christmas. And then the house started to smell like burnt toast. _

_ I set my bowl in the sink and excused myself from my crazy family. I've come to realize that when I'm alone I start to think about you. This time I was thinking about you getting burnt poolside. I'd have to slather aloe up and down that back of yours and you'd moan the whole time. Not out of pleasure, but out of pain. Days later, when the pain had faded I would give you an apology massage. The moans would be of a different decibel than before. Slathering on some good ol' SPF shouldn't be that dangerous to do in public. _

_ I am very flexible. I can reach any and all points on my body with a good sized dollop of sunscreen. Hypothetically, I could accidentally miss a few spots on my lower back._

_ You can get those, right?_

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_Dear Blaine, _

_ There is a permanent butt mark on my bed. Yes, it's my butt. One of the presents I got this morning was a delightful biography of Audrey Hepburn. I made a sizeable dent in it. When Finn strolled in around noon to tell me Mercedes was here, he found me statue still on my bed. Reading. My phone had been turned off and room was silent. _

_ "Dude, is the power out?" Sometimes my brother is completely oblivious. He was just playing video game upstairs. Why on earth would the power be out only in my room? _

_ "Not everybody needs electricity to have fun." I closed my book and set it aside. Mercedes came down the steps and flung herself at me. Oh how I missed her hugs. Now, don't get me wrong. Your hugs rank very high on the hug-o-meter. But you and Mercedes are neck and neck with each other. _

_ We spent two hours gossiping about people you don't know (but definitely should have met by now) and giggling like school girls. She invited me and my hot boyfriend to a New Directions New Year party. By hot boyfriend I think she means you. You are hot, a boy, and my friend. I told her I'd be there. Are you game? _

_I had the most scathingly brilliant idea. I am quoting "Trouble with Angels" here, just in case you haven't seen it. Goodness Blaine, there is more to movies than just Harry Potter and Walt Disney. _

_It was Finn's fault really, but I think I've finally found an adjective for us. Electric._

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_Dear Blaine,_

_ Where in the name of all things fashionable and beautiful is my scarf? The last time I remember having it I was at your house. At the Xmas double eve party. I wore it there and left it on your bed. I went looking for it today, when I was going to walk Mercedes to her car and it was missing. _

_ It's not like I need it, as I have many more scarves to wear. And with my uniform, it's not like I can wear it that often anyway. But could you do a friend a favor and look for it? I don't need it back, but I just want to know that my baby isn't around the neck of some forty year old lady who wears socks with sandals. Please and thank you._

_ If you do happen to find it, you can give it to Karlie. Unless you want to keep it. Which I would not find totally creeper stalker-ish. After all, I still your very first "courage" text permanently saved on my phone. _

New email from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine,_

_ I'll pick up my snickerdoodles when I pick you up for Boxing day. We are going to shop until you drop! _

_Your naughty boy, _

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_Joyeux Noel, _

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_Silver Bells (and cockle shells),_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I see you found my missing parentheses. How can I ever thank you, oh valiant Lord grammar?)_


	9. Chapter 9

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee Fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Happy New Year to all of my reviewers. (and alerters too)**

_Dear Kurt,_

_ I was helping Karlie open her presents this morning. After the wrapping paper was off that is. She tore it off like it was nothing. I mean, what kind of person doesn't slowly tug at the tape and recycle the paper? Sane people, yes I know. _

_ She got the Twilight Barbie dolls. I was surprised when I opened the boxes to find a not so hairy Jacob and a not so sparkly Edward. What kind of over produced movie franchise doesn't check the accuracy of their action playmates? Yes, that is what Karlie calls them. Apparently she's too old for dolls. _

_ So here I was, taking my dad's pocket knife to all of the wires holding the toys in their boxes. Karlie, who was dancing about much like a sugar plum fairy bumped into me. I got a minor cut on my left hand. It wasn't bleeding, but she screamed. And of course, because she screamed, my parents came running. To make her feel better about the accident, mom got out the antiseptic wash. Y'know what I noticed on the bottle?_

_For External Use Only._

_Well obviously. It's not like we like to put to add it to our Shirley Temples and chug. Caution labels can be so wasteful sometimes. It's like the coffee cups that say "Caution: hot." Duh, I didn't order an ice cap. Though I must admit, the labels can be useful on some things. _

_Like you. I'm going to make a giant caution label for you. "Caution: this boy is super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot." On second thought, maybe it should just say "Caution: this boy is MINE." _

_But yeah, my hand is healing up fine. But if you ask me tomorrow, I'll be forced to lie. And then you'll have to kiss it and make it feel better, right?_

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_Dear Kurt,_

_ This year I got to choose where we went for Christmas linner (that's lunch and dinner.) Last year, Nana had chosen Comfort Zone Diner. It was this 1950's themed place. That was her prime I guess. They had the most scrumptious root beer floats. Man, I haven't had one of those in forever. It'd be silly to have one now, considering it is dead cold outside. As soon as it gets warm, I'm stealing you to go on a date there. _

_ Hopefully it won't be our first date. Hopefully by then we'll have been on dozens upon dozens of dates and we won't have eyes staring holes into the backs of our heads for having one cup, two straws. I'm not arguing the idea of one straw. I don't think the world would appreciate that too much. Even pro-gays think that's too germy. It's not like you backwash. Besides, our spit will end up in each other's mouths eventually anyway. Hmph._

_ This year I picked Red Lobster. Karlie isn't a big fan of fish, so we checked out their menu online. The entire way there she talked about the mac n' cheese she was going to get. And unlike me, she was going to get the sundae. Which ultimately led to brain freeze on her part. I would've laughed if my mouth wasn't full. I got Shrimp Jambalaya. It was divine. I would have enjoyed it more, had my parents not been sitting across from us, feeding each other from the plate of linguini alfredo they were sharing. I mean, gag me with a spoon. Or a fork, whichever is closer. Even Nana had to keep her eyes on her plate to quit from staring. We were in public._

_ Maybe I'm just jealous. Here my parents are, making a scene without a care in the world. And the staff and patrons accept it. I just need to keep fishing for love._

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_Dear Kurt,_

_ We gather here today to morn the death of my earbuds. You heard, or um, read right. I have unintentionally killed my earbuds. They were Skullcandy Kurt. You know how hard it is to break those things? Very. Very hard. _

_ It all started on the second day of break. I was missing you terribly and decided to listen to your Youtube videos. Now granted we've texted and messaged, but I needed to hear your voice. I would blast it from my laptop while doing various things in my room. By various things, I mean day dreaming and doodling. You can see I've used my time off wisely. _

_ Mom and Dad could only handle so much of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand." They put me on a limit of ten minutes of Youtube a day. That's the equivalent of three songs. Only three chances to hear your voice in an entire day. Are they mad! By mad, I do mean it in both senses of the word. I was driving them crazy, and if it continued, they were bound to get angry. _

_ You know how I'm sneaky. Okay, so I've yet to be able to sneak up on you. It's like you know the sound of my footsteps. But with the other half of my world, it works. I was able to convert the videos into mp3 files and load them onto my music player. It's more practical, to put in my earbuds and dance around the room to music only I can hear. Then others can't join in, and I can pretend you're my partner. As long as I remember to lock my door so nobody can walk in on me. _

_ It hasn't happened yet. Almost once, but my parents have the decency to knock. That buys me enough time to change the song and open the door. But now my beloved earbuds are dead and I can't hear your voice. Looks like I'll have to put in a request for a live show. _

_ I'll make sure to bring the congratulatory bouquet. _

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_Dear Kurt, _

_ You have no idea how happy I am. I am so happy, I need a new word for it. I feel like I'm on that high that I get around you. Therefore, I dub my mood Kurt-tastic. So why am I feeling so Kurt-tastic right now? Let me start from the beginning._

_ I was enjoying the sunrise. That, and my Eggo breakfast of strawberry waffles and blueberry pancakes. I was taking my sweet time, staring and chewing. The living room was quiet. And then Karlie came in. I polished off my breakfast while she unwrapped her presents. She didn't seem to care that I wasn't opening anything. I had finished halfway through (she was quick at unwrapping) and sat back to watch her finish. _

_ Once all of her things had been taken out of the boxes and ready to play with, mom gave me a bag I hadn't noticed under the tree. I took it from her and opened the card first. No matter how tempted I was to find out what I got, it was the polite thing to do. Then I got to uncovering what was below the tissue paper. _

_ The first thing I came across was a tee shirt. Get this, it says "California Boys" with Katy Perry's name on the side. It reminded me of you. Kurt, understand that if you EVER wear Daisy Dukes, I am not responsible for my actions. Not that you would, but just saying._

_ Inside the tee shirt they had wrapped a Peter Pan Pook-a-Looz. It is the most adorable stuffed toy ever. I may be too old for it, but they know I have a love for Disney. It doesn't have a mouth. Otherwise I'd kiss it and pretend it was you. You do kind of look like Peter Pan. Alright, for the sake of my sanity, I'm going to stop imagining you in green tights. Starting . . . . now. _

_ At the very bottom, there was an envelope. My curiosity perked. I tore at the seal, finding two tickets to Ringling Bros B&B Circus inside. They're coming to Cincinnati in March. It's a Friday night performance. And I have two row J tickets. Which means I'll be in need of a date. Mom suggested I should take a friend from school. Then she subtly winked at me before I pulled her in for a spine cracking hug. _

_ Oh Kurt, please be the friend my mom was winking about._

New email from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt, _

_ Meet me at my house at 5. Don't ring the doorbell though, or you'll wake everybody up._

_Counting the minutes,_

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_Melting your popsicle,_

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_Yuletide Cheer, _

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Bring the coffee tomorrow and we'll call it even. I've got lunch under control.) _


	10. Chapter 10

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee Fiction**

**I do not own Glee. To my reviewers, keep it coming. To the others, start!**

_Dear Blaine, _

_I am well aware that it has been a full four minutes and seventeen seconds since I got home. I was trying very hard not to think about you, having just spent the past 8 hours with you. So I Google searched the first thing that came to mind. Which is why I present you with top 5 facts about the number four hundred seventeen. _

_1. Honorius married Constantius on January I, 417. The year was thus known as the Year of the Consulship of Honorius and Constantius. At the word counsel, I thought of the Warblers and moved on._

_2. Episode 417 of the Simpsons was entitled "Last Exit to Springfield" in which the chalkboard gag was "Mud is not one of the 4 food groups." Well, that's obvious. We should take a mud bath. It'll leave your skin nice and supple. _

_3. The Http error 417 is when an expectation fails. Oh I could on for days about this one. _

_4. It is a magazine that has a section called Fashination coming out in March. It'll preview the hottest spring fashions. It'll be too late for our not-date to the Ringling Brothers (I still can't believe you have tickets) but there are plenty other weekends to look amazing. _

_5. April 17th is Blah Blah Blah day. It's the day that you do what people have been nagging you to do. So which one of us will finally listen to Wes and David, and get a room?_

_Okay, so obviously random googling is not helping me forget about those hazel eyes of yours. I promise, I'm not going Kelly Clarkson on you. _

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_Dear Blaine,_

_That song is stuck in my head. Yes, you know fully well which song I'm referring too, Mr. I-made-a-mixtape. Oh wait, excuse me. I meant to say Mr. I-made-a-freakishly-awesome-mixtape-of-people-Kurt-has-never-heard-before-despite-his-extensive-knowledge-of-all-things-music. I think I'll stick to calling you Blaine. It's a lot easier, and much more attractive sounding. That may be a biased opinion. There may be some Blaine out there that wears socks with sandals. I bet he has a nasty overbite unlike your oh so dazzling smile. I'm going to stop before your ego bursts. _

_Marie Digby is a beautiful artist. I mean, what other singer compares kissing to breathing underwater? Is that what it's really like? I've nonchalantly kissed a friend or two on the cheek and I'm not shy when it comes to my affection towards my father. I try to keep it at a dull roar for his sake. My dad may love and accept me, but he'd rather be watching football and fixing cars than attending tea parties. It's okay, I love him anyway. _

_In fact, my first kiss, or uh kisses, were with a girl to make him happy. I made out with a cheerleader and tasted her lipgloss. I asked her what it was like a kiss a guy. But a teenage gay can only watch so many kisses and hear about so many kisses. Even still, he will still not know. It's like Pavarotti. We've all been trapped or contained in some way or form. When I was younger, I considered my car seat a trap. They strap you in and expect you not to fight it. But eventually my dad came around to unbuckle me and I was free. Pavarotti doesn't get to have the cage opened and fly free. While I can sympathize for the unfortunate bird, I won't know what it's like to be permanently trapped. _

_When Karofsky and I kissed, it was so wrong, that they need to invent a new word for it. Because my vocabulary has been downgraded to that of a three year old, and all I can think of is icky and yucky. Even if he was somebody I liked, his technique was atrocious. It was sloppy and aggressive. If you love somebody, you can do that. On a bed, or against a wall, where you can't flail backwards at the force. I'm glad he didn't attempt to do anything with his tongue. But when he tried to dive back in, I was more ready to wet my pants than kiss him. Heck, I was more ready to battle a dozen ninjas that reek of blue cheese and chicken wings than kiss him. _

_I'm still waiting to experience that special kiss. The one that makes me feel like I'm breathing underwater. What would it be like if we kissed? Would it be like swimming in the rain?_

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_Dear Blaine,_

_Let me start off by saying your nana is a fabulous cook. I'm pretty sure you understood that from my inhalation of our lunch. In my defense, I only had coffee for breakfast, and that was a good 7 hours earlier. It was so chilly outside, and her sopa de maiz (if I remember correctly) was phenomenal. I never thought to put corn and shrimp together, but the onions and spinach really brought it together. My breath didn't stink afterward, right? I swear I poured at least half a box of tic tacs in my mouth to hide the smell. _

_When your nana brought out the snickerdoodles after taking away our empty bowls, I was full. Still, to be a polite guest, I took one. I may have just died and gone to heaven in your kitchen. If I got blood on your floor, I apologize. I promise I'll get your container back to you as soon as we get back. Once Finn finds out that I have cookies, I don't expect them to be around much longer. It's been twenty minutes and he still hasn't noticed them. They're hiding in my room right now. _

_I'll give them up eventually. If not, I'll grow fat and outgrow everything I bought today. That's it, where'd Finn go?_

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_Dear Blaine,_

_Now that I have successfully hidden the snickerdoodles of doom from my sight, I no longer have to worry about ruining my figure. Could you believe, all of that quality time together, gone to waste because of a few cookies? That'd be horrendous. _

_So let's talk about what you bought. Well, I'll talk, you listen. Or write and read. That delicious shirt you found on the rack at Macys was a real steal. When you rolled up the sleeves, and showed off those handsome, albeit goose bumped, arms of yours, you looked so rugged. But in one of those hot farmer boy kind of ways. Not one of those "this has a million wrinkles but it smells clean so I'll wear it." Cough, Finn, cough cough. _

_Oh, and that fedora you tried on in GAP? It was fedorable. That was my lame attempt of making one word out of two. Oh well, I'm not backspacing. Perhaps you'll find my corniness cute? I know you found my v-neck Express sweater cute. The way your eyes trailed down the slanted neckline. Oops, I guess I forgot to wear an undershirt today. My bad._

_I hadn't planned on going into Pac Sun. Somehow you had managed to convince me (trust me, it didn't take much) to go in despite my urge to go to Aveda. But dear Eros, when you pointed to those slim fit Bullhead jeans, I was sold. Man, you've talked about those skin tight jeans before, but my imagination clearly was not as good as the real thing. You better wear those things next time we go out. That is, if you don't mind me staring at your butt._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_What are you doing Wednesday? Finn challenged Sam to a Call of Duty battle, and I really don't want to be home for that. _

_Yours 'til the coco puffs,_

Backspace

_Out like a fat kid in dodgeball,_

Backspace

_Yours 'til turtle necks,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. Finn says to tell your nana that she makes good cookies. At least that's what I got out of his mouth full of crumbs.) _


	11. Chapter 11

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Happy MLK day to all of my reviewers! **

_Dear Kurt,_

_ Today I was home alone, and the power went out. It wasn't surprising. The storm outside was getting pretty gnarly, and visibility was pretty low. Some car probably crashed into a telephone pole. It was relatively dark outside. That does tend to happen in the winter you know. So I pulled out some Yankee candles that my mom had stored in the closet. The one I was using was called __MidSummer's Night, which I thought was pretty ironic. They described it as an intoxicating and masculine blend of musk, patchouli, sage and mahogany cologne. Well doesn't that just sound peachy? Let's break it down._

_Musk: a penetrating __odor__ obtained from a __gland__ of the male __musk deer__._

_Patchouli: __a musky scent reminiscent of fresh-turned soil._

_Sage: dried grey-green leaves._

_Mahogany: a type of wood._

_ So yeah, basically my house smelled like a forest, minus the whole world as your bathroom thing. Trust me, if the candle did smell like a wilderness toilet, I would've chucked it out the window. And then, being in a glass jar, it would have broken, and fire would've been all over the place. And then I would have to call the fire department to put it out before my parents came home. I don't care how television portrays them, not all firemen are hot and hunky. Besides, I like my guys on the lean side. Who cares about the body when you could have the voice? I have yet to meet a fireman that can hit a high F. I have yet to meet a fireman period. _

_ Staring at all those little tea lights lined up on the counter got me thinking. Besides power outages, what else do we use these things for? I'll tell you what. Diddly squat. They sit around, unused unless the power goes out. Isn't that truly a shame? What if the lights were purposely off and the room was lit, not to cause eye strain, but to set a mood? A romantic mood. Perhaps some Egyptian cotton sheets and music that goes on unnoticed in the background. Or better yet, a very bubbly bath, where you don't have to worry about who walks in on you, because it's like you're wearing a bubble suit._

_ Not that your birthday suit doesn't look mighty freaking fine. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_ This summer, you and I are going mini golfing. I don't care what you have to say about it; it is inevitable. We will dress to the nines, holes that is. 9 holes each equals 18, like the course. See how I worked that in? I thought it was pretty clever. _

_ Of course, we'll have to go shopping for hideous pants first. What game of golf isn't complete without ugly plaid pants? I don't care if it's just putt putt. We can get matching shoes, so we coordinate. I would hate to clash with you. Then you'd make me stand a clear three feet from you at all times to avoid fashion crisis. But we can't wear the same thing, because that'd make us look like our mommy dressed us. Thinking of you as a brother creeps me out. Brothers don't mack on each other. They bro hug. You know, the hand clasp, yank, and pat pat. Not even if I got to touch your butt Kurt. _

_ And even though you probably know how to golf, I'll guide you every step of the way. I'll wrap my arms around you just so, and my fingers will slide down until they are graced with your presence. Then we will swing, and defeat the windmill. Or y'know, whatever hole we're on. Then we'll get all excited and kiss in the heat of the moment. Or at least, that's what I'm blaming it on. _

_ Feel free to argue that it was something more. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_ Being around you is like trying to sing a lullaby. Back when Karlie was a baby and not this bundle of "let's make Blaine's life as difficult as possible" I used to watch over her. Back when I could call it babysitting without being corrected. She was actually kind of cute back then, when her diaper wasn't full and she didn't have drool dripping down her face. _

_ She'd come over and have some lunch. Then we'd tuck her in the makeshift nursery we had created out of the guest room. She got to use my old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sheets. They were way too big for her, and I was afraid they'd swallow her whole. Which would've been a bad thing because her parents were paying me five bucks an hour. Not minimum wage, but enough for me to buy a bag of Red Vines. Yes, my obsession was around even back then. I'm surprised my teeth never rotted and fell out. _

_ Having her stuffed with pureed squash, I'd sing her a lullaby. A favorite of hers was "Puff the Magic Dragon." A boy can only sing about so much string and sealing wax. Alas, I resorted to singing her songs that I had heard on the radio. The radio does not play lullabies. Do you know how ridiculously hard it is to sing pop music without being poppy? I'm not talking seeds here. It'd be like lulling a baby to sleep with Gaga. Now a calmer song, like Blueberry Kisses would be much easier to tone down than Bad Romance. _

_ When I'm around you, I have to control my urges too. Some of those urges are belting out into song, despite who is with us. Others are a bit more steamy shall we say? _

_ Now I really want a blueberry muffin. A hot and steamy one, like you._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_ I know that we're going to the circus together in March and I'm taking you golfing this summer. Which means that in the heat of the moment we will kiss three to six months. That's a quarter of a year. I don't know if I can wait that long. Therefore, I propose that we take a tour of the Spangler candy store and museum. Won't that be sweet! Of course it will, it's candy. _

_ The factory is open Wednesday through Friday during the winter. Problem is, they're only open from 10-3. We'd have to skip school to go. Unless of course we go on that staff development day. Isn't it convenient how all of the staff goes to their conference on the same day so they don't have to hire substitutes? It's a shame really to waste such valuable learning time. Unlike at McKinley, substitutes don't mean paper airplanes and name switching. Trust me, I'm pretty sure neither of us want to be in the shoes of Wes or David. _

_ Oh, they even have a Dum Dum trolley Kurt! I've always wanted to ride one. Well, at least since 5 minutes ago when I saw the picture on their website. But once I've seen something that I want, I stick to it. Which is why I'm pushing this field trip so badly, so I can finally kiss you. _

_ Can we still call it a field trip if we leave the other Warblers home?_

New email from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt, _

_I am free Wednesday. Disney marathon for two?_

_Muchas Smooches,_

Backspace

_Yours until the Hunchback of Notre Dame finds a chiropractor, _

Backspace

_Yours until George is no longer curious, _

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Nana appreciates the compliments. She also said to slap him for talking with his mouth full.)_


	12. Chapter 12

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Happy National Pie Day to the reviewers!**

_Dear Blaine, _

_Finn just scared the snot out of me. And when I say snot, I'm serious. I don't mean any other word that alliterates with snot, like salami. Because for one, salami is gross. It's made of __pork__, __chopped beef__ (particularly __veal__), __venison__, __poultry__ (especially __turkey__), and horse. At least, that's what Wikipedia claims. And although Wiki can be sketchy from time to time, I'm not testing this. Because once again, let me emphasis, ew gross. _

_He honestly did scare the snot out of me. I have the disinfectant cloths to prove it. I was going through a dusty box of mementos I had found in the closet and he snuck up on me. I was really absorbed in this photo album I was looking at and he tapped me on the shoulder. All the dust that had been accumulating in my nose just spewed out. That's right, it was projectile. He laughed at me. _

_Turned out he just wanted to know if I wanted if I had any more cookies. He apparently ate them all yesterday and now he wants a snack. I told him I didn't, but that I'd ask if you did. If not, I'll go buy a box of white fudge Oreos. He loves those things. I'm really hoping I don't have to though. It's chilly outside. _

_That, and you coming over with more cookies means some quality Blaine time._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_ As I went through my box of mementos, I came across one of my favorite children's books, "The Frog Prince." I always pictured myself as the princess, without the goofy clothes. Clearly I'd be dressed in something much more fetch and practical. Oh my gosh, Mean Girls moment! I heard that ABC Family is coming out with a sequel. It's staring a handful of girls off of Disney Channel. Have they gone off their rockers? They say it's going to be more heartwarming than the original. Uh, hullo? The whole reason we loved the original was because we wanted to watch Cady and Regina be obnoxious and catty to each other. It's called "Mean Girls", not "Let's Help the Disney Girls Launch a Career That won't Fall to Pieces in Two to Three Years." Oh yeah, that worked so well with Lindsay Lohan. Get a Clue. _

_ If I'm the princess, that makes you the frog. Except in real life, you're more like the handsome prince. Either way, won't we live happily ever after? I sure hope so. No offense to you, but if you're sitting on a lily pad catching flies, I want your tongue nowhere near me. Unless I turn into a frog too, like in "The Princess and Frog."_

_ We are renting that. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_ Never ever buy shaving cream from the dollar store. Not that you'd ever need to buy something form the dollar store. But Carole is on a coupon clipper kick, so anything we can get cheaper is obviously better. Or at least that's what she keeps trying to tell me. She asked me if I needed anything at the store, so I asked her if she could bring home some shaving cream. When she brought it home, I decided to get to work on my invisible beard. I know there is no hair on my chin, but I like to keep it clean cut. Me + beard= ick. _

_ I got in a fight with the can. Typically, I am not a violent person. You know this is true, as shown through my past history with Karofsky. But I tortured this can. I yanked, I pulled, I grappled the stupid cap, but it would not budge. I was ready to throw it at the wall, but knowing me, it would rebound and hit me in the head. Then I'd have a bruise the size of Montana. There are mountains in Montana mind you. You could only imagine what they'd do to my face. Not pretty things, that's what. _

_ My dad got pretty worried at all of my grunting. He told me he could hear the huffing and puffing from upstairs and came down to make sure I hadn't smuggled a boy into the house. Not that he has a problem with me having a guy over. But when he hears grunting and hasn't met said guy yet, that leads a parent to think certain things. He muttered a few things under his breath and popped off the lid for me. This is way too much work for a clean shave. You better appreciate my stubble free jaw. _

_ I know a couple of ways you could show your appreciation..._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_ My underpants are being held hostage. Now you may think that is the most bizarre thing you have ever heard. But I kid you not. Someone with the initials of Finn Hudson has raiding my drawers for my for drawers. Unless you are still stuck in total shock, as I was for a good five minutes, you're probably wondering why. _

_ Turns out, when Finn asked Carole if she had bought any Oreos, she offered him carrot sticks and hummus as an alternate snack. He thinks that I complained to her about his eating habits (which looking back, wouldn't have been a bad idea) so now he can't have sweets. Right, because I didn't give him a plate of cookies yesterday. _

_ While normally Finn would be okay with eating health food, today he was really craving sugar. So since I wouldn't run to the store or your house to get him cookies, he decided to take my underwear hostage. All of the clean ones anyway. I was going to take a shower, but I'm afraid he'd steal the ones I'm wearing and then I'd have to resort to a makeshift diaper. _

_ And Kurt Hummel is not a baby. Even if his skin is soft like one._

New email from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine, _

_ Sounds fabulous. Your place or mine?_

_Your eternal soul mate,_

Backspace

_May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the privates of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch,_

Backspace

_Always to the stars, _

_Kurt_

_(P.S. Is there any way your nana could make more cookies? Finn is holding hostages.) _


	13. Chapter 13

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Thanks to my lovely reviewers!**

_Dear Kurt, _

_Karlie came over today. She brought with her an entire suitcase full of Barbie dolls. I remember her telling me that she was too old for them. Which can only mean one thing. She has decided today is National Torture Blaine. No you may not participate. Unless you plan to sexually torture me with more videos like Single Ladies. Male hips are not supposed to swing that way Kurt. And that should not have been your hand on your butt. That is MY hand's job. Well, it hasn't been hired yet, or even put in an application. But two certain friends, who shall be named Des and Wavid have told me multiple times as the video is stuck on constant replay to man up and do it. By stuck I do not mean that I have a playlist of Kurt videos that are on endless loop until my battery dies. That'd be absurd. Though I must say, you looked rather Kurttastic. Kurtastic? How do you merge your name and fantastic together? One t, or two? I mean it's far too tedious to type out Kurt-is-so-mega-freakin-hot-that-the-North-Pole-just-experienced-a-heat-wave-thanks-to-the-fact-that-he-is-so-fantastic. My word count says that it is 119 characters. That's a wee bit extensive. _

_Right, I about to tell you a story. I did not get completely sidetracked thinking about you, despite what the upper half of this email looks like. Karlie set up a Barbie doll hair salon in my living room. She decided that her Kelly doll needed dreadlocks. I now know why they are called DREAD locks. She ended up looking like Medusa by the time I was done. I took a picture for your viewing pleasure. Next time she decides to play Barbie hair salon, I'm breaking out the scissors. _

_But I'd gladly run my hands through your hair any day._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Today for lunch Karlie and I had chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs. We found them at the back of the freezer behind all of Nana's leftovers. She was at an exercise class with her friend Flo. Now I love Nana and her friends very dearly. Especially when they let me in on their monthly poker night. They play their Buddy Holly and Louis Armstrong all night long and chug down cream soda that actually comes in a glass bottle. But all that cream soda has to go somewhere, and lately it seems to be taking up residence on their hips. And today I had the distinct pleasure of seeing said hips in elastic exercise pants. Exciting, I know. Luckily Karlie missed it, or I'd be watching hours of Hannah Montana to erase that form her mind. And in my opinion, Hannah can pack up and leave for Montana and stay there. _

_For this victory, I gave myself a mental high five. But considering I high fived myself, I guess that'd make it a clap. Which makes it sound way lamer. And we all know that I'm not completely lame. Lame people don't eat dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. Lame people do however dunk said nuggets into ketchup. That's so passé. We drowned our dinos in hot mustard. I was sensible enough to take a limited amount of mustard. Karlie put a giant glob on hers and despite my warning, shoved the whole thing in her mouth at once. Boy did her eyes water. I tried not to laugh as she drank half a carton of orange juice. Which proceeded to get all over her brand new woobie hoodie she got at Target. Luckily she had a shirt underneath it. I'm glad the tacky sweatshirt could get destroyed. It was ugly._

_I'm putting a lock on my closet. Knowing you, you'll introduce my holey jeans to a half gallon of Tropicana. But be aware, these jeans accentuate my butt muscles in a very positive manner. Are you willing to risk it?_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Karlie left me, and her sweatshirt after lunch. Her parents gave me one of those 'You-better-fix-this' looks, and I gave them one of those 'of-course-right-away-madame-slash-mister' looks. I rinsed the sweatshirt in the sink and tossed it in the washer with some laundry detergent. I threw some socks in there too, but that's not relevant. Well, at least now you know that I wear clean socks. Or somebody in my family has clean socks. _

_As my socks and her sweatshirt got washed, I decided to work on a crossword puzzle. Normally I'll help Nana fill in the clues that have to do with current celebrities. She had left one on my bedside table that she must've been working on over breakfast. I say this because there was a mysterious stain that looked like blackberry jelly on the corner of the page. At least, I hope it's just blackberry jelly. _

_I was plugging along fine until I hit 12 down. It was a ten letter clue for a famous Nirvana singer. Some of the letters had already been filled in from the across words. Even still, I would've known the answer. Kurt Cobain. Without the space of course. So it was like kurtcobain. Which if you say it fast enough, sounds like Kurt, co-Blaine. I like the sound of that, don't you? Wes calls us Klaine, and David calls us Blurt. But Kurt Cobain is, er was, famous. And that's what our relationship would be if we were together. Famous. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_Fiddle my sticks and fudge my ripple. I can not believe it. I was so rushed to get away from cashier girl I forgot to buy another tube of toothpaste. I went out while the laundry hung to dry in order to buy another bar of soap and toothpaste. He hair was pulled away from her face today, and her roots were showing. I could've sworn she was wearing lipstick too. It was hard to tell, since she picked a natural shade, but it extended too high to convince me otherwise. You'd think she was going for Angelina Jolie lips. She probably was. Her lips do tend to look thinner than cardboard. _

_They were all out of the winter care beauty (in my case handsome) bar for Dove, so I had to pick another kind. Seeing as no other customers around, cashier girl came out from behind the counter to help me. I think this was the first time I've ever seen her legs. I know she has them, but I didn't need to know that she had them stuffed in a pair of two sizes too small regulation uniform pants. It was khaki skinny jeans. And they were giving her a muffin top. _

_I grabbed the closest thing I could, which was a bar of cranberry scented Dial. So I apologize if I smell like Thanksgiving dinner for the next week or two. But she was really giving me the creeps. So I begged my mom to pick up another tube for me on the way home from work. Since she still likes to pretend I'm a kid from time to time she bought me sparkle toothpaste. It tastes like bubble gum, but it is so cool! _

_I'd share it with you, but you already sparkle enough on your own. _

New email from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt, _

_We can have our movie marathon at my house. Nana is going to have some of her poker buddies over, but she won't hear a thing behind closed doors. _

_Yours until Rick rolls right off the Earth,_

Backspace

_Stuff and fluff,_

Backspace

_Inserting an obnoxious smile face here,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Nana's already on a cooking spree. She already made macadamia cookies, but I'm sure she'd be glad to make more.)_


	14. Chapter 14

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Thanks to my reviewers!**

_Dear Blaine, _

_Remember how during the Little Mermaid Sebastian was singing "Kiss the Girl" and we were all cuddled up on your couch even though it was a very long couch? It was so long to the point where I could stretch my feet out to their very tippy toes and have you do the same and we'd both fit. Now I know we're both considered short so I shouldn't freak too much over this. Two Finn's wouldn't have been able to fit. I probably couldn't even fit with Finn on here. But this couch is big enough to use as a bed. _

_Then when my phone vibrated against your thigh and you practically skyrocketed through the roof. Which I'd say I'm sorry for, but I've been told it's not nice to lie. Your reaction was near priceless. I say near, because when you jumped, I was entangled with you and also went flying. Had I been safely secured on the opposite side of the room with a high resolution camera, then it would have been perfect. _

_So, about that text. The one that I read over, replied and calmly slid my phone back into my pocket at. The other pocket mind you, so it wouldn't bug you if it went off again. I told you at the time it was no big deal. Well, I figure you have the right to know what got your feathers more ruffled than a turkey on thanksgiving._

_It read: Wanna go to Breadstix tomorrow?  
_

_I replied: It's a date. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_During the process, it seemed completely sane. In every romantic comedy I've ever seen, which I assure you is more than enough, the girl always tears apart her closet looking for the perfect outfit. There's a montage of throwing hangers onto the bed, modeling every outfit in the mirror to discard it into the reject pile. Of course I did not do the latter, because I did not want to waste all of that time pealing my skinny jeans off my body. I did however form the pile, in my case mound. It did not occur to me that it'd all be sitting on my bed when I returned two hours later. _

_Thank goodness nothing was terribly wrinkled. I spent the rest of my evening repacking my closet. At that point, I started missing getting to wear what I want at school. They should have casual Fridays. Or at least Warblers should get new costumes so I can have some variety. Might I suggest a trip to Gap for some new costumes? _

_In case you're wondering, I ended wearing a lilac cashmere sweater and my butt hugging jeans. I figured if they worked on you, maybe they'd work on him._

_I was right. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_When you told me that there were other gay guys at Dalton, I wasn't exactly keeping my track of who fell into what column. My gaydar was off once before when Sam was the new kid at school. McKinley I mean. His hair was so unnaturally blond. I still swear that he dyes it, no matter how much he wants to deny it. I can spot roots a mile away. Though if you have the right to hide your curls with unhumanly massive globs of hair gel, I suppose he has the right to hide his natural hair color. _

_I knew that you were gay, and that Wes and David weren't. You had told me that. (Unless Wes and David have some secret relationship they're trying to hide. They are awfully chummy.) I knew my room mate was straight when I walked on him Googling certain... images shall we say. That was an awkward first impression. _

_When we watched that educational video in gym class I figured out which side a lot of people belong on. I honestly don't get why we watched it, considering half of the gym class has probably already done it. And they didn't even discuss gay intercourse. This is when I discovered Theo was gay. _

_I can't believe I bonded with a potential boyfriend over hanky panky._

_That could've sounded better._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_Theo and I actually met in the chemistry lab. I had been working on Le Chatlier's Principle when he interrupted the class to bring a note to the teacher. I didn't notice him at first. Though if a monkey wearing a tutu waltzed into the room, I wouldn't have known. I take my equilibrium very seriously. My lab teacher had been helping the student next to me balance an equation. So on his way, he accidentally bumped into my chair and apologized. Then he realized I was new. Well, newer anyway._

_Him: Aren't you in my gym class? I'm Theodore by the way.  
_

_Me: Kurt Hummel. Would you prefer I call you Theodore or Theo? (in a lame attempt at humor) Or would Adore suit your fancy?_

_Him: Poppet, don't you think it's a bit early for love declarations? _

_Then he winked at me and I melted like a double dip of Pralines n' Cream on a hot summer day. Did I forget to mention he has a British accent? No I didn't, but he does. You probably inferred that from the whole poppet bit. _

_So when we started our tennis unit in gym, he asked me to be his partner. And we kicked some major balls. Tennis balls that is. _

_With all of this love (tennis) and adore (Theodore) and chemistry (okay this one is self explanatory if you have half a brain) he must've decided that he likes me enough to invite me on a date to Breadstix. I was tired of waiting for you. That's why I said yes. And you know something? I'm glad I did. Theo is a really great guy. He's an underwater photographer on weekends and he donates frequently to the Pajama Program. Oh, and he has a helix piercing. Normally I'd find pierced ears a total turn off, but I was pleasantly surprised when he showed me. He gave off this whole sensitive rebel vibe to me. _

_I'd still drop him for you in a heartbeat._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_Theo asked if I wanted to go on a double date. Would you like to go out with his friend this Sunday for lunch?_

_Constant vigilance,_

Backspace

_To sir with love,_

Backspace

_nananananananana..._

_Kurt-man!_

_(P.S. I know I'm a dork, but Theo and I were talking about our favorite superheroes. Can you believe his is Buzz Lightyear?)  
_


	15. Chapter 15

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. This one's for all of you who voiced your opinions in your reviews last chapter. You rock!**

_Dear Kurt, _

_I've been pacing around my room for quite some time now, thinking. For the past ten minutes, it's been pace pace pace table. Pace pace pace corner. Turn pace pace... well you get my point. I'm wearing holes in my socks. And they're nice socks too. They're the warm fuzzy ones that you pay five bucks for but are totally worth it because they keep you so nice and toasty. And then you take them off and you have brightly colored lint stuck between your toes. But I have learned the double sock trick. You wear a normal pair of socks under the fuzzy ones so all of the lint gets on the sock, not your foot. I felt pretty smart when I figured it out._

_Yes, I am stalling. I'm not prepared to tell you what I'm stalling about, because I'm, well stalling. I've only stopped pacing because I stubbed my toe on my bed. It just jumped out at me. I'm telling you, it had nothing to do with the fact that I wasn't paying attention. I succumbed to an online magic eight ball. I asked it some questions, which shall remain unknown for the time being. Otherwise what I say will have no shock value on you whatsoever. _

_I like you Kurt. Not in a buddy buddy kind of way. You're one of my best friends and all, but it's beyond that. I was going to use some corny analogy that compared us to my socks, how we were once separate, like losing a sock in the washer and how everything is so perfect when you find your match. But I figured by now you were sick of me rambling on about socks to avoid telling you that I'm in love with you._

_I am holding back the urge to hit the backspace button. But honestly, I don't think there's another way to say it. I love Kurt Hummel. That felt kind of good to say. I'm going to shout it from the rooftops. Okay, not the rooftops, because there is snow and ice up there and I really don't feel like breaking every bone in my body this evening. So I'll just do it from my perch on the bed. I LOVE KURT HUMMEL._

_Mom just shushed me. One should never interrupt her during Bobby Flay. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_Seeing as how it is New Years double eve , I've been thinking about my resolution. Last year the Warblers and I put a bunch of random resolutions in a hat and drew them at midnight. For your personal amusement, I will list the highlights._

_Randy: I will do less laundry and use more deodorant._

_Nick: I will ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number._

_David: I will kiss a stuttering fool._

_Randy thankfully broke his resolution when a teacher yelled at him for wearing a shirt with the remnants of a mustard stain on it. Apparently he had run out of shirts. You don't get much choice with these uniforms. Nick actually did ring the stewardess, but she just giggled at him and asked if he'd like more water. It didn't help that the lady he asked was ten years older that him. _

_ David's resolution gave me the best blackmail I could ever ask for. I was sitting on the couch with Randy, working on our math homework. Wes and David were across from us, bickering over who was better, Jason Derulo or Ke$ha. They got into a war over it. David put up quite the fight, firing out questions and answers that Wes couldn't top. At a particularly difficult question, Wes stuttered, trying to find something to retort. I knew what was coming, so I pulled my camera phone out and motioned for Randy to do the same. David yanked Wes forward by the tie and they kissed. Long and hard, might I add, considering both of them had girlfriends and the resolution never gave a duration of the kiss. We hid our phones as Wes crossed his legs awkwardly and David readjusted his tie. _

_If I grabbed you by the tie, would we be that hot?_

New message from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt, _

_I Facebook stalked your boyfriend. Is he your boyfriend? I know you said that you were going on a date, a double date, but are you together? Anyway, I looked him up. I went through his wall posts and read them all. Including all of his relationship statuses. In the past month, he's dated four different guys. That's like, a guy a week. That's not cool. You think he'd run out of guys, but apparently he's met them everywhere and anywhere. One was a German model for crying out loud! It's like he saw you and was like, fresh meat, yum. _

_I went through his pictures. I skipped over the album of underwater photography, even though it sounded really cool. He marked each one by season and year. I started with last spring, where I got to see the wonderful world of ear piercing. You seriously like those helix piercings? I always thought you were into more wholesome, hole free ears. Those things can get infected you know. One day you'll be kissing his ear (you seem like an ear kisser) and you'll feel metal, not skin. Or worse, dry icky pierced skin. _

_In his summer collection I found a picture of him tonguing an ex-boyfriend. How intimate can you be if you're holding out a camera to capture the moment? That guy was seriously sucking off his face, like a vacuum cleaner. You think it being his ex, he'd delete the picture. But no, it's there, with the caption "Fun times in New Jersey." Oh how I wish the tram car would knock them straight off the boardwalk. Not that it could, but I'd like to see Theo get hurt. Perhaps when you two break up we can burn him at the stake?_

_That's it, I'm de-friending him. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_In the far away land of Fa de La there is a cliff. A very high and tall cliff that takes forever to climb. Forever in this case meaning 45 minutes during a rain storm. No one ever climbs the cliff when it isn't raining. Now this may sound absurd. But nobody wants to stand out on the cliff if they're not sad. And if the prince climbing the cliff is sad, then it rains. His emotions control the weather. _

_When the prince is happy, it is bright and the sun beats down on Fa de La. His anger brings out the thunder, his rage brings tornados. When the prince was young, it rained a lot. I'm talking massive floods. The potato farmers were not happy. Then the prince was happy again, and there were many potatoes. The prince opened a tater tot stand for people who passed through the land._

_One day a stranger came by to steal the tater tot recipe. However, he was a terrible spy and shared his grievances with the prince. There was a harsh wind that night. The weather was erratic. One moment there'd be sun, and the next day there'd by thunder. The farmers were not pleased at all. But soon the visitor moved to Fa de La. There were many days of sunshine, and the farmers were happy. _

_The new guy was making friends very quickly and went on a date with another villager. Slowly, the prince climbed the cliff and stood at the top. "I love you," he called out across the expanse. It echoed back, but he did not feel loved. The rain poured on._

_Kurt, will you please come back so the sun can shine again? It'd make the farmers happy. They really love their tater tots._

_And I really love you._

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_Dear Kurt,_

_I would be honored to accompany you on your date. Where are we going?_

_Elephant shoes,_

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_Drowning in a whirlpool of love, _

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_Holla back with the window cracked,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. All good superheroes wear tights. But you know I have a soft spot for all things Walt Disney.)_


	16. Chapter 16

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Happy New Episode Day to my reviewers!**

_Dear Blaine, _

_Taylor Swift can have her teardrops on her guitar, but mine are falling onto my keyboard. The one I'm typing on, not some cheap plastic toy you get at Toys R Us. I'd much rather have my fingers glide across the keys of the piano at Dalton. But since school doesn't start back up until Monday, and it's only Friday afternoon, I'm settling for the virtual keyboard online. It's not nearly as satisfying and I'm half tempted to break into McKinley to play all sorts of unchained melodies. _

_And if Brad, our, I mean, their, pianist got angry, I'd give him the right to chew me out. It'd take my mind off what happened. Besides, I've never heard that guy talk once. What's up with that anyhow? He sits there and smiles. Nobody's ever directly asked him a question that required more than a nod of the head. If I was still going there, I'd go up to him and say hi. But I'm not. Which means I'd be in some serious legal trouble for breaking into the school. Drat._

_Taylor__'s voice is pounding through my earbuds so badly right now that my eardrums might explode. "Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them." He told me he really, honestly likes me. He didn't push it when I only let him kiss my cheek. I couldn't bring myself to have my first kiss that counted to be in a public restroom. We had both gone in after dinner, me to wash my hands, and him to pee. As I was adjusting my hair in the mirror, he finished. He wrapped his (unwashed) hands around me, but I didn't turn around. I stepped out of his grasp to let him at the sink. He took the towel I held out for him and leaned in for a kiss. I panicked and turned my face. His lips collided with my cheek. _

_They were cold and wet. It was hard to resist the urge to wipe his spit off my face. When he dropped me back home, I scrubbed it off._

_My cheek is wet again. Will you dry my tears?_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_Finn asked me to go with him to Walmart today. He needed to get some poster board and markers for a history project. I wasn't exactly sure why he wanted me to tag along, but I went. We took turns singing to songs on the radio before the commercials came on. Then Finn turned down the volume and gave me a weird sideways glance. He waited until we got to a red light before he started to talk. He started out with one of those awkward "So... Kurt" lines, so I knew I was not going to like this. He gave me the basic big brother lecture on boyfriends. Seeing as how he's been one, he told me that he knew this firsthand. I learned more about Finn than I needed to. He turned into a parking space, and twisted his body to look me in the eyes. Then he pulled me into a hug, with our seatbelts still on. I undid mine, and squeezed back. And then he told me he was proud of me. _

_We headed back to the crafts section. We grabbed a large piece of poster board and were looking over the wide variety of markers. He was insisting on the scented ones while I pointed out that a simple pack of Sharpies would be much more economical. I was trying to convince him that if we saved marker money he could buy a bag of Goldfish. The edible ones, not the pets. I don't trust Finn or Walmart when it comes to pet fish._

_Then we heard the crash from the next aisle over. We stuck our heads around the corner to see a guy kissing a girl in one of the uniform blue vests. Her back was pressed against a display of Scotch tape and didn't seem to notice her little peanut gallery. Upon further inspection I realized who it was. Theo was swapping spit was swapping spit with someone else. A girl no less. I'm not upset that he's bisexual, all the more power to him. But he cheated on me. With a Walmart employee. Finn volunteered to punch his face in for me. I would have accepted, but I really didn't want to get kicked out of Walmart for a stupid guy. _

_I don't know about Finn's project, but Theo and I are definitely history. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_After the Walmart debacle, I decided to call up my girls to come over. Mercedes was the first over and she chatted my ear off about how she had a bad feeling about Theo. She told me many ego boosting things that made me feel better, if only for the present. Rachel and Quinn joined us in belting out many songs on the American Idol video game Rachel brought over. Finn sat quietly on his half of the room, gluing pictures all over his poster. I caught him watching Rachel a couple of times but had the grace not to say anything. We had a brotherly moment in the car, and I was not ruining that. When Tina suggested we make avocado face masks he didn't even question the goop being spread across our faces. In fact, he joined us after he finished his project, a chip scraping some of Rachel's mask off. He ate it in one swift motion and then realized what he did. He seemed to be looking for ways to apologize, but she waved it off like it was no big thing. I smell progress!_

_Brit and Santana stopped by during the second round of Idol. Santana almost clobbered Rachel, so Finn excused the two of them to the other room. I have yet to be updated on their progress. The girls had to leave for Cheerios practice and soon it was just Mercedes, Tina and me. Soon Mike texted Tina and she was off. Mercedes dug a chip into the leftover avocado, mulling over her thoughts. She picked up her coat and headed towards the stairs. _

_"Theo never could replace Blaine." With that she ascended the staircase. And you know what?_

_She was right._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_It has been a long day. It went from good, to awkward, to horrible, to awesome, to upsetting all in the duration of nine hours. I woke at 6 to have the last bowl of cereal left in the box. I'd say that's pretty lucky since my next alternative was Finn's fiber Pop-tarts. Then I got "the talk," from my brother no less. Then I caught my boy macking on a Walmart employee. A female employee to make things worse. So I invited my glee girls over and we made face masks and sung our hearts out. And then Mercedes left me with some words that made me more confused than Brit with a jigsaw puzzle. _

_I knew she was right when she said it. That's not why I was confused. I just didn't know what to do about it. Let's start by stating some facts. _

_1. You are openly gay and single._

_2. I am also openly gay and single. _

_3. Our eyes have caught each other's so many times I'm starting to think you don't blink. _

_4. Wes has threatened to lock me in a closet with you. _

_Would it be wrong of me to say that I'd enjoy number 4 very much? If Wes acts on his impulse, fact 1and 2 would need some editing. That is, if you feel the same way. Let me spell this out in black and white. Mainly because no matter how this news makes me feel, spelling it out in neon rainbow letters is obnoxious. And difficult to read. I don't want to put this in yellow font and have you try and guess at what I'm saying. Because I am dead certain about this._

_I Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, have fallen hard for the most dapper Warbler in all of Dalton Academy. _

_And unlike tripping and falling flat on my face, it's not a painful fall. I feel like I'm walking on air. _

New Email from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine, _

_Things didn't work out between Theo and me. But I can get you his friend's phone number if you're still interested. _

_Toodles with oodles of noodles, _

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_Lick it-like a stamp, _

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_Bushel and a peck, _

_Kurt_

_(P.S. Do you think you could come over? I could use one of your superhugs.) _


	17. Chapter 17

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I don't Glee. Remember to review!**

_Dear Kurt, _

_You would think that after that superhug I'd be sore. I mean, I did run and practically jump into your arms. If I would have squeezed you any harder, I swear glitter would have come out of your pores. That's right, you're so freaking spectacular that I bet your stuffed with glitter and a light that would blind me and everyone in the state of Ohio. I loved how you squeaked when I lifted you off the ground. You weren't expecting that someone shorter than you could pick you up, huh? There was a fifty-fifty chance that I'd fall backwards when I did it. I thought this through on the way over. But say hypothetically I would've fallen over. Then you, being in my arms would've fallen too. On top of me. And our faces would've been close. Like thisclose. I'd tilt my head up ever so slightly and they'd be so close that my favorite picture of the two of us couldn't slide through. I'm talking without the frame here._

_ So either way, I'd win. I could either hug the sorrow out of you, or end up in compromising positions with you. Great, now I'm slightly disappointed at my strength. If we fell over, so much could have happened. But seeing as you just broke up, I wouldn't hurt you like that. You are way too amazing to be hurt the way you have been. _

_But kisses make it all better, right? _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_I really could use your blanket right now. It is seriously like ten degrees in my house. Okay, so the thermostat says that it's a whole 68. Which means somebody must've taken the other 58 degrees and hidden it. I've tried sitting in different rooms, but none of them are warmer than others. So I decided to stay in my room where I can at least crawl under my bed covers. Thankfully my laptop is fully charged. This means tat I have a whole battery to use on talking to you. Even if I just left your house and got home ten minutes ago. Now here I am, reheated takeout in one hand and laptop in the other. I changed into my pajamas early. I am very comfortable. So now I'm writing you emails, most of which I never find the nerve to send. _

_If I were to buy my own blanket, I don't think I'd want it as much. Yours is broken in, with crease marks where our bodies are supposed to be. Yours smells like the aroma that can only be described as Kurt. Yours which you are under, with me. It doesn't matter how high I turn the heat, it's not the same. Because even if I were to have my own blanket, it wouldn't come with a Kurt. Which is a good thing for me, because you are mine._

_And you can't put a price on love._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_When you went on your date Thursday, I went to the store to pick up some groceries for my mom. I was contemplating on whether to buy green or red grapes when a girl, who was a good three years younger than me came up. At least I think she was. She still had that young and innocent look to her. And we all know that girls our age aren't like that. With maybe the exception of Rachel. But you've told me stories about her dressing like stars from Grease and Britney Spears, which are not very innocent. _

_She picked at the apple display next to me, pretending to study them for bruises and imperfections. She put a couple in her basket before turning to me. _

_Her: What's your sign? (I feel the need to add here that she tried to puff her chest out and wink at the same time, which made her look like she was wincing in pain.)_

_Me: (not in the mood to put her down gently) A stop sign. As in "Stop, I'm gay."_

_Her: You have a boyfriend?_

_Me: Not officially._

_And then you'll never guess who came over at that time. Cashier girl. But she wasn't working cash today. She was on floor duty. _

_Cash: Can I help you with anything?_

_Me: Can you please tell her I'm gay?_

_Cash: Sorry sweetie, but he's taken. And he has his picture in his wallet, so it's pretty serious. _

_I hope the cashier girl is right._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_I've been thinking about how one day I'm going to ask you out. Not out as in ,"Would you like to step outside master Hummel?" NO, I'm talking "Would you like to go out like we normally do, but feel free to hold my hand and kiss me when the words escape you." Seeing as how I've never asked a guy out, and you've never been asked out by a guy, how would you like it to go down? I've dreamt up a couple of scenarios. For your information, when I say dreamt, I mean I was asleep, not just a synonym for thought. Moving on... _

_1. Kidnap your hairbrush and write a ransom note that reads "If you ever want to see your hairbrush again you will go on a date with me tomorrow night."_

_2. Stick a rose on your desk of all of your classes with the rest of your bouquet in my arms at the end of the school day. _

_3. Whisper the truth in your ear during one of our "friendly" cuddling moments, sending shivers down your spine._

_Or you know, I could just tell you outright. But when we have grandkids running around, I want to tell them the amazing story about how Grandpa Blaine asked Papa Kurt out._

_I promise to leave out the juicy details. They may not be ready for those. _

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_Dear Kurt, _

_Would you like to get together on Sunday, as a final hurrah before we go back to school? I have a gift card and I'm really itching to buy some new clothes._

_May all your handcuffs be fur lined,_

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_With a hug, kiss and grunt, _

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_Don't let the bed bugs bite,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Yes, you can be my fashion consultant. I'll need someone to tell me if my butt looks good in my pants.)_


	18. Chapter 18

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. To my reviewers, have you checked out Red Balloon?**

_Dear Blaine, _

_Whoever decided that letting you in my room before 9 on a Sunday was a good idea must've had some serious mental handicap. My hair was stuck in all directions, and I had morning breath. Yes Blaine, that's the kind of breath you get at 7:30 in the freaking morning. Before you have a chance to wake up, grab a comb to tame your hair and a toothbrush to mask the lovely scent of drool and last nights leftover Chinese food. _

_See, had you not gotten up at the crack of what I assume must have been dawn, this situation could have been different. My hair would have been properly washed, blown out and styled. I would've eaten my eggs and toast, and my teeth would've been flossed and brushed. And my breath would've been mouthwash fresh. _

_But no, Finn messaged you last night and invited you for breakfast. So I got up, in my pajamas no less, hair askew. We sat through an awkward breakfast of my brother eyeballing you. And then you pulled a toothbrush out of who knows where and we brushed our teeth. And of course, we had too be all cliché. I think a bruise is forming where our heads bumped. It's as if you were waiting for me to spit. Were you?_

_By the way, Finn approves._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I should have known better. But when those jeans didn't hug your curves like they should, I just had to pick up another size. I didn't expect you to get stuck in them. Then again, I didn't expect you to force the zipper up until you did fit in them. First off, holy donuts. I'm not talking average, run of the mill glazed here. I'm talking chocolate frosting and sprinkles galore. If I wasn't so embarrassed and had to turn away to keep the safety of my pants in tact, I would've taken a picture. They were hot. Which considering we're a whole 2 days into January, that's saying a lot. _

_When you stuck your head out the dressing room door again, I was hoping you were back in your normal clothes. But instead you cracked a joke about needing some heavy duty pliers and I knew we were in trouble. I did not know that you were going to yank me into the very cramped room and lock the door behind us._

_I pulled your pants off with some forceful tugging. You think the greater spirits beyond would take pity on me for this. But no, they made me look up, when I definitely should have been looking down. You weren't going commando or anything, but I've never seen you in your underwear. I can not get that image out of my head. _

_Then again, I'm not sure I want to. _

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_Dear Blaine, _

_I hate that lady. You know very well which lady I'm referring to. But in case you have suffered amnesia in the past couple of hours, let me remind you. _

_We were in the dressing room and you had managed to find the perfect pair of jeans. You opened the dressing room door and I entered. Luckily there was enough room for both of us. I sat down on the chair inside and you did a little twirl._

_You: How do they look?_

_Me: hot... I mean good. They fit your um, butt really well. _

_At this point I could feel sweat accumulating on my body, and it had nothing to do with the warm air they were pumping through the store. Neither did it have to do with the cozy scarf you grabbed a hold of, yanking me up and off the chair. _

_You: (noticing my slip up) Will you please kiss me senseless?_

_Lady I was referring to that shall be called Mrs. Homophobe: (coughs so hard I think she cracked a lung open) Do you mind taking you gayfest elsewhere? There are children around._

_You: Okay. (close the door only to realize the lock is broken) Drat. Kurt, could you turn around?_

_And then you changed out of the pants into your own. Which was ridiculous, because I had just seen you in you underwear a couple of stores back. But whatever makes you happy. _

_Personally, for me, that's you. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_Bring those pants you bought with you to school tomorrow. I'll take them to the tailor to be hemmed. Now I know you were hesitant on buying pants that needed tailoring, but you'll thank me. Those babies were on clearance, so the price will even out in the end. You're still paying less to get them tailored than for a pair of full price jeans that aren't nearly as flattering._

_Let's face it Pookie, those jeans hugged you in so many places you'd think the Teletubbies were having a party. Big hug! Oh goodness, I've just revealed a terrible secret of my past. Now everyone will know that Kurt Hummel watched Teletubbies as a child. My favorite was Tinky Winky. Make no comments about his questionable sexuality if you value your hair gel. I will steal it and you will be forced to go au naturale. Hmmm, maybe I should steal it anyway._

_We can't have you tripping over your pants. Because while I'd like to say I'll be there to catch you, I can't be. That'd be called stalking. And that is frowned upon in our society. If you fell and broke your face, it'd take time to heal. That'd mean that I couldn't kiss you without pain. Not that I've ever kissed you, thanks to Mrs. Homophobe. But I'd have to wait that much longer to kiss you. _

_So you either get your pants hemmed or you go pantless. And while I am eerily fond of this idea, I'm not having you catch cold because you aren't wearing any pants. _

_Though hypothetically, if you did, I'd be willing to play Nurse._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_Can't wait to see you tomorrow. You better bring my scarf back. _

_Don't forget to be awesome,_

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_Tennis score of zero, _

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_Til the U.S. drinks Canada Dry,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. If you need a scarf, you can keep it. It looks good on you.) _


	19. Chapter 19

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Happy President's Day to all of my reviewers!**

_Dear Kurt,_

_I'll have you know that fifteen minutes into my first day back at Dalton Academy, I already wanted to hide under a rock. Not literally. Do you know how long it would take to find a rock big enough to cover me, but small enough to not crush me like that spider you had me kill yesterday? By the way, that look on your face when it faced its ultimate demise was very cute. The way your nose wrinkled in disgust. I could just imagine the same expression on your face when you change our future child's diaper for the first time. _

_I was supposed to be taking notes, not doodling in the margins of my notebook. You see, I had finished writing down the notes that were on the board. There was a scribble in the margin from when I had to revive my dying pen. Being the excellent multi-tasker that I am, I took to drawing and listening at the same time. I transformed my doodle into a little heart. Inside the heart I started to draw the letters KH. My teacher peered over my shoulder and made it clear that I was being watched. There was breath on my neck, and it was not attractive. At all. _

_I smiled my apologies and she continued. The entire class she was watching me. As the class filed out the door, I walked up to her desk to give her a proper apology. And as I was heading out, she called one thing to me. _

_"I hope everything works out for you and Master Hummel." _

_If only giant rocks could fall from the ceiling. _

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_Dear Kurt, _

_I have that darned song stuck in my head. When Wes had caught wind of our Disney movie marathon that we had last week, he decided to send me a list of every Disney song known to man, with the hopes that I could find one for the Warblers to sing. Let's face it, New Directions would NEVER attempt to do a Disney song. But we could appeal to the judges soft side. Who doesn't love the magical feeling you get when you watch Aladdin? It's not the genie casting that spell. It's the music. _

_So after much consideration, and input from the omnipresent Karlie, I went with Colors of the Wind. I may or may not have picked it because it fits your voice so well. I had wanted to do something from Little Mermaid, but Karlie raised a good point. All I'd have to do is suggest it and the room would break into a chorus of Kiss the Girl. Which I did mark down as my second choice when I replied to Wes. _

_Apparently the council decided to go with my second choice. First is the worst, second is the best. I think they did it just so we'd kiss already. I appreciate their valiant effort, but any Disney fan knows that they don't actually kiss in the number. _

_That, and you're not a girl. That would explain why I'm attracted to you. _

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_Dear Kurt,_

_I can't believe I gave you back the wrong scarf. I had hung it up in the closet, next to the one I took from you. I was in a rush this morning after waking up late. Somebody was keeping me in dream land. At least I didn't have to pick out my outfit. One of the perks of the uniform. If I had to find an outfit it would've taken at least half an hour to find something to suit your fancy. _

_I pulled out the first scarf I found and wrapped it around my neck. How was I supposed to know which gray scarf I took from you first? Only you would notice. Well, you and David who upon my entrance asked me why I was wearing your scarf. I told him that my neck was cold. He unwound it and inspected my neck. At first I wasn't sure what he was looking for. Then it hit me. _

_"You're not going to find any hickeys David. We didn't kiss." And thank the good spirits that you and Wes didn't decide to walk up until after I had finished my sentence. I was trying to be seductive and wrap the scarf around your neck, pulling you in close. And as our faces were invading each other's personal bubble you had to burst mine._

_"So that's where my other scarf went to." You stashed it away and all of a sudden your neck was very bare and very tempting. _

_Curse David for putting ideas in my head. _

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_Dear Kurt, _

_When Nick told me that one day I'd get you in my pants, I thought he was kidding. Yet there you were in the locker room, in my pants. I rather liked you being in my pants. It's just not how I thought this would all go down. _

_I get that your deodorant exploded across your gym clothes. I also get that I had an extra pair of shorts for when it got warmer. Naturally it made sense for me to loan you my shorts. So technically, you weren't in my pants. I was in my pants and you were in my shorts. Luckily they had a drawstring. Because no matter how much I'd enjoy seeing you not in my pants, especially considering you got to see me outside of mine, I don't want to share the view with the rest of the world. Why else do you think I kept my calm yesterday when that homophobic lady yelled at us yesterday?_

_It's a shame that you took your clothes home to be washed. I kind of liked the idea of you wearing my clothes. It gives a sense of ownership. I have your scarf. If I were to give you one of my old t-shirts would you wear it? It's not designer, but I'd show the world that you are mine. Even if we aren't together. _

_Yet. _

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_Dear Kurt,_

_Nana is working on fixing my new pants. That's what you get for being short._

_Hugs, Smooches and Nibbles,_

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_Yours til the lettuce peeks to see the salad dressing,_

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_With no particularly clever way to end this,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I'm bringing you leftover pizza for lunch tomorrow. Hope you like black olives!) _


	20. Chapter 20

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Thanks for the reviews!**

New email from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine, _

_Or should I say Kurt? What exactly were you thinking when you signed the letter with my name? Well obviously you were thinking of me. It must just be because you were writing to me. Certainly you don't fantasize about me like I do. About you that is. But if you are Kurt, then that means I'm fantasizing about myself. Which I'm not. That's narcissistic. And creepy. _

_I'm going to assume your name is Blaine, and you aren't some random Kurt who has taken over Blaine's email address. Hackers wouldn't know about your pants dilemma. Unless they were a hacker that knew you. Like a Warbler who went spying on us when we went to the mall. That is a complete invasion of privacy. Then again, I have the feeling you have an easily guessed password. There are much more important things on your mind._

_Like me?_

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_Dear Blaine, _

_As I was putting my scarf back in my closet, I noticed something. Besides the fact that it was not the scarf I loaned you yesterday. I already knew that when I was heading towards you in the hallway. I saw you wearing it and for a minute I thought you were going to keep it. Care to explain why David was sniffing around your neck like a bloodhound? I noticed out of the corner of my eye while Wes chatted my ear off about his Christmas break. Can you believe that he got a musical pool table in his house? I have got to learn how to play. You can guide my cue stick. _

_As I hung it in its proper place, the ends brushed up against my nose. It didn't smell like the cologne I was wearing yesterday. It smelled like me, but something more. Have you been using pumpkin scented lotion? It smells good. Like the pies my mom used to make for Thanksgiving. I miss that smell._

_If my scarf is any evidence, we smell quite lovely together. Maybe next time our scents mix, it'll be more than scarves, mmm? _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_There are many things that a person can be addicted to. For your convenience, let me list a few and their cures. _

_1. Smoking. Don't you just hate when you go to the mall and there are a bunch of idiot smokers standing around the front door? Then it's like walking through a cloud of smoke just to get to the sale on fashionable boots inside. Is it so much to ask to get into a store without being suffocated by some good ol' carcinogens? I get that they're addicted after being stupid enough to start the bad habit. But seriously, buy the patch or pill. Chewing gum is a lot cheaper than cigarettes nowadays. Plus, it'll give you some mighty fine breath. _

_2. Gambling. If people wanted an adrenaline rush, they should join a sports team. I can tell you, the adrenaline rush that I got off the football team and Cheerios, despite how short my stints on the teams were, was sufficient. It wasn't the 'oh-my-gosh-a-hot-gay-guy-is-holding-my-hand' kind of adrenaline rush, but not every gambler has a girl/boyfriend. (Then again, neither do I and I still felt the rush.) Even more of a reason not to run off to Las Vegas to elope and waste their life savings. _

_3. Shopping. While I may have a fascination for the sport, I'm not addicted. And yes, it is a sport, because one can break a sweat while doing so. That and speed walking around the mall is my kind of exercise. But still, if one were to have a compulsive shopping problem, they should leave their wallet, or at least their credit cards at home. Window shopping can be fun too, especially if you have a cute friend on your arm._

_4. You. Seriously, have ever carried a conversation with yourself? Not out loud of course, but you really are an amazing person. That may be because we have a lot in common and I find it easy to relate to you. Even if you were to be bound and gagged so that you couldn't talk (not to give them any ideas) you'd still amaze me. How many other guys can pull off triangular eyebrows like that?_

_They have yet to discover a cure for number four. They being Wes and David. _

_Between you and me, I don't want them to. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_Even though my dad and Carole are now married, they still go out on dates like two love struck teenagers. Tonight they went out to dinner to some fancy out of town place. Finn called up Sam and asked him to come over for video games and microwave burritos. He declined, saying he and Quinn were studying tonight. Then he called Artie who was busy explaining to Brittany that her cat was not playing 'horsie' with the neighbor cat. When a cat is mounted on top of another cat, they are not riding around. In a sense they are, but in the dictionary sense they aren't. So it was taking forever for him to explain it to her and couldn't come over. He was even desperate enough to call Puck. Surprisingly, he was over at Rachel's house, practicing a duet. _

_Everybody was too busy for Finn. Which meant despite the date I had with Teen Vogue and my plate of wasabi tuna rolls, I was to spend time with Finn. Beans fell out of his burrito as we watched ESPN. Every time somebody scored, he clenched his fists in victory, or defeat and more came out. It was one packed burrito. On the other side of the couch I maneuvered my chopsticks like an expert, managing not to get any of my sushi on me. I wish I could say the same about Finn. The front of his shirt was covered in melted cheese. He didn't seem to notice. Or he didn't care. _

_I wanted so badly to rip his shirt off and toss it in the laundry. But after last year's gay spectacle I'm not going back down that road. I've moved on from Finn. I'm done studying his every word, over exaggerating every touch and moment. For one, we're now step-brothers, so ew. Secondly, I'm moving on to the bigger and better. And when I say bigger, I really mean smaller. Bigger in spirit, smaller in size. Nobody could be bigger than Frankenteen. Besides, I'm attracted to a certain short fellow. _

_Your height makes it much easier to stare into your eyes. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I'm not racist when it comes to my olives. I'll bring the salad._

_Toota Loo Kangaroo, _

Backspace

_143,_

Backspace

_The fat lady has just inhaled,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I was really tempted to sign Blaine, just to push your buttons. But considering my lunch is in your hands, I decided against it.) _


	21. Chapter 21

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. To my reviewers, should I continue Sober, or leave it as a oneshot?**

_Dear Kurt, _

_Before I transferred to Dalton, I watched Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. Now you may think that I'm a total weirdo for admitting this, but it was comforting knowing that I wasn't the only one with problems. Even as I've grown older, I've gone back to Ned for advice. Not the advice I've been giving you. They never addressed being gay. Not that they would. It was a kids show and the main characters always get together in kid shows. Cookie was not Ned's type. So therefore he had to choose Moze. And therefore there was no need for an episode for gays. _

_When I was back at my old school I tried to use my teachers as a bully free zone. Load of luck that was. When I came to Dalton, I didn't need the tips anymore. And then you showed up. And suddenly I found my self reading over Ned's tips once again. _

_'If your crush doesn't like you remember you could still be friends.' Sitting next to you at that Breadsticks table talking about anything and everything I realized that I liked you. I knew you were gay, but I didn't think you liked me like that. So I was your friend. Your BEST friend. MALE best friend, that is. Mercedes is obviously you best friend. _

_'Control jealousy; don't let it control you.' On the stairs of McKinley after we confronted Karofsky I wanted to kiss you. I turned towards you, but then chickened out. I was jealous that Karofsky stole your first kiss. I hadn't known you that long, but I knew that I wanted to kiss you. Blame it on the hormones. Instead I controlled myself and asked you out for lunch. I didn't call it a date. You weren't ready. _

_'Remember that relationships rarely last forever.' I don't like this one. I think if you find the right person it can definitely last. If I die first, you better believe my spirit is coming back to haunt you. If you die first I'll probably die shortly after. Not from suicide. Of a broken heart._

_Let's hope for both of our sakes that Ned was wrong about that last one, okay? _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_A wise woman, who we shall call Nana (because if I use her real name she will smack me upside my head) told me something the other day. I had been deciding what to wear for our Disney marathon and she came into my room to find me knee deep in the contents of my closet. _

_"It doesn't matter what you wear, it's how you wear it."I plucked a clean shirt from the top and pulled it over my head. Then I followed her down to breakfast. For some people like you, style is very important. But Kurt, you could be wearing my old steamboat Mickey t-shirt and still pull it off. It's the way the clothes hug your curves. I wish I could hug your curves like that. _

_Over breakfast, I was trying to text you. But I couldn't think of what to say. Nana was getting frustrated with the way I'd pick up the phone and set it back down. "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." So rather than try and be witty, I pinned a little smiley face to the end of the message. Which ultimately became a real smile on my end, causing Nana to scold me for smiling with my mouth open. I caught her humming as she scrubbed the dishes. Point proven._

_As I was daydreaming at the counter, Nana cleared her throat. I was thinking she was going to tell me another one of her 'It's not what, it's how' speeches. I was pleasantly surprised. _

_"It's not how you dream, it's what you dream." It didn't matter if I was in bed, snuggling against a teddy bear or daydreaming at the counter. It mattered what I was daydreaming about. _

_I was dreaming about us._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_Ever notice how in movies the weather always matches the mood of the story? If a character is in love, the sun shines. It doesn't rain at all, yet the lawns are still that perfect green and the flowers are blooming like normal. Then there's the dramatic scene where the clouds mock the teary eyed actor and cry their own hearts out. It rains and pours. Funny how the weather patterns changed like that, huh? And when the lovers run towards each other in the rain, which has been pouring for quite some time, neither of them slip and fall. The earth is covered with water, and we don't get even one squeaky boot? Kissing in the rain does seem fun though. We should try it some time. _

_And in the movies, why does the bad guy always die? Either that or they are cast off and put in jail. Then some big movie producer thinks that because they hit big in the box office that it's a good idea to create a sequel. In the sequel the bad guy magically returns and the hero has to kill him off for good this time. They always have really lame henchmen too. No why can't Karofsky and his henchmen learn from example and go away?_

_I think it'd be really cool if music started playing in the background of my life. Like when I'm upset they could play some dreary song to match my emotions. And when I kiss you, they can play some power ballad where the moment our lips touch the big note of the song explodes. _

_I'll get Wes right on that._

New email from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt,_

_Wise choice. Make sure that you don't put any onions on that salad. I do not want to have stanky onion breath when I kiss you. The way I see it, you'll have pizza cheese stuck to your lip and I'll lean in to wipe it off. Things will lead to other things and the Warblers will settle their bets. Do you know how awkward it was to find a betting receipt in David's backpack when I borrowed his math notebook? (I had doodled a little too much in class that day.) He doesn't know that I know. _

_I should've gotten a raincheck when we couldn't kiss in the dressing room. At the time I was more concerned about getting out of there before that lady came back. But dressing room kisses aren't romantic anyways. They involve itchy tags and small spaces. Neither of which I'm too fond of. _

Message has been sent.

Ctrl-Z

Ctrl-Z!

Ctrl-Z?

_Dear Kurt,_

_I really should not let Karlie near the send button. Please ignore that last email. _

_Franticly pacing the floor, _

Backspace

_I guess I'll hang my close on this line, _

Backspace

_Shine on, you crazy diamond,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Karlie told me to tell you she says hi, but since I'm angry at her, I'm not going to. Drat, I just did, huh?)_


	22. Chapter 22

**Ctrl- A- Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. A special thanks to all my reviewers. Make sure to check out my newest Klaine project Sober.**

_Dear Blaine, _

_Thank you for the delicious pizza at lunch today. I especially appreciate the way you dove to protect my slice when Jeff sneezed. Olives on my pizza are fine. Mucus? Not so much. _

_Where did you order this? It doesn't taste like the local pizza joint my dad orders from. He normally gets pepperoni, so I can't say that for certain. But the cheese tasted different too. I was detailing it to Finn when I got home and he started drooling. He said it sounded like it was homemade. _

_Oh, and that extra something I tasted? He said it was love. His eyes rolled very far into the back of his head when he said this. Sure he was being sarcastic. That doesn't mean I can't hope that he's right. _

_When you reached your thumb across the table to wipe the cheese off my lip it was almost surreal. The entire table had gone silent. One minute it was carrot sticks chomping and chocolate milk chugging and the next it was silent. Somebody gasped, and I swear it wasn't me. I kept mine in. It would've been the perfect time to kiss you. But we had an audience and I had garlic breath. It's not like I could pop out a Tic Tac and then kiss you. _

_At that point, I was lucky if I could breath. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_The Warblers were acting rather peculiar today. More so than normal. Not that hoity toity way that they used to be when I first joined. There were some days I honestly thought Wes would break that gavel of his if he clenched it any tighter. Today he looked happy behind that desk. Jovial even. It was kind of creepy._

_It started before I even got to Warbler practice. He and David, who I swear must be either attached to his hip or secretly dating him, were standing at my locker. Normally they don't bombard me until I'm at your locker. It was only natural to be suspicious. Besides, nobody grins like that when they're innocent. _

_I've gone the whole day ignoring the whispers that we get in the hallway. It only seemed to happen when I was around you. At some point during lunch it occurred to me that they may be whispering about you. But then Wes pulled me aside and asked me the most bizarre question._

"_So why didn't you kiss Blaine back there?" I gave him an incredulous look. _

"_Why would I? We're just friends." Lately that seems to be my fallback phrase. Just friends._

"_I just figured after that email you guys would be together." I quirked an eyebrow. His face fell. "You didn't know about that? Oh God, Blaine is going to kill me." _

_Please don't kill Wes. Then they'll put you in jail and I'll fall into a deep depression and die. Besides, I haven't even read the email yet. _

Two new messages from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine, _

_You really should follow through on your promises. You said, and I quote "...__you'll have pizza cheese stuck to your lip and I'll lean in to wipe it off. Things will lead to other things..." Things did NOT lead to other things. Unless by other things you mean my cheeks turning the color of the tomato on my plate. _

_What exactly were you doodling in math? Never mind, that's not important. David had betting slips? That would explain why they were pestering me this morning, trying to find out who won the pool. I can not believe that they were betting on us. I am NOT a racehorse. _

_By the way Pookie, you don't need a raincheck for that kiss. You can collect it any time you want. Okay, maybe there are some times you shouldn't collect that kiss. For instance, while in the locker room. Kind of brings up some bad memories for me. Anywhere else is fine. Great really. In fact, it is fan-freaking-tastic. You face looks delicious. _

_In fact there's a Blaine special going on. Get one kiss, get one free. (The first one is free too, by the way.) _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_May I advise never to eat grapes while checking your email? Or any food for that matter. Here I was, having dinner and reading my email from you. My jaw literally dropped open. And out popped my grape. I didn't notice at first until it rolled onto the floor and hit Finn's foot. He glanced over at me, my jaw still hanging on it's hinges. _

"_Dude, you'll let flies in." Because you know, there are so many flies around in the middle of winter. I had to take my hand and push my jaw up for it to close. That's how bad it was. Finn picked the grape up from the floor and tossed it into the trash can._

"_Two points!" His wild cheers echoed through my ears, but I wasn't paying attention. I was too focus on my own score. My jaw dropped open a second time and Finn leaned over from his spot on the couch and nudged it back up with his knuckles. I gave him a sideways glance and he averted his eyes. Right to the computer screen that was open to your email._

_He gave me a knowing grin, punching me on the arm. The third time my jaw dropped he forced it up and held his hand there. He nodded for me to finish the email. _

_What an appropriate time for my dad to walk in. With Finn cupping my face and me grinning like a lovesick idiot. _

_Yeah, that was awkward._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_Tell Karlie hi back. And thank her for me, would you?_

_Grinning like the Cheshire cat,_

Backspace

_Off like a prom tux,_

Backspace

_Frosted flakes have nothing on you,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I like you too. In a more than friends kind of way.)_


	23. Chapter 23

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Be kind, review.**

_Dear Kurt, _

_So I haven't had a chance to check my email since I last wrote you, and the little voices in my head are arguing. Let me introduce you._

_The first is Patti, named after the fabulous Patti LuPone. She is a hopeless romantic. Her voice is high and chipper, whispering hints and tips in my ear. Sometimes she sings them. Most of the time I try to ignore them. Most of the time they involve you in compromising situations. Like "Pull him in by the tie and plant one on him" or "offer to give him a full on back massage... in the shower." Other advice I have acted on, whether it be a good idea or not. Asking you to lunch was a good idea. Bringing you pizza was a good idea. (I did have to forgo making it a snow picnic. Which would've been so awesome.) Undressing you with my eyes in the commons, not such a good idea. Mainly because we were in the commons, and not in my bedroom with the door locked. And bolted._

_The other is Kramer. He's number 69 on the Buckeyes, which you know is my favorite football team. It is entirely possible and correct that I picked him, solely for his jersey number. He's Patti's foil. Those two could not be more opposite. Every time she makes a suggestion he fake gags and then tells me what he thinks I should do. I've listened to him a couple of times, and it hasn't gotten me very far. If I could, I'd take a q-tip and get him right out of my head._

_But then again, he doesn't really exist. I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions without Patti and Kramer telling me what to do. They can help me mull through the details, fine, but I get the final say. _

_Thank God they haven't found my vocal chords._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_So according to Randy, who heard it from Nick, who directed me to David, who pointed the finger at Wes, you didn't read my email until yesterday afternoon. Which makes me feel secure and vulnerable at the safe time. You can just call me Captain Oxymoron. Keep in mind that just because I said you can, doesn't mean you should. In fact, refraining from that nickname would give me great comfort indeed. It's only a matter of time before oxymoron becomes moron. I am not a moron. I may be clueless at times, but Blaine Anderson is no moron._

_I am glad I didn't kiss you right then and there. It would've been totally embarrassing and you would have had no idea what was going on. I also had a small glimmer of hope that I could somehow pay a nerd, er, person of above average technological intelligence, to hack into your email account. They could then proceed to delete both emails that I had sent you and all humiliation would be avoided. But something was telling me the greater forces out there sent that email for a reason. Even if the greater forces are just Karlie's tiny fingers. _

_That, and I was low on cash. Nerds are expensive and I just ordered something online. The specifics of what it is are classified. To you at least. _

_I was scared as to what you'd say once you read the email. I knew you wouldn't delete it, because once Kurt Hummel is told he can't do something he'll do everything in his power to do it._

_I love that about you._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_It aught to figure on the day when I wanted to be too buried under homework to face the inevitable I get it done in record time. I finished my math homework with Wes during a free period. Normally he doesn't ask for help with that sort of thing. It was as if he wanted to free up my schedule. _

_The other assignments were minimal. It seemed like everyone had gotten together and agreed to make my schedule as free as possible. Not that I wouldn't put it below my friends to do such a thing. _

_So when I finished my homework I took a long shower and scrubbed every inch of my body. I took extra time shaving. Nana came knocking, yelling for me to let her in the bathroom. I opened the door with a half creamed face, and she took the razor from my hand and cleaned me off in a few good strokes. She shoved me out of the bathroom, still towel clad._

_"Kurt is not going to cry over a little bit of stubble." She closed the door behind me to take care of whatever she thought was so urgent. I got changed into my pajamas and booted up my computer. _

_And now here I sit, playing Tangerine Panic. I should be panicking about the giant tangerines flying at my head. Instead, I'm panicking more at opening an email. Give me a second (not that you haven't already given me about 100 thousand of them) to play one last game. _

_Crap, that was a quick game._

New email from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I have one word for you: ouch. Okay, so maybe I have more than one word for you. I have about a million of them. Half of them are love and the other half actually make coherent sentences. I'm pretty proud of myself, because I just recovered from a minor injury. Let's say that the floor and I are now well acquainted. _

_After my stick man got terminated by a bouncing tangerine I mustered up the courage to x out of the tab and open up my email. I was going in slow motion. Drag mouse, drag mouse, hover over x. Force finger to click down. Drag mouse, drag mouse, hover over mail bookmark. Force finger to click down. Type screen name and password in using only my pointer finger. In all, this bought me a whole 20 seconds. _

_I saw your email at the top and suddenly couldn't take it anymore. I clicked on it with supersonic speed and read it lightning fast. And then I casually toppled over at the force of your words, specifically the ones that said "In a more than friends kind of way." _

_That's a lie. There was nothing casual about my falling. I made a noise so loud my mom came to see if I was okay. Which of course I was. _

_Because Kurt Hummel likes me in that more than friends kind of way. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_I'll tell her tomorrow when she comes over. Not the thank you part, or it'll go straight to her head._

_Getting chapped lips from my grin,_

Backspace

_With inalterable love and affection,_

Backspace

_Oo-de-lally,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Meet me at my locker tomorrow morning? I'll bring the coffee.)_


	24. Chapter 24

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Remember to review!**

_Dear Blaine, _

_You would think that I would've taken extra time getting ready this morning. It was THE morning after all. You know, the one where you asked me to meet you by your locker, rather than you finding me at mine. The morning where you said you'd bring coffee even though I could still taste my minty toothpaste. But instead, I found myself getting ready in record time this morning. The parking lot was surprisingly empty when I got to school. _

_It was eerily quiet as I made my way down the empty hallways. Normally I have Wes or David yacking my ear off while I pretend to pay attention. You'd be surprised how long a person will talk when you smile and nod. This has gotten me into trouble though. For instance:_

_I was sitting down in the library with Wes, working on my math homework. He was going on about his date he had the previous night and then snuck in, "You're totally thinking about jumping Blaine's bones right now, aren't you?" And of course, I smiled and nodded. When Randy let out a loud cackle, which the librarian hushed, I looked up. I had dug myself a hole._

_I slumped down at your locker and drifted off until a pair of shiny dress shoes approached me. That'd be you. Rather than making me get up, you slumped down beside me and handed over my coffee. The lid was labeled 'Caution: hot.' _

_Is there a matching label on you somewhere? _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_On the Wonderful World of Disney, there was a special where four artists went out to the same tree and drew four unique pictures of the same thing. I began to speculate if my life could too be seen from four points of view. And no, I do not mean front, back, left and right. Though I have been told, by you actually, that I am amazing from all angles. _

_I've figured out that there are four parts to me. Deliberate, doting, diva, and damaged. Each part works together to create the one and only Kurt Hummel. At least I think there is only one Kurt Hummel. I've never met anybody with my name. So for the sake of argument, I am the one and only. If there is another, he can go and change his name to Bob or something equally unfabulous. _

_The deliberate part of me lets me tell people how it is. If I like you, I tell you. It may take a while, but I do come around. It only took me, this long to tell you how I really feel. I blame you for being so ridiculously clueless. I may have never had a boyfriend before, but that doesn't mean I wasn't doting. I pined after you for so long the guys started making bets on when I'd finally release all of my pent up lust. I am pure diva and you love it. I don't take no for an answer (unless that is the right answer) and like to take charge. It was pretty hot the way you took charge today. You'd think after all the damage I've survived from Karofsky, I wouldn't want someone else to make the first move. But it was admittedly incredible._

_That may be the doting Kurt talking._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_My side hurts from laughing so hard. I can not believe you said that to Azimio. I wasn't expecting to see him at Breadstix, or anywhere for that matter, anytime soon. Yet, there I was, eating dinner with you when he showed up. He made some crack about gay lovers and walked away. Despite the fact that my mind was mush from our game of footsie under the table, your's seemed to be working just fine. _

_"Hey Kurt, I didn't know that butts were attached to the neck." I almost choked on my water when you said that. I always pictured our first date at a classy restaurant and being perfect proper gentlemen. I have a hunch that you'd look positively dapper in a tuxedo. But since there are no fancy restaurants close enough to eat and get homework done, we had to settle. That didn't mean we couldn't be perfect proper gentlemen. _

_"Did you just call me a butthead?" Azimio whipped around and jumped at you. Our game of footsie turned into a game of 'wrap my feet around Blaine's ankles so he doesn't leap up and cause a scene.' _

_Not that I doubted you for a second. (Okay, maybe just two.) Like the classy gentlemen you are, you signaled the waitress for takeout containers and the check. Azimio backed off. Oh, my knight in shining armor. That is, if the Dalton uniform could be considered armor. _

_So even though we ended up finishing dinner over a mound of textbooks, I can only find one word to summarize tonight._

_Perfect._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_In that email you sent me, which yes, still is in my inbox, you mentioned something about bets. Those Warblers must have a lot of extra money to burn if they were betting on us. I understand that it's an academy and all, but of all things to blow their allowance on, you'd think they'd pick something they could actually have, like Reeses cups and grape juice boxes. _

_So when they say that they are betting on when we are getting "together," what exactly do they mean? We held hands the first day we met. You took me out to lunch within the week. We flirted to 'Baby it's Cold Outside.' You brought me coffee. We went on a dinner date. You gave me a goodbye kiss so mind-blowing I had to sit in your driveway for a good few minutes to assure that I wouldn't drive myself straight into a tree. _

_All right, so it was only a peck on the lips. And neither of us have officially used the word boyfriend. But by now, we've both admitted that we like each other in a more than friends kind of way. So I say, as of this morning, we were together. _

_But do the Warblers know? I know Nick saw us holding hands on the way to lunch, and the devious duo caught us talking at your locker this morning. But considering Wes told you to, and I quote, "Just ask Kurt out already so we can stop pretending these songs aren't you serenading Kurt into oblivion and we can actually focus on Regionals," I'd say they don't know. _

_Looks like we have some bets to settle. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_Thank you for my real first kiss. It was perfect. _

_Paper hearts and glitter glue,_

Backspace

_Slaps and tickles, _

Backspace

_Sealed with a kiss, _

_Kurt_

_(P.S. Not that you seal an email. I guess I owe you a kiss, huh?)_


	25. Chapter 25

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Review my lovelies!**

_Dear Kurt, _

_I don't have to worry about Karlie sending anymore emails of mine. She's tied up. Not literally. Though I would take sheer joy out of pulling her shoelaces out of her light up Skechers and attaching her to the nearest hard backed chair available. Make that second nearest. I wouldn't want her attached to my chair. That would defeat the whole purpose of confining her in a place away from me and the mouse._

_Currently she is surround by hundreds of bubbles and a rubber duck. See, I didn't do anything evil to her. She's in the very safe location of the bathtub, with Nana scrubbing off the dried cookie dough and purple frosting that has dried to her skin and hair. You should see the kitchen. I'm sure Nana doesn't plan on baking with Karlie around anytime soon. _

_That's not the only reason I'm glad she's not around. It is very difficult to write an email to your unofficial boyfriend with a small child breathing down your neck. She's a mouth breather too, so there's always the lurking suspicion about why my neck is wet. It could be the sweat I'm accumulating. When I write you I get some pretty hot ideas running through my head. Hot ideas that I can't say because I have a minor over my shoulder. _

_That, and because I could get in some serious trouble for sexting._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_We really should make this official. I really love being your "more than friend" but I would love to walk up to every person I see, and introduce you as my boyfriend Kurt. Not my boy, who is a friend Kurt. There is no space between boy and friend. Like how there should be no space between the two of us. I'd be glued to your side when I said it. Alright, maybe not glued. That would ruin my clothes. More importantly, that'd ruin your clothes and you'd break up with my faster than a pair of disjointed Legos. _

_There's this one girl in the store where I buy all of my soap. She seems to think that you aren't my beau. Which you weren't at the time. Weren't as in past tense. As in, you better be my present tense beau. She seems to think I'm lying about being gay, regardless of the fact that I only go there to buy soap to wash away the thoughts I have during my multiple cold showers caused by a BOY. But excuse me, clearly she knows more than I do if I'm gay or not. _

_Next time I go soap shopping you are coming with me. We are going to wait until the line is at its longest and make out the entire way up the line._

_For my sake, I'm hoping to get stuck behind someone that needs a price check. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_I'm glad you enjoyed me serenading you in the commons after practice today. I understand that it was the time normally reserved for our religiously scheduled cup of coffee. I would've expected you to be in a midday slump without it. Still, you seemed wide awake as I plunked down the keys of the piano. I only wish I thought ahead to bring the karaoke track so I could've seen your face while I play. There was so much emotion in that song, and closing my eyes made it pour out so much easier. You may not know this, but your eyes are very hypnotic._

_I almost freaked out when I saw a tear rolling down your cheek. I say almost because I managed to contain it inside and not reach out to wipe away the residue on your cheek. Which would've been incredibly awkward considering you were standing and I was not. You were so close I couldn't stand to wipe off your cheek without making a big show. _

_So I swiveled around and offered you my lap as the terrible twosome came in. _

_Amazingly Fabulous Kurt: "Shouldn't you be on top of me? I'm bigger."_

_Totally Smitten Me: "You're not that big. I don't mind the bottom." _

_Completely Annoying Wes: "You two are arguing over who's on top?"_

_Can't Think of a Clever Nickname David: "Wanky."_

_What do you think they'll say when we actually do it?_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Two words (to be ultimately followed by an rant that will indeed exceed the expectation of two words). Yoga pants. You see, once I finished my homework I had some spare time on my hands. So I decided to flip through the newspaper ads. I came across one ad that had a pair of booty hugging yoga pants. If they hugged this girl any harder she'd die of suffocation. I wasn't terribly attracted by the picture, but it got me thinking._

_What do you look like in booty hugging yoga pants? We've talked about skin tight jeans before. But jeans don't mold to every curve of your entire body. Neither do yoga pants, since they are just pants. If they hugged any curve about your waistline I'd start to worry. Yes I'd take great pleasure in growing old with you. That doesn't mean that when you become an old man you can wear your pants to your navel. That is plain wrong. _

_You should teach me how to do yoga. There are so many bends and stretches that could lead to some compromising positions. But I wouldn't have to hold back anymore. If your ear happens to look very kissable while you're hovering over me and moving my arms to the right pose I can kiss it with no further questions. _

_Unless of course that question is if the other ear is going to get some loving. And once you untangle me, I can guarantee your ears will not be the only thing meeting my lips. _

_After all, it is important to stretch every part of the body, lips included. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_I'm going to ask you a question tomorrow. Promise you'll say yes?_

_My best friend's hot, _

Backspace

_The peanut butter to your jelly,_

Backspace

_Dancing to your tune,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. I promise you won't regret it. I know I won't.) _


	26. Chapter 26

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Remember to review!**

_Dear Blaine, _

_So when you said you were going to ask me a question and told me to say yes, my curiosity was piqued. Part of me wanted to write you back saying, "Of course Blaine, I'd dye my hair orange if you asked me to." It wouldn't be entirely horrible. My eyes are blue. You should know, seeing that you stare into them enough. Orange is a complimentary color to blue. My hair would make my eyes pop. But orange does not go with my skin tone, so I think I'll stick with what I have. _

_The other half of me wanted to write back telling you that I was a big boy and could make my own decisions. That seemed incredibly rude. I started to play Sushi Cat. No matter how much that cat ate, it didn't grow. Sure the cat was fat to begin with. I swear, you could've picked it up and started playing basketball with it. Thank goodness Pavarotti wasn't around, or the cat probably would've eaten him too. Even though, y'know, Pav is in the real world and the cat is just a digital figment of the imagination. _

_It was a never-ending buffet of Japanese goodness. And not that you aren't equally, if not more delicious, but I could not think of one thing to say back to that email. _

_Can we go out for sushi this weekend?_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_For being Lord Grammar, you sure made a mistake this morning. Not that I can blame you. You were nervous and imperfect in the most perfect of ways. If you had fingernails, which I must say is entirely unattractive considering you are a guy, you'd have bitten them off. Instead, you took to biting your lip. Your lip was red from the pressure of your teeth. I wanted to kiss it and make it better. But then we never would've gotten anything accomplished. _

_You approached me from behind, grabbing a hold of my waist. I spun around and there you were in all your nervous glory. I straightened your collar. And unlike mine, your's actually was messed up to begin with. You pulled away from my touch. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't startled._

_"You're nervous about something." _

_"Ain't that the truth." Lord Grammar, please tell me what two words contract to make ain't? I know it can't be 'am' and 'not' because 'am not the truth' makes no sense. _

_"You'd be nervous too if you were going to ask a guy to be your boyfriend." _

_Pookie, you can make all the grammatical errors you want. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I had no idea that Thad could throw like that. Who's brilliant idea was it to play dodgeball in P.E. anyway? That was a rhetorical question. It was the gym teacher. The question is why. Do teachers at Dalton enjoy torturing us with extra work? I have never run that fast in my life. Though I will admit, I had an odd feeling of triumph when my opponent shrieked in terror at the ball I hurled towards him. _

_It was a gym class worthy of a shower. I walked through for a minute, only to whisk away my sweat. Had I let my hair get any wetter I would've looked like a puppy that had come inside from a walk in the rain. Kurt Hummel does not pull off the stray mutt look._

_Blaine Anderson, his totally handsome boyfriend does. Without the copious amounts of hair gel, your hair is so... fluffy. In a cute, I want to twirl my fingers in your curls kind of way. _

_I am writing this long winded ransom letter, very poorly I may add, to inform you that I am stealing your hair gel. I will then proceed to run my hands through your hair and admire its natural state._

_Now do tell, where do you store your hair gel? It'll make my job much easier if you give away the location before I turn your room upside down._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_You are so lucky that it's the middle of winter. My father isn't questioning why I'm wearing my scarf inside the house. I doubt he'd question my fashion choices at any point. Finn on the other hand, was more curious than George himself. He may act like a monkey during football, but I know he isn't hiding a tail anywhere. Specifically his pants. _

_"What's with the scarf?" I nudged a meatball across my plate. Dad had made meatball rotini for dinner. It was delicious. Sure it came from a bag and all he had to do was pop it in the microwave for thirteen minutes. But of all the microwave dinners he did pick it out. For that he gets credit._

_"It's cold out." I tugged the scarf tighter. Not tight enough to choke on my meatball, but just to make sure I was getting ample coverage. _

_Do you know how hard it is to keep this hidden? I get that you were marking your territory. I remember that moment quite vividly, as do you. But next time you decide to mark your territory, could you do it in a more concealable spot?_

_I'm planning my revenge. You still have that scarf you stole from me, yes? You'll be needing it. _

_After all, this is the sweetest kind of revenge._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_Seeing as tomorrow is Saturday, what are you up to? I would like to spend the day with my boyfriend. _

_Pretend I folded this up and passed it to you under the desk,_

Backspace

_Ouch- a flying baby struck me with a love arrow,_

Backspace

_ Go going like a Power Ranger,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I want to go out for sushi. Know any good restaurants?) _


	27. Chapter 27

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Review my loves!**

_Dear Kurt,_

_I promise I will always love you. _

_Cross my heart and hope to sneeze. I'd say it right, but think of it this way. If I cross my heart and sneeze, it stops for a second. Then it starts beating at a normal pace. Unless I'm around you and it goes at a giddy pace. Regardless, it still beats._

_If I cross my heart and die, it's over. I don't continue living, breathing, seeing that face of yours. The one that'd be crying, a tear running down your cheek as your heart broke in two. Then there'd be two gay dead guys instead of two very much alive people who are buried in love, not dirt. _

_I hope that when I do cross my heart that I do not actually sneeze. I'll most likely be in front of you and your do not need to be sneezed on. Granted, one day one of is bound to get sick and will sneeze in front of the other. As if a little strain of the cold is going to keep us apart. Somebody's going to have to make sure that the tissues and orange juice are in constant supply. We'll make chicken noodle soup by the barrel full. And if the other one of us happens to get sick, we can cuddle together in bed. Your bed should be big enough. _

_Great, now I'm fantasizing about you being sick. What kind of boyfriend am I?_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_You shine brighter than the moon. But not brighter than the sun. The sun burns my eyes from the intensity. My eyes never hurt when I look at you. Not to say you aren't intense. You are, but not in that obnoxiously bright, must wear sunglasses if I don't want to burn my corneas kind of way._

_You'd love my sunglasses. They're this bold pink color. They don't match my uniform at all. We both know that when it comes to fashion you don't want to be a fashion don't. But if it meant sticking around you, I'd be fashionably backward all the time. _

_Last time Karlie slept over I let her stay up late with me and we counted the stars in the sky. We never got very far, having to go back and start over when we accidentally recounted one. She gave up when she saw a shooting star pass by. She closed her eyes tight as if they were superglued. I almost thought after a good few minutes that she had fallen asleep. I went to pick her up when her eyes opened. She told me that she made a wish, but wouldn't tell me what she asked for. You tell someone your wish and it wont come true. It must've been some wish._

_I asked her today if her wish came true. She just smiled and skipped away, singing about us sitting in a tree. _

_'Blaine and Kurtsie, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.'_

_I'm going to take that as a yes. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_They say if you find a penny and pick it up, all day you'll have good luck. Some also say only to pick it up if you can see Lincoln's head. If it is face down it is supposedly bad luck. Well here's a stumper. What if the stinkin' thing is standing on its side? Does that mean neutral luck? And if you find a penny face down and pick it up, can the bad luck be nulled out by finding a penny face up? I say find a penny pick it up and all day you'll have one penny. _

_I decided to do an experiment today after you left for home. I went to the supermarket to buy some groceries. I was tempted to buy one of those tall loaves of French bread. Ever notice how in movies there is always a baguette sticking out of the bag? I was going to buy one to be cliché, but I only had enough money for the what was on the list. When I got out I had three pennies. So I set one heads up, one heads down and one on its side. I sat down on the bench outside, going over my receipt. _

_First an elderly woman came and picked up the one with the head up. She left the other two. A little boy came along next and picked them up. He was excited, like he had just won the lottery. And then he walked into a misplaced shopping cart. _

_I still never learned what happens to the sideways pennies. Not that I need a penny to tell me how my day is going to be._

_There's no such thing as a bad day when I'm with you._

New email from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt,_

_If I finish my homework tonight I'll be free to spend the day with you. I've been to many different restaurants, many which have offered sushi. But you have not lived until you have tried Nana's sushi. That woman can make anything taste good. She taught me how to make it. I'm not as good as her, but how romantic would it be to say that I made you dinner? The way to a man's heart is apparently through his stomach. I personally like to believe that I got to your heart through your ears. After all, music is our thing. _

_I've only made it once, so I'll ask Nana to help us. It wont be nearly as romantic, but I'd rather not give you food poisoning. We can make Ohian rolls. I'd call them Californian rolls, but Nana insists that we're not some bunch of surfer chicks. I agree, considering last time I checked I am one hundred percent male. Unless my parents are hiding something form me, which would explain my innate attraction to you._

_We already have the ingredients here. We do not however, have chopsticks. It's impossible to teach Karlie how to eat with them, so we let her use her fingers. Eventually I concurred that it is much simpler and have conceded to using my fingers when in the privacy of my own home. _

_Besides Karlie had played walrus one too many times and there were no more uncontaminated chopsticks. If you don't want to get your hands dirty, we can try eating sushi with forks. _

_Or I could just feed it to you instead._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_How about some homemade sushi? Nana's been itching to break out her knives. _

_With love as pure as the newly fallen snow,_

Backspace

_So this is love,_

Backspace

_Here's to looking at you,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Her SUSHI knives that is. I couldn't let her hurt my little Power Ranger, now could I?)_


	28. Chapter 28

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Reviews are appreciated!**

_Dear Blaine,_

_Normally when a friend asks if you if you want to watch TV with them you watch a show. Like if I'm watching with Mercedes, we'll watch America's Next Top Model. She'll point out how waif-like the girls are in their six inch heels and I'll pick apart every comment Tyra and her judging panel come up with. It's incredibly catty and the inner diva in me lives for those moments. After a while the extreme photo shoots can be quite the bore. Though mad props to Miss Banks for the cycle dedicated to short models. One day, when I have my own fashion line I'm only going to hire short models. It'll be brilliant._

_When I'm spending quality time with my dad and Finn we watch football. I've never understood the point of watching some sweaty guys run across the screen after a ball, but they seem to like that. It's either that or cartoons. One can only take so much of DuckTales. _

_But when I came over today and Nana turned on the TV there was an infomercial on. And rather than finding something else to watch, she left it on. I seriously think she was crushing on the salesman. Did you notice how his toupee was falling to the side? Never mind the bad hair day. That shirt. Who in their right mind wears a shirt like that? I don't care if they are only selling a Crockpot; nobody should ever go on national television like that. _

_"Oh look at that roast beef, all hot and juicy." He made it sound like our love life. _

_Except nobody's putting a lid on us._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_So when I came home from your house today my dad and I had an interesting conversation. Not the birds and bees type. Which brings me to a point. Birds and bees can fly. Sure when I'm around you I can feel like I'm flying too, but if birds lay eggs and bees pollinate, how does it apply it to gay guys? You and I are both pollinators. We can't get each other pregnant. We could romp all day and night for forty day-sies day-sies (curse Karlie for getting that song stuck in my head) and never have to worry about having kids. _

_Considering the most we've done is kissed, we won't have to worry about that for a while. But I have the feeling my dad wants to give me the talk and is waiting for the right moment. _

_Back on track to the interesting conversation. He was reading the newspaper when I walked in and when he heard me enter he asked if I had fun. I told him yes and he asked me what I honestly thought of you._

_Me: I feel bubblier than Colbie when I'm around him._

_Dad: The cheese?_

_Me: Caillat! _

_If I don't answer your calls it's because I'm busy teaching my dad a decade's worth of good music. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_Nana makes excellent sushi. It kind of makes me want to adopt her as my nana. Yes, I am well aware that is not how adoption works. Besides, I don't think my dad would give me up that easily. I wouldn't give him up either, not even for the best chef in the world. Looks like I'll have to settle for being her honorary grandson._

_There was something fascinating about her waving around her knives like they were swords. Give her an eye patch and peg leg and she could pass herself as a retired pirate. Though I wouldn't trust anybody who could only see out of one eye with anything pointy. It's much too dangerous. Somebody could get their eye poked out. Then she'd really need that eye patch._

_I love how your Nana was cool about us being together. When you fed me a piece of sushi she didn't even bat an eyelash. When I fed you one in return she still didn't bat an eyelash. At first I thought she may have lost the ability to blink. I was happily proven wrong. I could've gone without Karlie's sly remarks though. _

_"Is that the only thing you put in your boyfriend's mouth Blaine?" I'm not exactly sure what she meant by that, but you may want to restrict what she watches on TV. Girls her age should be watching Powerpuff Girls, not Degrassi._

_Apparently not only is revenge sweet, but also hot.  
_

_Praise Nana for spiking Karlie's sushi with wasabi.  
_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_There comes a day in your life when you find the urge to jump up and down on your bed until the mattress springs finally give out. Most people have this urge while still a child. That is, unless they have bunk beds, where one jump would be followed by one thunk and collapsing onto the ground as they call out for their parents to bring a bag of frozen peas for the bump growing on their forehead. _

_As a child, I never had the urge to jump up and down on my bed. Then again, you could never peg me as a normal child. I'd rather tie a blanket around my neck and pretend I'm a queen than a super hero. Super heroes don't get awesome tiaras._

_Yet today, after a brief conversation with my dad I felt the need to race to me room, take the time to carefully remove my boots and coat, and proceed to jump up and down like a four year old atop my bed. It was fun._

_At the sound of Carole's dainty footsteps I calmed down. I still stood on my bed, shoes and coat cast aside on my vanity. She opened my door and set down a basket of laundry. _

_"Kurt, what are you doing on top of your bed?" She didn't seem angry, so I told her the truth._

_"Jumping." My hair was askew and my face was pink. There was no way I could deny that and the rumpled bed sheets underneath my feet. _

_"Just don't hit your head on the ceiling, okay dear?" She closed the door behind her and I flopped back onto my bed. _

_It's official. Carole is awesome. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_We should hang out with Nana more often. She is a great entertainer._

_My heart is ever at your service, _

Backspace

_Kissing your scars from falling in love,_

Backspace

_Yours till the slap sticks,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. Not all the time though. There are many things one shouldn't do in front of his Nana.) _


	29. Chapter 29

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Review please!**

_Dear Kurt,_

_I am not pleased. I had ordered the most perfect gift of perfect gifts for you on the internet and it is not coming in. Ever. You see, back when I accidentally sent you that email I was having a minor mental breakdown. So I decided to look at some online catalogs to calm myself down while I waited for your response to my email. _

_Part of me doesn't want to say what I got you because you aren't going to be getting it. When I got home today I found an email from the company that I had contacted. Apparently the factory where they make all of their products had a minor accident. If you'd call a fire that burned down the entire factory minor. If they wanted to they could do the same work out of their own homes. All they need is a sewing machine. _

_Seeing as now your curiosity must be peaked higher than Mount Everest, I might as well tell you what you were going to get. There's a company out in the middle of nowhere that makes custom teddy bears. "Barry Dear and Co" was supposed to make you a Dalton teddy. It was supposed to be navy with a striped tie. Sure I could pick up a bear and attach my own tie with some help from Nana, but this bear was even more special. _

_When you squeezed the bear it was supposed to sing "Teenage Dream." It was going to be cheesy and romantic. But Barry just had to ruin my dreams and burn down his precious factory. _

_I guess I'll just have to buy a normal bear and sing "Teenage Dream" myself. Which I suppose is more romantic than some present that smells like packing peanuts. _

_So thank you Barry for initiating what shall always be remembered as the Teddy Bear Massacre. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_I am terribly sorry for Karlie's crass comment at lunch today. I have no idea where she came up with that idea. I know when we watch TV I stick to G rated shows around her. It's sad really, I'll find myself humming the theme to Spongebob from time to time. Not incredibly loud mind you. It's perfectly acceptable to hum "Hey Soul Sister" in the social setting. Well, maybe not since I killed Wes and David's hopes of ever hearing that song and not picturing you and your sparkling personality. I may have gotten a bit too excited about our first time singing together. But singing Spongebob at the top of your lungs is not the best way to get on somebody's good side. _

_Karlie has yet to touch any food since lunch. Her stomach is growling like an angry monster. Every time she even go near the kitchen Nana asks her if she's hungry. Then Karlie fears for the safety of her food and scurries off. I wonder what she's going to do come dinner time. Maybe I'll be a nice cousin and make her a sandwich. _

_That guy from the infomercial is on TV again. Nana is still watching him try to peddle Crockpots. Part of me thinks she may have taped it, but the more optimistic part of me is thinking Nana is too cool to be creeper. If she was creeping on someone you think she'd pick somebody more attractive. _

_The guy was giving me a total socks with sandals vibe. I'll never know seeing as though he stood behind that counter the entire time. For all we know he could be going pantsless. I should write him and ask. _

_About the shoes, not the pants. That's disturbing._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_Do not be alarmed by what I'm about to say. I, Blaine Anderson, am covered in glitter. Manly, no? _

_You see, Karlie is working on her latest masterpiece if you will. She's cutting out lopsided hearts and covering them in glitter. She's going to stick them all over her bedroom door at home for Valentines day. Which is a month and a half away. I think she may be a wee bit early on that one, but that's just me. It is her favorite holiday, right after Christmas and Easter (for presents of course). Our family is kind of filled with hopeless romantics._

_I don't mind the glitter getting in my hair. It's the pile of scraps left from her half-hazard cutting that bugs me. She better recycle that stuff. It looks like she's slain a baby tree. Poor mama tree, losing its baby to an arts and crafts project. There are much better things that paper could've been used for, like writing you love letters. Or math homework. _

_When spring arrives I want to plant a baby tree. It'll grow with us, like our relationship. We can take care of it like a child. And one day when we're old and gray (or whatever color we turn) we'll enjoy the sunset underneath the tree. And when we lean our heads back and look up, there'll be KH+BA 4ever carved above our heads. _

_I'm sure some other kids will carve their initials on there too, but I like thinking of it as our tree. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_While Karlie appears to be innocently working on a craft project with her safety scissors and supervision, she is really plotting her revenge on Nana. I am doing a horrible job of supervising. Not because I'm writing you when I should be watching to make sure she doesn't cut her thumb off. I have a roll of bandage next to me, just in case. I'm not supposed to be letting her do anything devious. But how was I supposed to know what she was thinking? I'm not a mind reader. For all I knew she could've been thinking about unicorns and Fudgsicles. \_

_Well, Fudgsicles at least. Karlie doesn't strike me as a unicorn kind of person. Unless she's using the horn as a weapon. _

_Fortunately, while Karlie is considered an evil mastermind for her age, she wasn't smart enough to not share her plan with me. She told me she wanted me to spike Nana's bedtime tea with cayenne pepper. She'd do it herself, but she'd already be in bed by then. I obviously refused to do it. _

_One heart is broken in two on the floor as a symbol of her rage. _

_Right now she's in the bathroom, cleaning off the glue on her hands. I'm stealing the heart. On one half I'll write Blaine and on the other half Kurt. Then I'll put the two pieces together and they'll fit perfectly._

_It'll be sweet and romantic. _

_Oh, and covered in glitter. _

New message from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt, _

_I am very intrigued by your last statement. When are you free to engage in such activities?_

_Live, Lap. Dance._

Backspace

_Fare thee well, _

Backspace

_With furtive glances and steamy kisses,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. I think Nana'd understand. We have plenty of time.) _


	30. Chapter 30

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Happy Gluesday (Glee Tuesday) to my reviewers! **

_Dear Blaine,_

_So I was planning on being hilariously charming and writing you a witty letter that mimicked the stylings of Dr. Seuss, but seeing as I have the inability to rhyme anything with Blaine, I shall refrain. Wait, that rhymes! _

_Okay, so what other words rhyme with your name? Pain, chain, drain, rain, slain. Abstain, constrain, mundane, superior ophthalmic vein. Thank you RhymeZone for that one. Honestly, your name has no good rhymes. Unless I bend and twist my words while sounding totally demented. _

_Read: Blaine is not a pain, nor an energy drain. I can not constrain my love for him, can not abstain from him. I will chain myself to Blaine and dance in the rain with Blaine. A day with Blaine is not mundane, I'd rather remain un-slain than refrain from Blaine. _

_That was horrendous. I couldn't even fit superior ophthalmic vein in there for you. I apologize for even writing such nonsense. If we were to be chained together in the rain the chains would rust. It'd be a fashion disaster. Not to mention my hair that would be plastered to my face. _

_Kurt and Blaine will take a plane to Spain to ski in the Sierra Navada Mountains. _

_It really helps if you pronounce it "mown-tane." _

_Don't you dare roll your eyes at me._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I had the most interesting dream last night. Maybe not the most interesting per say, but if I relive some of the dreams I have had, there will be problems. And then I'll have to excuse myself to go take a freezing shower, because cold won't cut it. Then I might miss your reply. Sure, I sent the email a whole, half an hour ago, but you never know. _

_So we were in our mid-twenties and sharing an apartment. From what I could tell we weren't married since there weren't rings or anything. You and I were having an intense cuddle session on our king sized mattress. I was burying my face in your shoulder trying to block out the sun. You were going on about how our neighbors had invited us over for dinner. _

_Then all of a sudden the bed shook. It wasn't like how the bed normally shook in my dreams, and there was no sign of earthquake. Just a ten pound puppy who was desperately hungry for breakfast. He was a cross between a beagle and Yorkshire terrier. You called him Riff Raff. I considered him to be a be-rrier, as barrier, as in the wall putting an end to our cuddle time. _

_Despite the fact that Riff Raff ruined our moment it got me thinking. If we ever move in together, can we get a puppy? One that's potty trained and won't chew through my designer slippers?_

_I'd puppy pout right now, but the irony would kill me._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_Shel Silverstein once wrote about the place where the sidewalk ends. If you've ever seen the cover of his book, you'll know there's two kids looking over the edge of sidewalk like it's a cliff and they're about to face plant it into who knows what. For all we know it could be a pile of sharp jagged rocks or a field of dandelions. Personally I prefer to believe it's the daisies, but nobody honestly wants to fall into a pit of sharp jagged rocks. That's excluding people that want to die of course._

_Where the sidewalk ends... that's where we'll pull a Marry Poppins and fly away. If she can float away with an umbrella than why can't we? We just need some invisible wires, safety harnesses, a hair and makeup crew, a fake sidewalk, and a musical score to back us up._

_We'd need to do some fundraising to get all of the supplies. I suggest we sell cookies. Being at an all boys school it should be a piece of cake to sell them. Actually, it'll be a cookie to sell them. But that's not important. What is important is the fact that even if the entire population of Dalton buys a cookie we'll still be behind. _

_Hmm. Maybe we'd be better off putting two boxes next to each other. Then we'd label them "sidewalk" and get on top of the one. We'd open our umbrella and jump onto the other box. Not nearly as classy, but for five seconds I'd be Mary Poppins. _

_Being romantic on whim sure takes a lot of planning._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I've seen my fair share of bad productions in my time. Sometimes they hire the wrong actor, or someone forgets there lines. Or there's a member of the audience that screams something incredibly inappropriate like, "Don't turn around! There's a killer behind you!" _

_Once I went to a play that was written by a student. It was about two characters, Tiffany and Skelton. She was a snooty cheerleader and he was some punk kid. He was tutoring her in English. Then there was this football guy, Warren that was her total prick of a boyfriend. She seemed to like the Skelton kid, or at least led him on. In the end, she stayed with Warren and broke Skelton's heart. _

_Needless to say, the audience was not pleased. They wanted their Hollywood ending. They started throwing tomatoes at the stage along with other rotting fruits. I have no idea where they got them. It's as if they had stopped by a grocer's dumpster before the show, just in case. You know it's serious when there's projectile lycopene. Somebody even threw a pineapple. A pineapple! _

_While I agreed with the audience, I was much to invested in my designer sweater to join in on the fruit storm. I felt that the actress playing Tiffany did a great job. I would not want to be in her position, washing foreign chunks of food out my hair. Oh yeah, I was. _

_I am really happy that we're together. Now that competition season is over, if one of us were to be dating someone else I don't think the Warblers would have second thoughts about pelting us with fruit. _

_Especially rock hard cantaloupes. Those Warblers know how to make a point._

New message from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine, _

_I'm free right now. But considering I was already at your house once today I'll settle for tomorrow._

_Boldly going nowhere,_

Backspace

_May your pacman never be eaten,_

Backspace

_Reapplying my cherry chapstick,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I'm also free all of next week if you can pull me away from this fabulous boy named Blaine. He has me wrapped around his little finger.)_


	31. Chapter 31

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Remember to review! **

_Dear Kurt, _

_There once was a genius named David McCall who put the incredibly boring subject called elementary school to lyrics. I'm not talking recess time, with the scraped knees and popsicles. I mean the hard core study sessions when we had magic finger tricks to teach us how to multiply the number nine. Back when Pluto was a planet. Long live Pluto! _

_School House Rock, while started in the 70s, has helped me learn all I needed to know as a kid. So maybe I was the type of kid to sing Interplanet Janet to myself during science tests. I kicked some major butt on that unit. Then again, so did everyone with that stupid mnemonic device the teacher told us. My very exciting mother just spit up nine peas. That's horrible. How could one even think that vegetables were better than a rocket girl? I mean, come on, she's part rocket!_

_One of my favorite songs is about Mr. Morton, conveniently titled The Tale of Mr. Morton. By the time it came out, I knew all about subjects and predicates, but he was so cool that I may have listened to the song a couple of times. The first day, that is. I continued to listen to him for weeks on end. He was nervous in love with his neighbor Pearl. He wrote her a love letter and when he got nervous she proposed to him. And they lived happily ever after with her cat._

_We will not have a cat, but will live happily ever after. We are the subject of the sentence, and what the predicate says we do._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Last night, I was assigned the task of putting the dishes away. It was either that or help Karlie with her bath. There are so many reasons why the first option was better, but I'll only list a few. _

_1. Karlie loves making a mess. And while I don't mind the glitter I have yet to wash out of my hair, I don't want to be hit by a wave of dirty bath water._

_2. When I tangle my fingers through her curls to disperse the shampoo, I have the urge to pull on her hair. Not in a I-hate-you kind of way. More in a, last-time-this-happened-I-was-making-Kurt-make-all-kinds-of-noises-that-turned-me-on kind of way. _

_3. I can not plug in my earbuds and dance. This is also difficult to do while putting away the dishes, but I can still sway my hips. Somewhat, but I'm not as skilled as you are. I swear, you must've taken lessons from Shakira. _

_For the record, spoons make awesome microphones. You can sing into them and the sound doesn't reverberate around the room, embarrassing your boyfriend for serenading him in public. _

_In honor of this newfound knowledge, I will soup for lunch on Monday._

_Prepare for serenation. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_You'd be surprised at the things I mull over at breakfast. This morning, how Kurt is all seven dwarves in one convenient package._

_Bashful: Embarrassed when I tell him just how beautiful he is. But he is, and deserves to know it. _

_Doc: Mixes up his words when he is nervous. _

_Sleepy: Tired after a long day of rehearsal. He looks very cute when he sleeps, like a little puppy._

_Happy: When he smiles and my heart flutters. _

_Grumpy: Rushes to the aid of Snow White, or in our case, me. _

_Dopey: When he lets his actions speak for him. He is seriously the king of facial expressions. Next to me, but mine are for show. _

_Sneezy: I assume you do sneeze, but I've never personally seen it happen. _

_Perhaps we should change Sneezy to Lovey. Or Mega-Hottie. But that's two words._

_Lovey it is._

New message from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt,_

_Holy shipmates. Trust me, that is not what I wanted to say at all. But someone could wake up at any minute and see what I'm writing. No one needs to know that you have reduced me to a potty mouth. So far I've managed to keep my calm and only say a few "bad" words. But there are some words that are considered "worse" than others. And the above word is one of those words that could potentially harm young ears like Karlie's. _

_But now that I averted myself from saying such things, I am picturing you dressed in full pirate garb. Which is hotter than it should be. What's even worse is that you have this endless supply of pirate pick up lines, which is ridiculous. Only because you've already picked me up. _

_Pavarotti can be the parrot on your shoulder. I'm sure he' up to the task. You can be the captain. I'll be your first mate._

_Wanna shiver me timbers?_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_If you're wrapped around my finger, and I'm wrapped around your's does that make us locking pinkies? In that case, I pinky swear to always love you. _

_Sticking to my predicates, _

Backspace

_Your favorite addiction,_

Backspace

_Mwah,_

_Blaine_

_(In case you couldn't tell, that kiss was a preview of what is yet to come. How does 10:30 sound to you?) _


	32. Chapter 32

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Thanks for the reviews my dears.**

_Dear Blaine, _

_Ever get one of those songs from forever ago stuck in your head for no apparent reason? Of course you have. This morning I woke up to the smell of burnt toast and Barenaked Ladies popped into my head. Let me rephrase that. Because we all know I don't think about naked women ever. Not to say I think about naked men often either. Nevermind, forget everything._

_I woke up to the band Barenaked Ladies. They were singing "If I Had a Million Dollars." There are a lot of things these guys would buy. A tree fort, complete with a mini fridge stocked with pre-wrapped sausages, a llama, a lot of Kraft dinner with Dijon ketchup and the remains of John Merrick. In case you're wondering, that's the elephant man. _

_If we ever have a kid, we are building a tree fort. Okay, so we'll get my dad to build the tree fort while I pass him nails and tools. But hey, I know he's dying to spoil a future grandchild. We won't put a mini fridge up there, but we'll stock it with cans of beans since those take longer to perish. We'll need to remember to put a can opener up there. Can we trust a five year old with a can opener? _

_They say in the song that they'd buy love with a million dollars. Sucks to be them, wasting money on that. I don't have to, since I already have an amazing boyfriend._

_So can we agree on the llama?_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_After his failed attempts at toast, Finn broke into his stash of candy. He tore open a bag of Sour Patch Kids and took a whiff. Of course, that was the perfect time for me to walk in._

_"Finn, what are you doing?" _

_"I'm not inhaling small children if that's what you're suggesting." _

_I have met a lot of weird people in my day. But Finn, he's pretty high up there. I can't believe I had a crush on him._

_Sour Patch Kids originally started out as Mars Men, little aliens. Because aliens are so real. Drat, you missed my sarcastic eye roll. I was being sarcastic. But I think you got that already. _

_How is it that my brother is the one eating sugar for breakfast and I'm the one not making sense? I think he may be rubbing off on me. Though I managed to make not burnt toast, so I doubt it. _

_Maybe I should steer clear of him, just in case._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_As your boyfriend it is my responsibility to invest myself into at least one, if not many of your hobbies. Considering I love you and we have so much in common, this isn't that hard. We both love the theater and music. You love football. My brother is on the football team. I love scarves, and you love using them to pull me closer to you. My scarf is not a leash. (Don't stop, it turns me on.)_

_Recently I looked into your Disney fascination. In my search I came across a list of fun facts about Walt Disney. I use the term fun very loosely and suggest replacing with the term of undeniably absurd._

_When Pinocchio premiered, Walt dressed eleven midgets in costumes so they could wave to the kids entering the movie. He had given them a supply of wine, which led to eleven drunks running around sans costume, and anything underneath for that matter. The police had to take them away in pillowcases._

_One should not laugh with a mouth full of toast. But come on, midgets being obscene in front of children are asking for it. _

_Luckily it was honey toast. When something is stuck in your throat lubrication helps. _

_I'd share with Finn, but choking on a Sour Patch Kid is a lot worse than toast. He'd have a coughing fit and spew little aliens all in my hair. _

_Does my head look like a crop circle to you? _

New message from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine, _

_Aw, we're just like Brittany and Santana. Pinky locking is totally Brittana. I'm sure they won't mind sharing their shtick. It's for a good cause after all. And if anyone even tries to argue that our relationship is not important I will smack them so silly they'll turn into a clown. Unless it's a clown that I smack. Would that smack him un-silly? _

_10:30 sounds good to me. I'm up right now if you want to come over early. Then we can have more time to do all the dirty things racing through your mind. Or at least half of them. Some things should not be done with family members in the house. And currently I have a sugar crazed brother about to crash any second in the kitchen. When Carole found out he had candy for breakfast_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_You sir are one sneaky boy, attacking me in mid email. How did I not manage to hear the doorbell?_

_Oats, goats and little yellow boats,_

Backspace

_May the wombat of happiness snuffle through your underbrush,_

Backspace

_You give me that hummingbird heartbeat,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I had a fabulous time with you today. See you tomorrow!)_


	33. Chapter 33

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Remember to leave a review!**

_Dear Kurt, _

_Oh I have the most splendiferous idea ever! Okay, maybe not in forever, but the best one I've had in the past week. The best idea I ever had was asking you out. But I'm not going to dwell on that moment. Not that it isn't totally dwell-worthy, but I just cleaned my computer and there is no way I am getting drool all over my keyboard. It was hard enough to get the chocolate pudding off. I keep pressing down to wipe it off my space bar and there was this giant space in the email I was writing. It was bad._

_So Wes was trying to come up with ideas to raise "team spirit" last Friday. He went through a lot of ideas, including one where we all hold a car wash in our swimsuits. I see two problems with that. One, it's the middle of winter, and two, I can not be held responsible for the sanitation of other's automobiles when I can't keep my own sanity at the idea of you in a pair of tight designer swim trunks. _

_I came up with an idea for us to all get tee shirts. Now you may be asking what is so special about tee shirts. Well let me tell you Kurt Hummel, these are no ordinary tee shirts. They're going to say "Keep calm and Warble on," and we can stick a little Pavarotti at the top. It'll be epic. _

_Think Kurt, we could have matching shirts like real couples! Not that we don't match in our school uniforms. And the fact that everyone else would have one on..._

_I still think it's a splendiferous idea. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_There are times in my life when I wish I had a camera. I do have one, a nice digital with awesome zoomage powers where you can count the freckles on your nose. Personally I'd rather count your freckles without the camera, invading your personal space. So many great things happen when I invade your bubble. Mostly kissing._

_That's a lie. The camera part, not the kissing part. That is most definitely not a lie. We have a disposable camera buried somewhere in the kitchen drawer. It has a couple of pictures from Disney World on it. It's still hasn't been developed. Do they still develop film? I may never get those pictures back. I mean, I have an entire album full of pictures from the other camera we brought, but this one has me and Donald Duck on it. I can't retake the picture now. You know how awkward it'd be to hug someone who doesn't wear pants? _

_When I snuck up on you today your reaction was priceless. It was a cross between you wanting to kill me and wanting to kiss me. So glad you opted for the latter by the way. I appreciate the fact that my lungs still retain their full capacity. I should also have had a tape recorder to record that adorable gasp of yours. _

_Oh well, there are still many more opportunities to make you make noises and silly faces. _

_Or sexy noises and faces. Those work too._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_Worst. Timing. Ever. I came home to what I thought was an empty house. At least, it was locked and dark. So I meandered into the kitchen and came across a note from Nana. She had taken Karlie grocery shopping. That's not the bad timing part, unless you count me almost tripping up the stairs. One should not run up those things, no matter how badly they want to email their beautiful boyfriend about all the thoughts running through their head during their date. _

_I was pouring a glass of milk when I heard it. It was a noise like you make when we are engaging in certain activities. The difference is, our activities and noises are PG-13. That noise was nowhere near PG. It was more like rated R, or triple X. Worse yet, that noise was coming from the direction of my parent's bedroom. And said voice sounded eerily similar to my mom. No kid wants to think about, or see their parents naked._

_But when you think about it, animals see their parents naked all the time. The neighbor's cat just had kittens, and they see it naked all the time. Heck, they see it wash its own privates. And they think its natural._

_Let's be glad that we are not animals. I don't think I could handle being around you naked all the time._

_That, and hairballs are so nasty._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_If you were to see me right now you'd think I was doing something illegal. I keep looking over my shoulder. My eyes dart back and forth like a game of Pong. And it is not from the noises coming from my mom's room. I'm blocking those out with my earbuds. Well, one earbud actually. The other one isn't in my ear. I'm keeping my eyes and ears, or should I say ear, open. I am officially paranoid. _

_If you're going to get your revenge, get it over with. I'm afraid you're going to pop out of nowhere. Which is preposterous, because we just spent the day together. You'll probably get me back at school tomorrow. I should be able to put my other earbud in and fully enjoy the musical stylings of Robin Thicke. I should be, but I can't._

_I can't believe Nana and Karlie are laughing. Laughing I tell you! They came home I nearly went ninja on them. I thought they were you. A loaf of bread nearly met its maker today. And no, I do not mean the muffin man. _

_You know, the one who lives on Drury Lane?_

New message from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt,_

_It is entirely possible that I perhaps maybe did not ring the doorbell. But in my defense, I did knock._

_My heart is dizzy from you,_

Backspace

_As hot as a red tamale,_

Backspace

_Devouring your heart,_

_Blaine_

_(Oh dear, that sounded a bit cannibal. I can't help that I want to sink my teeth into you.) _


	34. Chapter 34

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Enjoy and review!**

_To whom it may concern (in this case being Master Blaine Anderson),_

_Greetings from the members of McKinley High's New Directions. First off, we would like to congratulate you on your upgrade in your relationship with Kurt. Bravo on finally getting the nerve to ask Kurt out. We were starting to worry that you might break Kurt's heart and never reciprocate his feelings. Clearly that is not the case. Which brings us to the reason why we are writing you today. _

_As Kurt's glee family, it is our responsibility to make sure that no one hurts him. And if by some chance they do, it is our responsibility to beat the snot out of them. Amongst other things, like blood and guts which are supposed to remain inside the body. So Finn checked Kurt's address book while he went to the bathroom and found your contact information. Prepare to be threatened._

_Santana and Mercedes plan to beat you into a pulp, lock you in the trunk, drive to the nearest body of water and throw you in. It has yet to be determined if they handcuff you first. Santana may be a bit too turned on if they do. _

_Tina and Mike want to gather up the Asian community and hang you from the ceiling, jabbing at you like a punching bag. Puck and Finn have already planned shifts with Sam. He'll punch you from midnight until breakfast. Then Finn will take over after breakfast until lunch. They will then give you a break until dinner. This will raise your spirits. You will think that your suffering is over. Puck will come in from dinner to Sam's shift and restart the torture. Of course this wouldn't be a permanent arrangement. Once you are unrecognizably beaten Mercedes and Santana will start phase two. _

_The rest of us girls will do various things so vulgar and insane that I can not communicate them to you with the fear of you wetting your pants. And seeing as though we have no idea when or where you are reading this, and you haven't harmed Kurt yet, we are sparing you. This time. Perhaps one day you find a message in your inbox detailing all of the painful things we could do to you. And trust us, we have connections. _

_If you ever feel like your relationship is starting to falter, we expect you to ask for help. Mr. and Mr. Berry volunteer their advice at any time you need it._

_Remember Blaine, we like you. We don't want to hurt you. But hurt Kurt, and feel the wrath that is New Directions. _

_Sincerely, _

_New Directions_

_P.S. We are so going to beat you at Regionals._

_Dearest Warbler Kurt,_

_As you are aware, Dalton Academy has a zero tolerance policy for bullying. As you are also aware, once you step foot off campus, that policy no longer comes into play. Now, we understand that before you transferred you were tortured for your sexuality and fashion choices. Rest assured, we Warblers will not follow the example of McKinley High. _

_From what we have gathered, you and Blaine have a very secure relationship. Oh, have we gathered a lot. If we were to write down every observation we made we could write a novel. A juicy romance novel with lots of flirting and racy inner monologue. Don't even try to counter that. You know you've had dirty thoughts about Blaine. _

_If it makes you feel any better, he's had plenty of racy thoughts about you. No one's eyes glaze over that much from math homework. Nor is there a Kurt theory in science class. You've made quite the impression on him Kurt. If he were here right now he'd be blushing redder than a tomato. _

_We could not imagine you breaking his heart. However, if one day you break his heart, we will break you. We will drag you off campus and break your spirit. There are many worse things we could do to you, like punch your face in, but we will refrain. We'd feel guilty harming you. It'd be like hurting a baby. A baby with a beautiful singing voice that'll give us the advantage over our competition at Regionals. _

_We've created an elaborate five point plan one how to break your spirit. You can still perform without a spirit, yes? Hopefully we will never have to implement our plan. Hopefully you and Blaine will grow up, get married and have 2.5 children and a white picket fence. We haven't decided what half of the child you will get. Maybe you two can get a dog instead. Regardless, if by some chance you and Blaine don't live happily ever after with your dog child, we will hurt you. _

_We really hope that things work out with you and Blaine. We can put up with sexual tension. We can't deal with I-really-want-to-throw-you-out-the-window tension. _

_Sincerely, _

_The Warblers_

_P.S. Can you two please stop flirting during practice? It is incredibly distracting._

New message from Blaine. Read.

New message from Wes. Read.

_Dear Blaine, _

_I just got the strangest letter from the Warblers. Any clue what's going on?_

_Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails,_

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_May your arrows fly straight and you aim be true,_

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_Love you so much my aorta hurts,_

_Kurt_

_P.S. Nobody said I would mind you sinking your teeth into me. Just remember Pookie, do it below the collar where nobody'll see the evidence, m'kay?_

New Message from Kurt. Read.

New Message from Rachel. Read.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I have no idea what is going on, but I just got one from New Directions. Are our friends joining forces?_

_Yours until Atlantis is found,_

Backspace

_Cooler than the other side of the pillow,_

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_Fearing for safety,_

_Blaine_

_P.S. You and me, after practice. My room, with the door locked and blockaded. _


	35. Chapter 35

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Happy International Tuba Day to my reviewers!**

_Dear Kurt,_

_Want to know something weird? And when I say weird I do not mean the good weird, like the people that say things so peculiar and obscure that you wish you are wearing an adult diaper for fear of wetting your pants as tears of laughter stream down your face. I'm talking about the bad weird, like the lazy eyed mail man that smells like fish sticks and root beer at nine in the morning. Once, I could understand. But this guy has been delivering my mail for a few years now and he always smells the same. There's no ring on his finger, so I assume that he's the bachelor type too only keep leftover pizza crust and a tub of mayonnaise in his fridge. I'm trying to move past our friendly Saturday morning hellos so I can ask him. So far, no luck._

_Rather than scar you with further details about the mailman, let me return to the matter at hand. So this morning I ran into Wes and told him about the threatening email from New Directions. He already knew all about it. At first I thought you had asked him about it. But apparently he had run into Rachel at the mall and they began to talk. Over lunch they decided that their respective groups would write the emails. _

_Can you believe it? They had lunch together. With no one else around. I don't know many people that'll willingly carry on a conversation with her. As he was recalling it, he actually seemed fond of the memory. He didn't sneer or make a snide comment once. When I brought him up on it, he shrugged it off, saying she was a cool girl. Now if Wes didn't have a girlfriend, I think my brain would be spinning in a million different directions._

_I really should watch my back. Or you could do it for me, while you pretend not to check out my butt._

_It's okay, I check your's out too._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_After you left, I jumped into the shower. Well, in all honesty, I walked into the shower. Knowing me, I'd jump, drop the soap, trip on the soap and fall right on my face. I'd get a bruise and everyone would think I got in a fight with somebody. The only time I'd ever get in a fight is for you. In which my rage and fury would pound my opponent so far into the ground that cement would ingrain into their shoulders and they'd be beaten to an unidentifiable bloody pulp on the ground as I got handcuffed and driven away in the police car. Therefore, I walk._

_I've gotten used to the cold water by now. But there is nothing more satisfying than grabbing a warm fuzzy towel afterward. As water dripped off the tip of my nose, I got to thinking. Considering the things you and I were doing prior, you could say that my mind was in a very- lets just say it was in a place. I can't think of a good adjective for it right now. If I can, I'll let you know._

_When we live happily ever after, you and I are getting "his and hers" towels. Except instead of "his and hers" it'll be "his and his" towels. And after we're done in the shower I'll take extra care to rub you dry with your "his" towel. _

_Horny. Yup, the word was horny._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_As you are well aware, I am a bit of a Disney lover. Walt Disney is the bomb. I wish there was a better word for it, but he makes me explode with such power and brilliance that I can't describe. It's like, bam! Color and magnificence. Like a freaking firework. Thank you Katy Perry for not letting me carry on calling Walt Disney the bomb. _

_Unlike the work of Walt Disney the Firework, Disney Channel itself leaves much to be desired. There's been some cool stuff on it, back in the day, but nothing really perks my interest nowadays. The same doesn't apply to Karlie. _

_One day when she was over she insisted on watching the High School Musical Marathon. I, like the good baby sitter I am, sat through it and found while the plot was unrealistic and left much to be desired, the songs were catchy. Which why right now I'm humming Fabulous under my breath. I could smack myself. _

_Sure imported turkey and designer headbands are nice and all, but if I wanted fabulous, I'd just ask for Kurt Hummel. _

_Looks like I have all the fabulous a guy could ever ask for. _

_Beat that Tisdale. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_When I was little, my parents bought a new refrigerator. I could've cared less about the fridge itself. I'm sure eventually I would've cared, once I realized all the spoiled food I would've eaten if we hadn't replaced it. I'd have to live out of the pantry, surviving on sunflower seeds and Goldfish crackers. Still, the box the fridge came in was much more interesting than the new fridge itself. _

_My mom let me have the box. I was so excited. Call me crazy, but do you know how many things you can do with a box? Let me share my memories with you. _

_Box car. I was the coolest driver out there with my sunglasses and need for speed. I made those ridiculous racecar noises and pretended to drive my sports car. I contemplated drawing flames on it. Thanks to multiple extension cords extending from the plug in the garage, I hooked up a fan in front of me. The wind was blowing in my hair. Too bad it didn't have a radio though. _

_Box rocket. I wasn't in costume, but it was still a lot of fun. Mom insisted if I put the fish bowl over my head I'd get stuck. So instead I pretended that I landed on planet Blaine. Planet Blaine had oxygen so I didn't have to worry and be all "Westerville, we have a problem." I met an alien. We played intergalactic checkers and I wiped the floor with him. He was so embarrassed. _

_Box boat. I wasn't a pirate or anything, but I was pretty good at manning the wheel. Then I'd pull out my fishing pole and see what I could catch. I caught a huge fish that was as tall as I was. I tossed him back in. He waved his fin in thanks and swam away. _

_Box house. It didn't have windows, or furniture for that matter, but I had my own place. It didn't have a roof either, and when it started to rain small pellets of water began to attack me. I decided to go inside and left the box. After a fierce rainstorm I went back outside to find my box soaked. Four days with the box, and it was gone._

_It was cool having my own place. I'd rather share a home with you now. Not now now, we have to wait until we graduate. Then we will get a real place, not a refrigerator box. And we wont have to imagine, because it'll be all real._

_And then when we buy a refrigerator we'll play in the box. It'll be cramped, but I don't mind sharing my personal bubble. _

_Then again, if we have kids, we could let them play in there while we make our own fun._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_I cannot believe our friends have joined forces to make sure we stay together. Don't they know how madly in love I am with you?_

_Toodaloo kangaroo,_

Backspace

_Stuck in a stupor, _

Backspace

_Insert valediction here,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. If not, we could always recreate this afternoon for them. I wouldn't protest another round of that.) _


	36. Chapter 36

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Happy Lost Sock Memorial Day to my reviewers!**

_Dear Blaine, _

_You are under arrest for being undeniably attractive. Or at least you should be, because the things you were doing to me earlier felt too good to be legal. If I had a pair of handcuffs, I'd use them. Now don't fret, I wouldn't handcuff you to yourself. Maybe to myself, so I'd have an excuse to be constantly with you, but not to yourself. How could you run your hands through my hair if you were bound like that? Not very efficiently, that's for sure. _

_I'd have to bend down behind you. Then I'd be eyelevel with your butt. And while it is admittedly attractive, Kurt Hummel is not a butt kisser. _

_Also, orange is not your color. That jumpsuit would do nothing for you. The only time I'd get to see you, you'd be dressed in something tacky. No thank you. Let's thank the lucky stars that there is no law against your attractiveness. _

_I'm hoping Finn isn't a mind reader, because right now he's grinning at me like a wild cockatoo. Stupid bird smile. What is up with him? _

_Oh. You did this. This thing on my neck. Again? Really Blaine, I thought we agreed on this._

_Only under the collar Pookie._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_As a favor to Carole, I'm watching the Flintstone movie with Finn. I wanted to get out of it, but I already finished all of my homework. So here I am, spending my Monday night, watching John Goodman get seduced by Cliff's secretary. Some things should just be left as cartoons. _

_It's only seven o'clock, but I'm already in my pajamas. I figure I might as well get comfortable. Besides, I put my uniform in the wash. I swear, if I wore that thing to school tomorrow, Wes and David would be all over me like two bloodhounds. It probably reeks of lust. Not that the mark on my neck isn't a dead give away. It's more like an alive give away, flashing bright against my pale skin. _

_At first when Finn asked, make that begged, me to watch the movie I said no. You'll never guess what he said to try to convince me. _

_"But Kurt, they have a gay old time!" _

_Cue the face-palming. _

_As calmly as I possibly could, I explained the difference between Flintstone gay, i.e. very happy, and Kurt gay, i.e. in love with Blaine. Don't worry, I didn't share any of the details. _

_I could never live back in the stone age. First off, that fashion? It's a yabba dabba don't. (I'm terribly sorry that this movie has put me in a mood for bad humor.) I can pull off the dress no problem. But that hair is horrible. And what kind of man goes around shoeless? The bottoms of their feet must be deplorable._

_The only advantage I could see is living up to the name of the town. _

_Master Anderson, I can make your Bedrock._

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_Dear Blaine,_

_On the way home from your house I witnessed something horrible. There was a car parked on the side of the road, with a gash in the windshield. The driver seemed to have minor injuries, but nothing that a few stitches couldn't fix. There was a car behind him in mint condition. That driver had gotten out and was on the phone next to the injured driver. _

_I slowly approached the scene to avoid hitting any part of the shattered windshield that might have hit the ground. That's when I saw it._

_The driver had hit a deer._

_Poor Bambi. _

_First Bambi's mother had to go and get shot, and now he gets hit with a car? What is with people and deer? I dabbed a few tears and kept driving._

_I'm glad that driver wasn't you. I know they are perfectly fine, and it wasn't their fault, but it must be horrible being responsible for the death of someone else. Worse yet, they could've swerved to avoid the deer, crashed into a telephone pole that would've come crashing down and killed them. _

_I know you would've swerved. It's worst case scenario, but it could happen. If you crash in a car, you could be gone in an instant. Just because you wanted to call to say you'd be over in a minute. I know you're smarter than that. _

_But please, double pinky promise me that you will never do anything stupid behind the wheel of a car. Or any other kind of moving vehicle for that matter. _

_If Santana and Brit ever find you breaking a pinky promise you are toast._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_I've come to the conclusion that Pavarotti needs a girlfriend. Now you may think that I am ridiculous, but hear me out. _

_I understand that Pav is pure and perfect and can't just go warble with any bird. I'd be willing to conduct a search for the perfect birdie partner for him. Sure there's no online dating websites for birds, none that I know of anyway. I could take him to the park, still in his cage and see what, or more accurately, whom, he likes. _

_I have good reasoning behind my plan too. You see, last time you were over and we were studying in my room, I felt two eyes on me. And no, I am not referring to Finn's. It was long after he retreated to the kitchen. Instead, two little birdie eyes were staring a hole into my head as I watched you do your math homework. That was before we even got together. It was like he was trying to play match maker._

_It's only fair that I return the favor. Do you really want him to be staring at us while we study things that aren't in text books? I'd rather not have a bird creep on me and my boyfriend thank you very much. If he had a girlfriend he could get his own mack on. _

_I suppose he could have a boyfriend. I'm not sure. Pav isn't gay, is he? _

_Regardless, we are finding that bird a soul mate. One that can come and go as he/she pleases. _

_Because I am not having two birds get their mack on while I'm trying to sleep. _

New message from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine,_

_Madly in love? That makes two of us my dear. _

_Catching grenades for you,_

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_May the Great Gazoo be with you,_

Backspace

_You'll be my offbeat,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. Can we be happily in love instead? I don't want to be mad at you.)_


	37. Chapter 37

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Remember to review!**

_Dear Kurt,_

_I do realize that it's the middle of winter and there seems to be no sign of the snow letting up, but I want to let you know that when the fair comes to town this summer that you and I are going. We will buy tickets and have fun. Scratch that. I will buy the tickets. We still both get to have fun. _

_Since I know that you won't let me pay for your fun, I suggest we find a couple of birthday parties to sing at this summer. We cant earn some cash fast, and get free cake. Think about it Kurt. Getting paid for quality time with your boyfriend and cake. Chocolate, Funfetti, the occasional carrot cake. Did I mention ice cream cake? You know you can't resist my charms._

_We'll go on the first day so we can get discount tickets. That way we can work less parties. The novelty of free cake does wear off after a while. Your hips will thank me when they can still glide into those ever so skinny jeans of yours._

_We'll have to get there early to find some good parking. If we get there before they open we could find a way to spend our time wisely. Like shouting Katy Perry at the top of our lungs. Okay, there are many more things I'd rather be screaming, i.e. your name. But little kids go to that fair Kurt. I am not going to make a mother explain to her kid why there are strange noises coming from the car shaking across the parking lot._

_Then again, they do watch reality TV. _

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_Dear Kurt, _

_They say that swallowed gum will stay in your system for seven years. That is a lie. But that doesn't mean that I was worry free this morning when I accidentally swallowed my gum after Jeff whacked me on the back. In his defense, he didn't know I was chewing it at the time. I gagged on it for a minute and then it was gone. He felt so bad he offered me a new piece of gum. I politely declined._

_I mean, what if I were to accept his gum? There was a piece of Cinnamint Orbitz, that I may have possibly stolen from you when you weren't looking, somewhere inside my digestive system. He had that Extra Dessert Delights gum. It was supposed to taste like Strawberry Shortcake. Sure, I wanted to try it, but what if I swallowed my gum again? Then I'd have two pieces of gum inside of me._

_What if Mr. Cinnamint and Miss Strawberry were to mate with each other as they journeyed through my digestive tract? Then they'd have Baby Cinnaberry. Mint and strawberries do not go together. _

_What if they started a fight inside of me and got stuck somewhere inside of me? Then I'd hiccup and bubbles would come out. _

_Kurt, whatever you do, do not let me near a stick of gum until this one is fully digested. I don't care how you have to keep my mouth busy, but make sure that no gum enters. _

_I do have a few suggestions if you need them. _

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_Dear Kurt,_

_So the sweet lady from next door came over today. She was looking for her pekepoo. In case you are as confused as I am when I first met Clifford. Not Clifford like the big red dog either. That confused me at first too. More like Clifford, her deceased husband. Creepy right? If you were to die first, I'd never name a dog after you. Or any other animal._

_I rushed out of the shower and answered the door because apparently no one else could be bothered to get the door. My hair was a bit askew. I had tried to tame it on my way to the door, but I felt getting a shirt over my head was a higher priority. Answering the door shirtless is frowned upon in this household. Then again, so is not answering the door._

_After I assured her that her beloved pekepoo was not doggie napped by anyone at our house, she gave my a once over. Then she pointed at the top of my head. _

_"Boy, you need a haircut." I ran a hand through my untamed hair and smiled down at her. I promised her that I'd look into it when I had the time._

_I don't want to go get my hair cut. Last time I went they tried to coerce me into waxing my eyebrows. Which they were unsuccessful at by the way. I happen to like my eyebrows, and my hair. Besides, I can't let all of my hair gel go to waste. _

_Admit it, you think my eyebrows are hot._

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_Dear Kurt, _

_How is it that it is Monday night and I have no homework? I actually finished it before practice today. You are a very good incentive. _

_My shower cooled me down a bit. I decided to turn on some football to keep my mind off of what happened. I think my parents would get suspicious if I took another shower. I could always lie and say I found shampoo stuck in my hair. But washing out shampoo is a lot quicker than it needs to be. _

_I didn't think I was still in that frame of mind. I figured I was at a normal level of dirty, like soil-under-your-fingernails-after-weeding-the-garden dirty. Not playing-slip-and-slide-in-a-puddle-of-mud dirty. Clearly I was wrong. _

_I wasn't listening to the announcers too hard, but some phrases did catch my ear. _

_"He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it."_

_Gosh Kurt, how could a player injury sound so incredibly filthy? You have no idea where my mind is right now. Football words that sounded so innocent are making me blush. Among other things. _

_It seems as though Hickey: Part Two is definitely more detrimental. And to think, I wasn't even on the receiving end. _

_By the way, why haven't I been on the receiving end yet? _

_Looks like we're going to be needing a Part Three._

New message from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt, _

_I'm pretty sure that isn't what they meant by madly. More like, head over heels crazy._

_Actively idle,_

Backspace

_Driven crazy in love,_

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_I'll be Bach,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Bach is very happily in love with his Beethoven. That'd be you.)_


	38. Chapter 38

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Remember to review!**

_Dear Blaine, _

_I have a perfectly logical explanation for why I laughed at your blueberry muffin during lunch today. Which I was going to tell you before Nick and Jeff sat down. Between Jeff going on about the girl he met last night and Nick asking for all the details I couldn't get a word in edgewise. So now I will let you in on my secret so you do not feel out of the loop._

_You have to pinky promise not to laugh at my dream. And yes, I am holding out my pinky right now. _

_I was coming home from a trip to New York fashion week and had promised to bring you a bag of blueberry muffins. Apparently you had tried them on our honeymoon and loved them. When I came home empty handed, aside from the stuffed suitcase that barely made its weight requirement, you were upset to find that there were no muffins._

_You: So where are the muffins?_

_Me: The guy at luggage took them away. _

_You, pawing through what I had brought back: Why?_

_Me: Something about blueberry bombs. _

_You, dropping a pair of my boxers: Where they bombs?_

_Me: No, but at the rate he ate them, they'll probably be stomach bombs. _

_Then some, events, went down and my suitcase never got unpacked._

_I'm just glad you finally got your muffin. Guess that means I can't satisfy your hunger like in the dream then huh? _

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_Dear Blaine, _

_I have no idea how a child like Karlie could have spawned from your aunt. That woman is amazing. Not only is she charming (it must run in you mother's side of the family) but she is fashionable. When she called me this afternoon, asking if I wanted to go shopping with her I was shocked. One, because I had no idea how she got my phone number. It turns out she got it from your phone. Two, the type of clothes she was searching for._

_I cannot believe your aunt asked for my help buying baby clothes. I've never gotten to buy baby clothes. They're all so cute and tiny! Oh, I wish I had a baby so I could dress it up in little designer outfits. Designer being Kurt Hummel. I could design my own line of baby clothes. _

_Why did you never tell me your aunt was pregnant? I know you don't see her too often, normally just her dumping Karlie at your place and running off to who knows where. There is no way you could've missed that baby bump. I don't expect it to come up in normal conversation like "Yo Kurt, my aunt got herself a bun in the oven, y'know what I'm saying?" I just thought that it'd be one of those things that you would tell me in the least gangsta pimp way possible. _

_We weren't sure if it's going to be a boy or girl, so we got some clothes that could go either way. We raided Babies R Us and found a puppy footies outfit. It has puppy face booties! They'll have to wait a couple of months to fit in it, but it is worth the wait. I even convinced her to buy a new diaper bag to replace the one she has from Karlie's birth. _

_I wish those puppy footies came in my size. I could pull the look off, don't you think?_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_Do you Daltonites (Daltoners?) ever play real sports? Seriously, first dodgeball, and now kickball. At McKinley I could strut across the basketball court and let the sweaty guys fight over the ball like it was a hot girl. Some days I'd put forth the effort and get into a game of volleyball so I could accidentally almost smash someone in the face with the ball. The word accidentally is used very loosely here. _

_Then I transferred to Dalton and I'm faced with the wrath of red rubber balls. I put on my game face and threw some balls around. Fine. But I do not like kickball. Curse that red rubber ball._

_You know those parts in the scary movies where the monster gets closer to the camera and you feel like you're the person getting chased. The music gets way eerie and your breath is supposed to get all heavy. Well, that's how I felt when I was up to kick today._

_The gym teacher had put on a CD from 2008. "Disturbia" came on. Rihanna was not helping me concentrate. Then I imagined the ball being Karofsky's face. I kicked that thing so hard I was afraid I was going to knock somebody's head off. See, being ex-kicker of the McKinley football team, you'd think I love kickball. But with football the ball is perfectly still. In kickball it's tumbling towards you. _

_You know, you didn't have to cheer the ENTIRE time I ran around after my homerun. _

_Thanks for doing it anyway._

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_Dear Blaine,_

_After spending the afternoon with your aunt and finishing my homework, I am exhausted. It's nearly seven o'clock as you can tell by the time stamp, and I am considering calling it a night. I'm curled up in my blankets. I can't fall asleep with Finn and Mike playing video games. So instead I'm thinking about everything that I'm too young to worry about. _

_For one, I'm imagining our future child. What would their name be? I searched names that meant courage, just to be corny. I came up with Hernando and Drea. Those were the normal names. It doesn't really matter what the name means, as long as it sounds good and is easy to spell. _

_But for the record, your name means yellow. Mine means courteous. Hah._

_I'm more worried about the sexual orientation of our kid. Rachel was raised by two gay dads and turned out straight. The way she clings onto Finn like saran wrap onto a freshly frosted cake is evidence enough. I'm not sure why or how they work, but they do. _

_I'm curious though, do you think our kid'll like boys? We could have a boy that likes boys, or a girl that likes boys. Or a girl that likes girls. What if there's a future bully that slushies them and shoves them into lockers? Nobody knows how future bullies will act. For all we know they might blast them with milk cartons. That stuff sours. Our kid will walk into math class with sour milk dripping down their back. That is sad Blaine. Very sad._

_If we get a daughter, who will teach her about puberty? We are gay men. We do not deal with the female reproductive system. We'll have to ask Carole for help. Or your mom. We should ask Rachel about this._

_Not too soon. I'm not ready to be a father yet. I'm still young, and I don't want to baby proof our relationship for fear that a toddler will walk in on us doing things toddlers should not see._

_By the way, you'll be on diaper duty. _

New message from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine,_

_Your head is already over your heels, but I will agree that you are crazy. It's what makes us so perfect together._

_Sweet dreams,_

Backspace

_From the city of wonder,_

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_I'll be Beethoven,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. We need to buy a present for when your aunt has her baby. Looks like a trip to Build a Bear is in order.)_


	39. Chapter 39

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Happy Memorial Day weekend to my reviewers.**

_Dear Kurt,_

_As I sat down to write you an email I neglected to see the pekepoo resting in my place. I went to sit on the edge of the bed to take off my socks and I felt something nip at my butt. More like someone. A ten pound, brown haired canine who decided it was best to sink its claw into my rear. Though I can agree, if somebody sat on me I'd be causing some physical harm too. _

_I jumped up, nearly falling forward as I tugged off my sock. Clifford peered up from his position on my bed. I'm not even sure how he got in here. All I know is that I had a dog staring at me with one sock on, one off. I pulled off the other. Once barefoot I went to the window. The neighbor's car was missing. So I picked him up and toted him to the kitchen. Nana was chopping up some carrots._

_Turns out, Nana was doggy sitting for her friend. She must not have been paying too much attention if he ended up in my room. I set him down on the floor. _

_Might I divulge that for a brief (2.5 seconds to be exact) moment I thought that all inanimate objects had decided to take revenge on me and that it was indeed the bed that bit my butt? If this is what my bed feels about me fantasizing, whatever will it do when those fantasies become real? It'll probably swallow us whole. Wait, did I just say us? Darn, you weren't supposed to know that I have fantasies about us doing certain things on this bed. Forget that ever happened. Fill your mind with thoughts of our future puppy. _

_Except we'll name ours something awesome, not after some dead guy._

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_Dear Kurt,_

_I was listening to some music while I finished my homework. I had on my Katy Perry cd and was trying very hard to refrain from belting out the Teenage Dream. Because not even one track into the cd and I was already thinking about you. Now you are a fabulous person and I love you more than a fish loves water, but I needed to get my work done. Plus I didn't want to scare off Clifford who was keeping me company, playing with my socks that I had tossed on the floor._

_By track three, I started humming California Gurls. How could you expect me to refrain from the best song of the summer? Summer is an awesome season. Sure, spring is all flowers, fall is changing leaves. Winter's good too, with the cuddling and hot chocolate. But summer is better. I may be a bit biased considering the fact that it is freezing out right now. Ask me this summer and we'll see how badly I want snow. _

_When I'm out of that uniform for weeks on end, walking around in plaid shorts it is a different world. I can wear flip flops and complain about the blisters that'll form between my toes. I'll walk along the poolside with the water schlepping beneath my feet. You'll be at the pool too, refusing to actually enter the water. I'll playfully nudge you towards the edge and you'll concede to put your feet in. By the end of the summer I'll be kissing you underwater. _

_We can even hit the beach and build a sandcastle. One with shells and flags and a moat. Isn't a great plan? High five. I'm holding my hand up to the screen. _

_Go ahead, you know you want to._

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_Dear Kurt,_

_If you weren't already mine, I'd have Wes and David Kurtnap you and lock you in a tower. One with a moat and a dragon. Then I'd rescue you and you'd fall madly in love with me. Although unlike Fiona and Rapunzel, we aren't animated. Things would have to be a little different._

_The tower would be more like a janitor's closet. There is no way I could climb all those stairs without running short of breath. I'm not out of shape, but it's a freaking tower. I'd need to train on the stair climber. Think of how firm my legs would get. You wouldn't be able to resist my rock hardness._

_The moat and dragon would be more like Nick and a freshly mopped floor. He's not scaly, nor can he blow flames to my knowledge. I wouldn't know. I could get Jeff to stand behind him with a lighter so that it looks like he is breathing flames. We wouldn't want to set off the fire alarms. I suppose a well crafted paper flame would suffice. _

_You're not a damsel in distress. You are clearly male. Karofsky does cause you distress. Does that make him the villain? I sure hope so because the villain always loses. I would be all noble hero and such with a biff and thwack. Just sound effects. No punching. Those fights are always staged in movies anyway. _

_Then he'd be angry and use his football rage to literally kapow me into oblivion. The audience would gasp and he'd be all 'how do you like them apples, you insert-derogatory-term-here' and I'd be all 'Well, I'm more of a banana guy' before knocking him down. Then you'd cheer and wrap your arms around me and we'd get married after being together for a whole 17 minutes._

_Luckily you already love me. And even though it'll take more than 17 minutes, I can wait. _

_I'd wait forever for you._

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_Dear Kurt, _

_My aunt called me earlier to tell me about your shopping trip. I wasn't even aware of it until after it happened. Normally if she runs off somewhere she takes her husband with her and drops off Karlie. I guess she stayed home with her dad today. Not that I have any problem with that. It is much easier to doggy sit than watch Karlie. The most I had to worry about with Clifford is where he went to the bathroom. With Karlie, I have to make sure she doesn't destroy the bathroom. _

_She told me about the puppy outfit and the diaper bag you made her get. She said you told her one day you want to make your own baby fashion line. I could imagine you curled up on the couch sketching onesies while I fill out the adoption forms. Or you coloring in a doodle while I talk things over with the surrogate mother. I'd pass you a turkey sandwich and you'd refuse saying you have to finish your design and I'd argue that the baby isn't being born for another five months and shove the plate back at you. _

_When Clifford had to go home, I felt lonely. It was cool to have someone to watch over and play with. Someone who wouldn't stick mashed yams in my socks just to see my reaction. He may have tore a hole in one, but they appear to be yam free. Whatever will I do when our future child grows up and gets married? We'll be empty nesters. All we'll have left is each other, and an old dog that sleeps at the end of the bed. _

_Growing old sucks._

_Unless you're involved. I wouldn't mind growing old with you._

New message from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt,_

_Two fully grown gay men shopping at Build a Bear. Sounds fun._

_From the highest tower, _

Backspace

_Writing you love songs,_

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_Sockless,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. We're getting the Champion Bear so we can support some 'pawsome' causes. Take that juvenile diabetes!)_


	40. Chapter 40

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I apologize to my fabulous reviewers for the wait, but my computer was at the doctors. I do not own Glee.**

_Dear Blaine,_

_If the government found out it could support life on the moon, gays and lesbians would be sent to live on it. The bisexuals would stay on earth unless they decide to date the same gender. There wouldn't be a population issue because we can't reproduce. Unless someone had a drunken one night stand. But if the moon can't even support grapes to make wine, what will we eat? They'll send care packages with cheese dip and canned beans. But we won't have a can opener no matter how often we ask. If the gave us cans with pull tabs so we could open them, we'd get it every day and every day would be taco day on the moon. And when my family comes to visit, they'll bring like lotion and magazines and a bag of Red Vines for you. Finn'll be proud as he passes over a tub of microwave oatmeal and I'll have to tell him we don't have a microwave. (The government is cheap.) _

_Days later he will return and attempt to kidnap us back to earth after disguising you as a girl, claiming we found love. Then when we return to earth one of us will have to dress drag the rest of our life or we can hide out in my bedroom closet, which just puts a whole new meaning to being in the closet. We will never go to Taco Bell or Mighty Taco again and we will make enough microwave oatmeal to feed an army of senior citizens who will help us bring our fellow gays home._

_If not, we can always cuddle in a crater._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_Barbie has done everything. And that's fine, if you want to be little Miss All-around-so-freakin'-perfect-with-my-friends-that-look-like-me-but-with-a-different-ethnicity-in-a-ploy-to-sell-dolls-to-a-broader-range-of-girls-and-boys-who-are-accused-of-being-pansies-for-playing-with-dolls. (41 words, because I know you tried counting.) But I don't want to be Miss 41 word name. I don't even want to be Mister 41 word name. I want to be Kurt Hummel, fashion extraordinaire with handsome boyfriend Blaine Warbler. _

_This afternoon I brought in and sorted the mail. There on top was a Barbie catalog addressed to me. Which I have no idea why considering I didn't request it. It was probably a sick joke by Azimio or somebody. I left it with the rest of the mail and did my homework. After I had finished I decided to relax in front of the TV with a bowl of Whales crackers. Can you believe that nothing is on TV on Wednesday afternoons? I mean, there I was with a bowl of Whales all ready to go and nothing to watch. So I decided to look at the Barbie catalog._

_I had to find some way to pass the time while you finished your homework. Which is why when you finally came over you caught me looking at the complete list of Barbie's occupations on the internet. Paleontologist, cat burglar, Spanish teacher. If Mr. Schue ever retires, he'll have to give Barbie a call. She's eternally young. _

_I am so jealous of her perfect complexion. _

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_Dear Blaine,_

_I am so incredibly sorry for Finn's behavior tonight. The way I figured, I gave him my Whales and full control of the TV remote before you came over. The least he could do is not make a fool of me. But I must have had a giant dunce cap on my head because he kept poking fun at me. Which is ridiculous, because I'd never wear a dunce cap. Not even if it was designer._

_ His brain to mouth filter must have been broken. I only wish I would've called a mechanic to fix it. I'm sure my dad could've worked something out, seeing as though he works on cars. Just a good twist of the wrench to him and he'd be fixed up good. Heck, even I could've taken his wrench to Finn. I just know he doesn't like me touching his stuff when he isn't around like how I don't like his nose in my stuff. _

_It all started when I was heating a can of chicken corn chowder on the stove. For some odd reason he asked how intimate our relationship was. I'm not sure if he was honestly curious or wanted to see me squirm. I'm betting it's a bit of both. With the parents out of the house for the evening, he needed to be informed on our agenda so that he could decide whether to stay home or head over to Puck's. _

_"I have Kurt penciled in for a quickie behind the couch at 6:30." I cannot believe you said that to him. He raced faster out of the house than a rabbit on steroids. Later when he returned I was brushing my teeth. I picked up my cup and rinsed. _

_"So do you spit or swallow?" I nearly spewed my across the mirror. _

_"What? It's only mouthwash!"_

_Coming from the guy that thought he impregnated his girlfriend in a hot tub, I really don't expect more._

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_Dear Blaine,_

_I was reading comments on Youtube and one of them was a lame chain letter that said if I don't repost it 3 times in the next two days I'm going to die. It's been 47 hours since then, so if I die tonight at least I'll be happy. Who couldn't be after what happened on the couch tonight? Granted it wasn't what Finn thought would happen, but it certainly satisfied me. Judging by those noises you made, I'd say you were pretty satisfied too. _

_There are still so many things I have to do before I die. _

_1. Graduate high school and throw an awesome grad party with Finn. Mainly because we have the same friends and live in the same house, so it'd save us some money. And when it comes to a Hudmel extravaganza, we do all we can to make a small amount of money go a long way. You've seen the wedding pictures. _

_2. Get accepted to a New York college with you and share a living quarters. Dorm or apartment; it doesn't matter. As long as it has soundproof walls so we can sing Disney duets on the top of our lungs. In the shower. _

_3. Buy a house with you and a dog. Eventually adopt a child that the dog becomes best friends with. Find sock mysteriously placed on dog's tail. Interrogate child with one sock missing. Tickle child into oblivion until they confess. _

_4. Grow old babysitting grandchildren and feeding ducks at the park. Read the newspaper with grandpuppy. Watch as you roll around on yur back so you can get a belly rub because you're jealous of the puppy. Indulge._

_It appears to me that 48 hours and 7 minutes have passed and I am still very alive._

_Looks like I'll be getting to my bucket list after all._

New email from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine,_

_Champion bear it is. When are we going?_

_Love you to the moon and back,_

Backspace

_Minty fresh,_

Backspace

_Also sockless,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. Finn is still a bit put off by your comment earlier. I think you broke him.)_


	41. Chapter 41

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Leave reviews!**

_Dear Kurt, _

_After our talk Thursday afternoon I have figured out one thing. Your friends at McKinley High bares a striking resemblance to Looney Tunes. Check it out._

_Finn is the popular good guy Bugs Bunny. Rachel in turn is Daffy Duck. Always seems to be around Finn/Bugs and self-centered. Puck is like Pepé le Pew. Not that he stinks, but he's always looking for some loving and thinks that every girl is flirting with him. Artie is Marvin the Martian, a little out there, a little geeky. Quinn is Lola Bunny. Interested in being with Finn/Bugs, popular and pretty. Mike is Speedy Gonzales, foreign and good on his feet. _

_Tina is Porky. I am not saying that she is a pig by any means. I fear that she'd castrate me or cast some ancient Asian spell. But you said she used to fake a lisp and Porky lisps. By the way, have you seen the Porky Pig blooper on Youtube? I swear I will never look at the pig the same way again. Tina should be honored that I gave her someone who isn't afraid to speak their mind._

_Santana is Penelope the cat, with long dark hair and the kind of attitude where nothing will get in her way when she wants it. Wait, does that make Puck her love interest? I think that earns me bonus points for unintentional accuracy. Mercedes is Granny, not putting up with anyone when something is wrong. Lauren is Foghorn Leghorn, where not everyone likes her and her hard to swallow personality. Brit is Road Runner, a sweet and innocent person who isn't the most academic. (Road Runner can't read.) Karofsky is Wile E. Coyote. He isn't after her specifically, but he's always trying to get to the good guys. No one is there to regulate his actions like Coyote and Road Runner in the middle of the desert, except he doesn't have any ACME products. Sue is Sylvester, sly and trying to win but never succeeding in the end. It's a threat, but I really thing she cares about you. _

_And then there is Sam. He's Yosemite Sam because they're both named Sam._

_Yeah, Sam is a total theory buster._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Like any normal human being, I have been victim of what I like to call weird dreams. (I was going to come up with an incredibly long and convoluted name for it, but my mind seemed to draw a huge blank.) Last night I had one. _

_It was the end of the school year. The science teacher was retiring, so Wes decided to coordinate a retirement party. Not one of those, "Goodbye ol' chap, we'll miss you terribly. Would you like one or two sugars with your tea?" type parties where everyone noshes on pastries and wears lace gloves like civil adults. I could only imagine Jeff in a pair of white gloves, trying to daintily stuff a raspberry scone in his mouth. _

_Instead he decided to plan a costume party. There was a catch. You had to wear a costume that somehow related to science. He scheduled it for a day after school. In my dream we were at the party people watching. One group had dressed as the planetary system, including Pluto and the moon. Another group came in as the food groups. There was a banana, an artichoke, a box of Raisin Bran, a carton of chocolate milk and a peanut. He even had a monocle and top hat like Mr. Peanut. _

_Yes, my dreams are very vivid. I bet you can imagine what happens when I dream about other things, or people named Kurt Hummel._

_You and I had decided to go as an electron, me and a proton, you. We were handcuffed together because opposite charges attract. _

_Plus it gave me an excuse to hold your hand all night._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Fridays are the kind of day where people are excited about the weekend and like to make conversation with their fellow Warblers. Take today for instance. We were at the table doing math. Thad was working on the assignment with me when you decided to stretch. A stretch that showed off a certain spot on your neck that we had agreed to keep hidden. _

_Thad: So Blaine, you and Kurt did it?_

_Me: It?_

_Thad: Yeah, did you do the deed?_

_I feigned confusion to ruffle his feathers. _

_Thad: Shag? Bang? Bump uglies? Get lucky? Mess around? Go parking? Do the nasty? Hanky panky? Grind some organs? Get Some?_

_Me: (surprised that Thad knew so many ways to describe intercourse) Get some what? Oh, we did go get some milk for my mom last night when we ran out. _

_Thad: Did you or did you not put the pencil in the sharpener?_

_Me: Of course I did. It was dull._

_You: (holding up pencil) Hey Blaine, I need to sharpen my pencil._

_Thad: Wait, you didn't-oh forget it. _

_Never have I seen Thad turn so many shades of red. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_When I got out of the shower and examined myself in the fogged up mirror to discover the most beautiful blemish in the world. Well, that was the most oxymoronic alliteration I've ever heard. But it was. Most people would consider it a blemish, a mistake of the skin. I think it is one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen. On the outside it may have not been the most attractive but to someone who knows the story behind it, it is beautiful._

_Blaine__ Anderson has received his first ever hickey from his amazing boyfriend. _

_It's about time._

_I stared at it in awe for a few good long minutes at it until Nana knocked on the door. I've come to realize that Nana has a knack for interrupting when I'm thinking about you. Though that happens a lot, so short of her never talking to me again, it'll continue to happen. I pulled on my pajamas and wrapped the towel around my neck covering the evidence._

_I opened the door. I patted my hair well past dry until it started to stick up. _

_"You know, if you don't want your parents finding out, you should be a bit less obvious about hiding that spot on your neck." _

_Must Nana notice everything? I swear that women is psychic. _

_"I was a teenager once too you know." She traded my towel for a sweatshirt. I put it on and she zipped it up to the top._

_Have I mentioned how awesome my Nana is?_

New email from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt,_

_Lets go Saturday during lunch. Everyone'll be at lunch so it won't be so crowded._

_The electron to your proton,_

Backspace

_Besotted, _

Backspace

_Still without socks,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Thank you so much for this wonderful present you left me on my neck. No wonder Thad thought we were doing the nasty.)_


	42. Chapter 42

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Happy summer to my wonderful reviewers!**

_Dear Blaine,_

_Who knew a fully grown teenage boy could have so much fun at Build a Bear? It was so vast and exuberating. I felt like a little Kurt Hummel, before bullies and teenage angst. Young Kurt's biggest worries were getting sand in his swim trunks or the sun melting his strawberry ice cream and it falling on his shoe. And then my mom died and life got harder. The first Christmas without her I cried and icicles formed on my nose. I started getting thrown into dumpsters. I was chased out of my own school by some homophobic jocks who had way too much extra cash to spend on slushies. Yet there I was today, in BAB, feeling young again. _

_To think, I wasn't even the one getting the bear._

_When we got to the stuffing machine with our Champion bear I didn't know what to expect. Then you were doing jumping jacks and rubbing the heart along your knees and heart and eyes and ears and every body part in between. The external parts anyway. It's not like you ripped your body open and rubbed it across your spleen for immunity. You stuck to the simple stuff. I had my eye on the kid at the station after us and he was doing a lot more than you. I guess the worker thought you were too old to act foolish._

_Which is an entirely ridiculous notion, because I'm dating you and I know better. _

_I loved the ways your curls bounced when you jumped up and down. Is that why you gel your hair up all the time? So it doesn't bounce when you leap onto furniture? _

_Seriously Pookie, it's becoming a habit._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_Just my luck. I am not being at all sarcastic when I say that. I'm being sincere. What are the chances that while in BAB you meet someone totally awesome and not another four year old screaming "Stuff my bear!" at the top of their lungs from the trail of the birthday parade. You could've warned me about that. It's a good thing they were doing it as we were checking out. I would've gone crazy. _

_Not only did we meet one awesome person, but three. The Leveque family is what I want us to be when we grow up. Okay, maybe not entirely, but the gist of it. Let me give you a quick rundown._

_I do want:_

_To be a gay (or in their case lesbian) set of parents with an adorable child that accepts our lifestyle choice._

_To raise a kid with manners and love. That family radiated love like Camembert cheese. Except it didn't stink. My apologies for the bad analogy._

_To be able to hold hands and kiss in public without a care about what others think of me._

_I do not want:_

_To be a vegan to save the animals. I won't wear real fur, but even I have to have my eggs and milk. _

_To dye my hair Electric Flamingo Pink with Manic Panic hair dye._

_To be a girl._

_That last one was a bit obvious, huh?_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_You weren't serious about setting up a play date between Karlie and Marius were you? I understand that Karlie is going to be going through a tough time soon when the incoming baby gets all the attention, but I'm afraid she'll break him. He's so cute and innocent with his missing front teeth and the bounce in his walk that says "I am one happy six year old." She's more impish. Then again, they say opposites attract. They're young, so it's not like we have to worry about them running off to get eloped in some Vegas chapel by some Elvis impersonator. _

_I am looking forward to that talk with Jade and Eve. It's so helpful to have found a gay couple who has gone through what we will. They'll be like our mentors. Only this time, I'm keeping my promise not to fall in love with mentor. I think I'm pretty safe here, considering they're both girls. That, and Jade has pink hair. Not really my thing. _

_Lima Bean is not going to know what hit it. Two gay couples talking openly and publicly about options and the works of the having a child. Though we won't be able to carry our own baby made with some donor's genes they'll still probably know about adoption. Or surrogacy, so our baby could have your good looks and talent. Then we'll be the ones taking our son/daughter to BAB, and letting them walk off and introduce themselves to random strangers making a teddy bear for their aunt. _

_They could be a future Warbler, or whatever the name of the glee club is at their school. Which reminds me. I was searching pictures of warblers to explain to Finn what one was exactly and he came across a picture of a Kirtland's warbler. It confused him deeply that it was not a typo for Kurtland's warbler, which could have been wonderfully perfect seeing as I am Kurt. To make matters worse, he pointed out that they are a rare breed in north eastern North America. He said that guys like me are rare, and I live in Ohio, a state that is both north and eastern. Only thing is, they go to the Bahamas for the winter._

_I'm more of a New York person personally, but I wouldn't mind flying to the Bahamas if you came with me._

_You'd carry all my bags while I go shopping._

_That, and occupy me on the plane down. We both know how good you are at being distracting._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_If I was a stuffed bear with a closet like the one at the store I would be content for life. They had outfits for everything. I could be in the military, or a cop, or a biker. At this moment I predict you are imagining straddling the seat behind me in skintight leather zooming though the city on a motorcycle. If not, you are now. _

_I cannot believe we spent five minutes debating boxers or briefs. It's a bear for a baby. They're not going to pull down the bear's pants and start singing the Pullups training pants song. I promise you. That bear could've gone commando and nobody would've known._

_It was so hard to choose between the gondolier outfit and the alpine boy one. I could've pulled off either one. I only say this because now you're picturing me in a pair of suspenders that you want to use to yank me forward for your benefit and lederhosen that you want to peel off my feet, exposing my legs. Either that, or me attempting to paddle down the river while you hug me from behind, balancing on the gondola. Then we'd fall into the water and get in a splashing war. Face it Blaine, you're going to be thinking these thoughts whether you want to or not._

_And I'm pretty sure you want to, because who doesn't want to think about their boyfriend in compromising situations? Unless of course you are in class and start drooling over your math book. _

_You better hope that your niece/nephew isn't too attached to their new bear or you're going to be having some fantasy issues._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_Did Mr. Bear make it home okay from the store? I'm going to miss our little love child._

_You're pawsome,_

Backspace

_Captain of the loveboat,_

Backspace

_Beary in love,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I found a vegan cookie recipe for when Marius comes over. Would Nana be willing to lend a hand?) _


	43. Chapter 43

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Reviews, please and thank you!**

_Dear Kurt,_

_I was in the shower this afternoon after our lunch date with the LeVeques. I got to thinking like I normally do when I'm in there. Yes, about you. But not the normal thoughts that shall remain unsaid. Or unwritten, because I know you'd find that loophole. I was imagining how life would be if we were a foot tall. We'd be the size of a Ken doll, but we wouldn't be stiff and made of plastic. It'd be pretty awesome. _

_First off, we could get ourselves a toy Mustang to drive around in. It wouldn't need gas, so we'd save money there. If anything, we'd need some double A batteries to power the remote control. It'd depend on the model we got. Then we could take the car to the drive in theater, which would really be the television set. The screen would be huge. We could pop in a movie and share a bucket of popcorn. _

_Then I'd take you to the bathtub and we'd splash around like it was an Olympic sized pool. We'd have to be careful not to get stuck in the drain. We could bring in a rubber duck and ride around on his back. That, or we could take Karlie's toy boat and set sail on the S.S. Klaine. _

_Oh no, I hadn't thought about what happens if Karlie finds us. She'd probably try to pull one of our heads off. If I wanted a beheaded boyfriend I'd date the headless horseman. _

_What would happen if we had to go to the bathroom? For one, we'd fall in the toilet. And if we were Ken dolls per se, we wouldn't know how to go to the bathroom. I doubt they make those things anatomically correct. No mother wants to explain the birds and the bees to a five year old. I can imagine explaining it to Karlie right now, and it is very disturbing._

_If the neighbor dog came over we'd get chased around the living room. We could get slobbered on. I don't want anyone's saliva anywhere on me. _

_Okay, besides yours. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_In the deep, dark depths of my dresser drawer I discovered something. But before I tell you what it was, I must claim one thing. I am king of alliteration. We were learning about it in my English class and I have proven that I am better at it than Jeff. If he happens to ask you who is the king of alliteration tomorrow would you kindly tell him I am? I have a pair of pink sunglasses riding on this. You really don't want my sunglasses going to Jeff, do you Kurt? I know you don't. _

_Now that I have taken care of that, back to my amazing discovery. There in my drawer was an old rainbow slinky. It's one of those things I'm always meaning to get rid of, but then I find it and pull it out. I play with it for a little while, become attached to it for the next 24 hours and shove it back in the drawer to be rediscovered at a later time. Seriously, I'm typing with one hand so I can play with the slinky in the other. _

_I'm singing the slinky song. "It's Slinky, it's Slinky. For fun it's a wonderful toy. It's Slinky, it's Slinky. It's fun for a girl or a boy." It's alright, my parents are out on a dinner date. I don't think Nana minds my singing too much. She hasn't said anything. For all I know she could have took my keys and is out joyriding this very minute. I wouldn't put it past her. _

_No, my keys are still on top of my dresser, right where I left them. She must still be here._

_So Kurt, do you want to play with my slinky? _

_Oh no, Nana is at my door. I hope she doesn't confiscate my slinky._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_I feel so horrible for Jade. Sure, I feel bad for Eve too, seeing as though she went along for the ride. But she didn't have to put up with half of what Jade went through. Eve is like you. Pushed around for the life she chose, with an understanding family that loves her and would do anything to keep her happy. Your dad would do anything to keep you happy and safe, even if it meant breaking a few jaws along the way. _

_Jade isn't lucky like you. For her to share her story with us took a lot of nerve. One day when we have a kid we'll tell them the story of Jade Leveque and why she is one of the most courageous people I have ever met. Right up there with the ever gorgeous Kurt Hummel._

_It'll go something like this: Jade was playing with her G.I. Joe doll when the doorbell rang. Her grandmother opened the door to find the police at her front door. They had come looking for her parents on charges of theft and murder. Jade never saw her parents again. They had run away that afternoon with no plans of ever looking back. Her grandmother got custody of her and raised her until Jade was ten years old. She came home to find her grandmother dead by the phone. She hung up the receiver and called for help, but it was too late. When she was a teenager she started having feelings toward the girl she shared a room with at her foster home. Her roommate caught her staring one day as she got dressed and listed off every four letter word she could think of. Not nice words like 'cake' or 'milk' either. Harsh words that burned holes in Jade's heart. Holes that grew bigger every time someone beat her down for liking girls. She left for college and met Eve. They tried to adopt, but kept getting turned down for being gay parents. Finally one day they got a boy named Marius. And even though they aren't a conventional family, they still love each other. The end." _

_Of course it will be more detailed and we'll have to wait until our child is old enough to understand, but that's a good outline right? That's what I remember from lunch today._

_That, and Jade's pink hair matched the icing on our cookie. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_I can hear Nana playing with my slinky. I should've known better than to hand it over so voluntarily. Now I'm here with no slinky to play with. I've gone probably a year without it and ow that I've found it I don't want to give it up. It's sort of like you. Please take note that I am in no way calling you a slinky. You are not worthless and I do not want to push you down the stairs. _

_At first you were a cute guy who was in the right place at the right time. Then you were my best friend and now you are my boyfriend. Had you approached some other boy on the stairs that day I would have never known what I was missing. Now I don't want to miss you. _

_Sorry to break the romantic mood and all, but how awesome would it be to send this slinky down our staircase? Provided nobody is using the staircase when we do it. It wouldn't be too disruptive. Not like if we were to bring Mr. Bear in. With those satin fuchsia briefs and that tuxedo of his, he'd be the sharpest dresser in all of Dalton with his fancy blazer. _

_You know you love the blazer._

_Too bad they didn't have any good musician outfits. He could have been the leader of a marching band with one of those ridiculously fuzzy hats. Not that the baby is going to care. My aunt on the other hand will freak out if she ever takes his pants off. _

_You dirty rascal you. Picking out satin underpants and such. _

_Is that also a personal choice? If you don't tell me I may be forced to take personal action._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Nana said if you come over early enough Saturday we can make the cookies. That way they'll be warm and fresh._

_Hot and steamy,_

Backspace

_Everyone loves a slinky,_

Backspace

_Feeling beary loved,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. I haven't had the heart to confine Mr. Bear to a box yet, so he's sitting on my dresser. When should we give him up?)_


	44. Chapter 44

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Remember to leave a review!**

_Dear Blaine, _

_Since I had nothing better to do on a Sunday night I decided to do a Google search. After a quick search I learned that humans are not the only gay creatures on earth. In fact, many animals practice homosexuality. Of course, being me, I was inclined to actually check out some of the websites. Now, for your reading pleasure, since I'm sure your homework is done and you too are perusing the internet or taking a shower by now, I shall share my findings. Then you can be well informed and I'll have something to get my mind off of you in the shower._

_Worms are al hermaphrodites. So because they have male and female parts, they technically aren't a specific gender. So can worms basically date whoever they want with the label of being bisexual? Not that worms date. I imagine they'd lose their mate pretty soon. Worms are always finding themselves dead on blacktop after the rain or wriggling for their life on the end of a fishing line. Is it too much for them to ask to be able to raise a little worm family? I'm sorry, I'm still a little bit emotional from earlier. Jade really knows how to make a boy cry. _

_Bonobo chimps are like humans. According to the website they "copulate frequently, scream out in delight while doing so, and often engage in homosexual activities." Doesn't that just sound ever so delightful? They also say that during mating season bison males "engage in same-sex activities several times a day." _

_But oh my goodness, Blaine, Brit was right. Dolphins are gay. I'll spare you the horrid details, but lets just agree that maybe dolphin isn't the best term of endearment to describe me. We haven't gone that far._

_At least, not yet._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_When we visit New York, because you know we inevitably will one day go, I have a request. Of course we'll see Broadway and shop until we drop. We'll check into our hotel at midnight and laugh until our butts almost fall off (because what else would I stare at?) as we try to fit two people onto a bed made for one person. _

_We'll pass over the pizzerias that emit smells of New York style pizza, because I still need to fit into my skinny jeans. If we want to stick to eat New York food we could eat Waldorf salad or Manhattan clam chowder. Or we could survive solely on coffee and an extra large box of Cheerios. Though they'd probably make me homesick without my girls. What we eat doesn't matter now. We'll figure that out later._

_What really matters is what I had intended to tell you minutes ago before my brain went off in a different direction. When we go to NYC, we are going to the Central Park zoo. There we will visit the penguin exhibit, where Roy and Silo live. Together they raised a penguin named Tango, despite the fact that they were both males. Unfortunately, they split up and Roy is single now. Silo found a female partner. So while we can't celebrate gay penguin-dom, we can still dote on penguins and how amazingly cute they are. _

_If two penguins can become accepted as gay in New York, then you and I will fit in too._

_If not, we could always dress up as penguins._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I am scared. Finn is over at Puck's place, and rather than going out to flirt with random girls or whatever it is they do when they go out, they decided to stay in and mess with Puck's microwave oven. Every time they microwave something, I'm afraid it's going to blow up. And if it does blow up, or if the microwave catches on fire, who knows how long it'll take to fix. Which means if two idiots put something in there and it catches on fire and they accidentally burn the house down because neither of them can figure out how to put the fire out I'll be boarding with Puck. _

_Knowing them, Finn'll suggest they stop, drop and roll and nothing will get accomplished. Puck probably doesn't have a good fire extinguisher in the house. _

_They're texting me whenever they put something new in. Apparently they are also taking pictures to upload on the internet. Because you know, Youtube videos aren't enough. That's where they got the stupid idea in the first place. Some people, namely Puck, don't listen to the "don't try this at home" warning. _

_Hopefully they'll stick to only the good ideas. I don't want to hear about ketchup packets lighting on fire or Tamagotchi. Finn's shared those videos with me, and it's not pretty. Not that I'm encouraging them to explode something safe. But I do not want to be the one to explain to Carole why her son has burn marks on various parts of his body. _

_I don't want to be the one to nurse his injuries either. The only person I'll play nurse for is you and Dad._

_Except I don't wear the nurse costume around Dad._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_While Finn attempts to blow his eyebrows up, I'm searching about homosexual animals and New York City. I really should be more concerned about my brother. I should march right down to Puck's house and pull him home by the ear. Okay, so maybe I'd take the Navigator instead considering the snow is still piled up outside. And it wouldn't be right away, only after I've wrapped myself up in multiple layers to be sure the cold couldn't get to me. And my hand wouldn't be on his ear. For one he's too tall for me to reach his ear. And another, I need to keep both hands on the wheel if I don't want to crash into anything. _

_Therefore I will trust that Finn and Puck are mature responsible adults who will not blow anything up._

_I'm keeping my fingers crossed._

_And my toes._

_Is it possible to cross your toes?_

_All right, now I'm just babbling. Where's a coherent thought when I need one? I had a whole bunch of them when I was with Jade and Eve this afternoon. Maybe if I think about them I'll have many coherent thoughts. _

_Eve attended an all girls school where she roomed with her first girlfriend. They stayed together until the end of her sophomore year, when she transferred to a new school. Eve's new roommate snuck her out to a club where she met a boy. She became best friends with the boy who soon wanted to be friends with benefits. Not benefits like employee discounts, even though Eve had gotten hired at McDonalds and he was convinced she could score him some free fries. Eve graduated, left home to go to college and became vegan. Eve met Jade and eventually adopted Marius._

_Marius, like Les Mis Marius. As in "A Little Fall of Rain," running through my head right now. _

_Care to duet Blaine Warbler? _

New message from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine,_

_I'll be there before the rooster crows. Not that there is an actual rooster, but we'll agree on nine a.m. _

_Your dolphin,_

Backspace

_Ignoring Finn,_

Backspace

_And rain will make the flowers grow,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I say we give him up at the hospital. Then we'll never have to confine him!)_


	45. Chapter 45

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. For PenelopesStories, who is an amazing reviewer.**

_Dearest Kurt, _

_What I really wanted to say was Dearest Kurt-who-is-sexier-than-anything-in-Blaine's-fantasies-of-them-rolling-around-in-a-giant-pool-of-banana-pudding-during-the-middle-of-summer-despite-the-fact-that-it's-a-week-into-January-and-Blaine-is supposed-to-be-paying-attention-to-the-math-problem-on-the-board, but it seemed like overkill. It's not my fault that I was hungry. It's also not my fault that there was a chocolate pudding cup in my lunch that did not do anything to help bog down my fantasies. There shouldn't have been a problem, seeing as it was chocolate and not banana. But my imagination can be very active some mornings. Especially when you send flirty texts with winky faces during breakfast. _

_There I was, sitting in math, daydreaming and copying down the numbers on the board. I was halfway through the problem when my stomach growled. That's when I started thinking about you. It's not your fault in the slightest. It's as if Jade and Eve have sparked some new sense of hope in me, and I hope to stay forever in love with you. _

_Of course the teacher called on me for the answer and I scrambled to make up some sort of answer. It was one of those, 'where is x?' problems and I was tempted to take the easy way out, walking to the board and pointing straight at it, saying 'there it is.' But rather than following the example of some smart alec teenager on the internet I explained that I was unable to find it. The teacher went through the problem and made me do the next one on the board. _

_I knew what I was doing by that point, but I heard hushed snickers when my back was turned. I swear, if we were at McKinley I'd have one of my friends throwing erasers at the back of my head. I wonder if they'd bounce back or if they'd get stuck in my hair gel. I suppose if we were at McKinley I wouldn't be using hair gel and it'd get caught in my curls. Then I'd be Pink Pearl Head. _

_I've been called Frodo for my height. I've been called Blaine Warbler for my musical talents. I've even been called Pookie because my boyfriend loves me like Garfield loves his stuffed bear Pooky. (Either that, or it's a reference to Rent. The origins of this nickname have yet to be discovered.) _

_But nobody will ever call me Pink Pearl Head or I will do horrible things to them._

_As soon as I think of some._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Is it just me, or did the teachers pile on the homework today? It's past dinner now and I finished my homework maybe ten minutes ago at the most. I didn't even want to stop for dinner, and we were having six cheese tortellini. That is a lot of cheese Kurt. _

_I attempted to work on my homework while eating. Now there's a tortellini stain on my math paper. First daydreaming in class, now stained homework. My teacher is going to think I've lost it. Perhaps a peace offering of tortellini is in order. I was going to bring leftovers for lunch tomorrow, but it looks like you and I will have to share pasta some other time. I'll make sure we get spaghetti and a meatball so we can be like Lady and the Tramp. I'm not pushing the meatball with my nose though. Blaine Anderson is no puppy._

_Even if he does get excited like one from time to time. _

_Now that my belly is full of tortellini and my homework is done I have nothing to do. I'm regretting turning down going out for coffee with you this afternoon. If I had known that while extensive my homework was relatively easy I would've agreed to spending time with you. It is one of my favorite things to do after all. Ah well. Now I'm coffee-less and must settle for writing you lengthy emails. I could send you a million little texts, but this is more fun. I can't fit what I want to say to you onto such a small space. _

_With emails I could hit the enter space a hundred times and you could easily scroll down without serious thumb pain. Though I do imagine you'd throw something at me if I had you scroll all the way to the bottom of the page just to see I said hi. For the sake of not getting injured, I think I'll refrain from trying. _

_Instead, I shall go steal my slinky back from Nana. She still hasn't given the darned thing back._

_That thing is almost as addictive as you are._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_I found Nana reading yesterday's newspaper. She's the kind of person who'll take the time to look at each and every article, or at least the headlines. Some see this as a way to relax. People like you and I know it is boringly out of character for her to do something so calming. Normally she's holding a poker night, or making food, or doing whatever she does while we're at school. I've been spending more time at home rather than staying late to do my homework trying to see if I can catch her in the act. What act, I'm not sure. But one day there will be an act and I will catch her in it. _

_I could just ask her, but that seems way too easy. Where's the fun in that? Besides, coming home early means inviting you over to do homework. And if we happen to get sidetracked we don't have to worry about breaking any school rules. I'm pretty sure that Dalton frowns on shouting and being out of uniform. But don't they know how hard it is to grope your boyfriend while he's wearing a blazer? And those wide legged pants do not showcase your curves. Next thing you know they'll be getting rid of those ties. I can at least use that to bring you in. You should wear that Dalton issued sweater more often, seeing as how much easier it is to hold onto. Alas, it is that much more prone to wrinkles. _

_I could go on for a very long time arguing why uniforms stink, but I already know you'd rather wear designer than these blazers. So instead I will go back to my story about Nana which seems to have taken a wrong turn at some point. My deepest apologies._

_Nana was reading the personals section. I'm not sure if she was honestly looking for somebody to replace her late husband or just for a good laugh. She didn't find anything good, but that didn't stop me from Google searching to see what crazy things people have written before._

_"Three toed mango peeler searching for wicked lesbian infielder. Like screaming and marking territory with urine? Let's make banana enchiladas together in my bathtub. You bring the salsa."_

_There are so many problems with that ad that I don't even know where to start._

_I mean really, who likes banana enchiladas? _

New message from Kurt. Read.

_Dear Kurt, _

_I believe we are growing an unhealthy connection to Mr. Bear. I mean after all, he is just a teddy bear. But somewhere deep down my heart is screaming that he's more than that; he's our little love child. If we hadn't have gone to Build A Bear we would have never met the LeVeque family. _

_Karlie is looking forward to her play date with Marius on Saturday. I told her over dinner. She was a bit weary at first, but then I showed her picture on my phone and she nearly choked on her tortellini. I'd say our little Karlie has a crush. I don't see how, seeing as though he hasn't said one word to her and she only saw one picture of him. I told her what I knew about him and she actually paid attention the entire time. _

_Then again, I can see absolutely how it happened. I mean, I saw you on the stairs for a whole minute and was attracted to you. Once I heard your story I was caught, hook, line and sinker. Granted it took me a while to own to my feelings, but I'm no Karlie. That girl is blunt. If she likes Marius, he'll be the first to know. _

_I talked it over with my aunt and she is gracious for it. With all of her free time going towards the unborn baby she doesn't have the time to play with Karlie. She says it'll be good for her to hang around people her own age. It'll get her ready for kindergarten next year. _

_Karlie is flipping through a copy of Vogue you left here. It wouldn't surprise me if she tries to doll herself up for her play date. I hope she doesn't break into my mom's makeup supplies. Somehow I sense I'd be in charge of cleaning up if she did. _

_She better not test her technique on Mr. Bear._

_I better hide him somewhere safe. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Is it at all possible that you could take our love child and keep him safe at your house for a few days? Karlie got a hold of the Vogue magazines._

_Not a Pink Pearl Head,_

Backspace

_Your three toed mango peeler,_

Backspace

_Where chains will never bind you, _

_Blaine_

_(P.S. "A Little Fall of Rain" lyrics for Marius? How fitting Master Hummel.) _


	46. Chapter 46

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Remember to review.**

_Dear Blaine,_

_I'd like to curse the evil monkey that kept me up for days straight writing a ten page essay on history. But just because he lost his girlfriend and has to bury himself in grading work does not mean I don't have a boyfriend I'd like to have fun with. Yet someone took away precious time and it's Friday and I have yet to write my beau an email. Sure I've texted and called. We've gotten coffee every afternoon after practice and we've eaten lunch together. But none of those times have given me the opportunity to kiss you like I mean it. I have no idea how I lived before we were together. I mean you are so freakishly fantastic. You can see how hard it was for me not to explain my wildest fantasies through email. There are some things one cannot say out loud._

_Especially with Warblers afoot. _

_Now that my paper is completed, and handed in so that the teacher has something to occupy him on his lonely Friday night, I can finally go out with my boyfriend. Except he has to clean the house for the company coming over tomorrow and wont let me help. Because he thinks I need to rest after such an exhausting week. Which is totally sweet, considering that nobody's ever given me a break before. I'm actually so bored that I don't know what to do with myself. I should convince Finn to have a tea party with me. _

_Except Finn is over at Rachel's doing who knows what. They supposedly broke up before Christmas, but then there was that duet they did and she still clings to him. It could be one of those friends with benefits things. I don't know. New Directions always does the relationship hokey pokey with each other, so it's hard to keep track of it all. _

_I'm glad Warblers aren't New Directions, or I'd be hokey pokeying with Wes. _

_And we all know that Wes and gavel is endgame._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_Last night I had a weird dream. And since I know how much you enjoy hearing about the crazy things that go on in my head I shall share with you the latest._

_I was in an empty room with nothing but a cardboard box. My name was on the side of it, so I opened it up and read the enclosed letter. "By opening this box you have officially accepted the challenge. Win, and keep the contents of this box. Good luck." I glanced up and nearly jumped back in surprise. There in front of me was Bert from Sesame Street. _

_He too had a box in front of him and when he noticed me looking at him he quirked his unibrow, that I so badly wanted to wax, and very calmly, in his Bert-like way declared war. In an instant I was being bombarded with paperclips and bottle caps. I dodged them, bending every which way I could. Coach Sylvester would've been proud of the ways I was flipping around. You would've been too, but I figure you would've been more turned on. She would just pat me on the back and hand me back my Cheerios outfit._

_Bert was not to happy about my success. I dug around in my box to see what I could use to counterattack. Inside I found rain poncho. It was a bold yellow. I put it on, hoping there'd be some sort of magical effects. It was a dream after all. He release his flock of pigeons, calling to Bernice as he commenced the pigeon dance. The pigeons flew towards me and I pulled up my hood. I stuck my hands into my pockets, trying to cover every inch of skin I could. My fingers came upon a small bag of rice. I opened it up and threw it in Bert's direction. The pigeons flew towards him. _

_His anger rose. If he wasn't a puppet, he probably would've turned red. He commanded the pigeons to stop, and multiple droppings later, they did. _

_"Ready to give up?" I jerked my head back to let my hood fall. He took a handkerchief from his pocket. His face was wiped clean. Setting the handkerchief aside he started flinging hot oatmeal at me. I pawed through the box and found a framed and autographed magazine article about the Wizard of Oz. I flipped it around and used it as a shield against the projectile breakfast. That was one crazy puppet. _

_I did not want to give up. There was a gift card for $100 at the Lima Bean and a complete Dior outfit in that box. It kind of made me wonder why with all this fancy expensive stuff there was a cheap poncho. Unless the owner of the box knew I'd need it. _

_Bert seemed to run out of things to attack with because then Ernie appeared in his place and said I had won. Just as I was reaching for my box to collect my winnings I woke up._

_Curse weekday mornings._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_So this afternoon after I finished my homework I decided to give myself a facial. I grabbed necessary tools and headed to my bedroom for privacy. The last time I did this was when I broke up with Theo and the girls came over. That two timing jerk with his British accent and stinking ear piercing. I'm glad you've never gotten your ear pierced. I like to kiss your ear, not some metal bar in you ear. Why did you ever let me date that pig anyway? I know I was all in a tizzy after walking into the room on my friend looking at R rated pictures, and the gym class video but you were thinking straight. If only you could've gotten your act together a week sooner and saved me the trouble. _

_But we're talking about my facial, not my idiotic ex-boyfriend. I applied the avocado honey mask to fight wrinkles and blemishes. I put two cucumber slices on my eyes. Then Finn walked in to tell me he was going to Rachel's in case Dad and Carole asked. _

_"Dude, why do you have pickles on your eyes?" I let out a sigh._

_"They're cucumber's Finn. They're like little baby pickles that help reduce swelling and dark circles." _

_"You killed a baby pickle? But it was just a baby Kurt!" I lifted the cucumbers and peered up at him._

_"Well, now it'll never have to go through puberty to become a pickle. You remember puberty, right Finn? That's when you turned into a frankenteen." _

_"So he would've become Franken-pickle?" _

_Think my parents will trade you for Finn?_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I found an old Monopoly game board buried in the closet. It was the Pokémon version. Finn said he won't mind me borrowing it for tomorrow. There's six tokens, so we can each pick one. There's Pikachu, Clefairy, Charmander, Bulbasaur, Blastoise and Mewtwo. Artie explained this to me in great detail when I texted him the pictures of the tokens. He went on and on as I let my face mask harden. _

_I still have no idea what the point of the show is. All I know is that it involves throwing balls and capturing creatures. I think he called them Poké-Balls. I don't know whose balls are being poked, or anything else about said balls, but it's what he said, so I believe him. _

_Apparently these Pokémon don't die either. They can get injured and go to the Pokémon Center (that's code for hospital) to get better. I should capture one of these Pokémon and use it against Karofsky. Unless he too, like Finn and Artie, geeked out on Pokémon and knows how to defeat them. _

_I decided to research the topic further to see who I'd use against him. I came across this database of all the Pokémon and their powers. I picked Mewtwo because it's the ultimate. It'll only think of defeating it's enemy. It also looks the creepiest out of all the game pieces. It's all, "Grr, I'm Mewtwo and have no specified gender. Fear my wrath." I'd be angry too if I had no gender. The other characters have genders. Well, technically it says Pikachu is half and half, but the way I act you could probably say the same about me. Does that make me Pikachu? In that case you can be Charmander, because you're so flaming hot. _

_Oh no, I'm flirting over Pokémon, and I've never even watched the show. They're converting me!_

_Must think non-Pokémon thoughts. Okay, tacos, baby porcupines, Blaine wearing that "California Boys" shirt that hugs his torso just so. _

_Everything seems back to normal now. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I found Pokémon Monopoly in the closet, so I'll bring it over tomorrow. Can't wait to finally spend some time together. _

_Master of the pigeons,_

Backspace

_Smooth as a baby's bottom,_

Backspace

_Fully rested,_

_Kurt_

_(I feel completely unwound right now. I can't wait until Karlie undoes it all.)_


	47. Chapter 47

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Keep the reviews coming my lovelies!**

_Dear Kurt, _

_I'm sorry we couldn't make the cookies ourselves. How was I supposed to know that Karlie would go into freakout mode? I was planning on it being like one of those cliché movie scenes. Here, let me show you._

_Blaine enters the kitchen to find Kurt in an apron, ingredients strewn across the counter in front of him. He wraps his arms around his waist and sets his chin on Kurt's shoulder, looking at the recipe. _

_Kurt: Hey Pookie, pass me that pan, would you?_

_Blaine grabs it and goes to hand it over. He sneaks in a kiss before giving it up. Kurt moans as he breaks the contact and Blaine forces himself to be all sly and not dive in for seconds like he so desperately desires. _

_Blaine (licking his lips): You taste delicious. Have you been eating the batter?_

_Kurt plops the dough onto the tray and begins to hum. His hips sway in time with the music and Blaine tries not to swoon. The tray enters the oven and the timer is set. They then proceed to make out until the timer goes off. They decide to ignore the timer and the cookies burn. The cookies end up in the garbage. The boys offer a well crafted selection of cheese and crackers to their guests. _

_There are many things wrong with this. One, Kurt Hummel does not eat raw cookie dough for fear of salmonella, and is already sweet tasting. Two, plop is not a romantic word at all. Just try using it as one. He plopped a kiss on his shoulder. He plopped down next to him on the couch. He plopped his clothes on the floor and crawled into bed. And finally, do vegans eat cheese? I'm pretty sure they only eat vegan cheese. I could change it to hummus, but that stuff tastes like used cat litter._

_Not that I've tried used cat litter, but I imagine it'd be pretty rancid. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Thank you for helping Karlie with her minor meltdown this morning. I've never seen her so riled up. (Then again, she's never had a boy come over to play before.) The way she fretted over meeting someone she thought was cute made me laugh. Though had I known that I was going to meet someone cute on the stairs that day I probably would have done the same thing. Difference is, I had three choices: the blazer, the sweater, and the sweater vest. I happen to like the blazer best on me. So I consider myself lucky that I didn't show up in that sweater vest or I would have reminded you of your old glee club teacher. That would've been disturbing._

_I'm a big flirt when it comes to guys named Kurt Hummel and Karlie isn't. Maybe Marius will be the one to change her. When I woke up this morning Karlie was at the foot of my bed, hair askew. And by askew I mean in a ponytail so lopsided it made the Leaning Tower of Pisa seem straight. Her mismatched socks were twitching. _

_My aunt barged in seconds later to stop her from waking me. It's a good thing she did. My alarm clock didn't go off and you were to be over in ten minutes. _

_Hopefully that explains why Karlie screamed "He's naked!" when you came to the door. For your information I did have my pants on by then. _

_I don't know how you managed to fix her hair and socks before I came in. You had even managed to track down a bottle of Aphrodite's Pink Nightie nail polish. You convinced Karlie to sit still long enough for you to apply my mom's nail polish. _

_If we have a daughter, you're in charge of wardrobe._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_I don't know what Nana put in those vegan cookies, but rather than blame myself, I'm going to name them the cause of my latest fantasy. You were leading your token around the board and my imagination took over. It can get very over active, especially after Nana's cooking. _

_I could only wish that we had a full scale game board and got to dress up as the characters. You could be Pikachu because you're so electric. I'd yank your tail and we'd play fight until we kissed and made up._

_I haven't seen the show in years. My dad used to make me watch it instead of the PowerPuff Girls. No son of his would be caught watching a girl's show. I tried to point out to him that it involved some major butt kicking, but he didn't care. Think about it, had I watched the show, we could've been playing PowerPuff Girls Monopoly. Then in my fantasies you'd be Bubbles and I'd be yanking on your pigtails. But I didn't get to watch anything girly until he was gone. I was so excited when my stepdad let me watch the Little Mermaid for the first time. _

_I propose sometime between now and the end of October we make you a Pikachu costume. We'll go trick or treating with Karlie and collect free candy. (Most of it will go to your brother, I'm sure.) _

_What should I go as? I'm thinking Shang from Mulan, but my hair's too short. And if we're being honest by body isn't as large as his. I only want to sing "I'll Make a Man Out of You" all night. But since that dream seems dead, how about Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid?_

_I'll need a singing crab._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_How on earth did those two rascals beat us? (and no, I'm not talking about Porky and Buckwheat.) I used my foolproof winning plan. That, and my partner was so distractingly handsome. But if you think about it, one team was lesbians and the other was toddlers, so it was more of a distraction to me than anyone else. _

_Being beaten by Nana is one thing. She's had practice. Two toddlers that have played the game a total of three times is not cool. The make a good team. He makes her behave, for the most part. She used her manners for once. That's more than I've ever been able to do. You can see she's had an effect on him too, the way he loosened up and got into the game. Never had I seen anyone so competitive at a game of Monopoly before. No wonder they beat us out._

_They should have play dates more often. Then she won't try to duct tape me to the wall. She saw it on TV and said she wanted to "duck tape" me to a wall. I then had to explain to her that no, duct tape was not made of ducks. I also explained that it was not used to tape ducks or people named Blaine to the wall. _

_Now that everyone is gone Karlie is still floating around on a clouds. She's coming down, so I'd say about cloud six by now. She's nagging me about when he can come over again and if I have his phone number. _

_I can't believe I'm saying this, but nice Karlie is creeping me out. It's like she's on a high and Marius is the drug._

_My aunt better pick her up soon._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_How is Finn liking the cookies? Thank him for letting us use the Monopoly board._

_Hugs and Hash browns,_

Backspace

_I Pika-choose you,_

Backspace

_You have a monopoly on my heart, _

_Blaine_

_(P.S. If I keep eating these cookies I'll get fat. You'd still love me, right?) _


	48. Chapter 48

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Love to my reviewers!**

_Dear Blaine,_

_Today I saw a side of Karlie I've never seen before. Well, after the whole "He's naked!" thing. Which was a bit odd. I mean, who answers the door like that? I was right in front of her. She could've at least said it in a nice normal controlled tone of voice. Not one that rang through my ears until it processed that she told me you weren't wearing clothing. Then that had my ears ringing. Not that the idea of you being naked bothers me. It's the idea of me thinking of you being naked in front of a small child. Oh no! You wouldn't be naked in front of her. I'd be thinking in front of her about you being naked._

_Okay, this is getting awkward. So let's skip past the part where I shrugged my shoulders all nonchalantly and I entered your humble abode. _

_I am really glad your mother isn't one of those hip old ladies. No offense Mrs. Anderson; you know I love you. But if she was one of those moms that dress like their kids there would be problems. And I'm not saying that because her kid is a son and that would make her __androgynous. If she would've had some horrendous lime green or highlighter yellow I would have spat. (First I would have found a sink to spit in. I wouldn't want to ruin your home.)_

_She squirmed a bit at the beginning. Then I bribed her with an orange Tootsie roll. She stayed still after that. _

_Hopefully it'll be that easy when we have kids._

_Ctrl-A-Delete_

_Dear Blaine, _

_We need to go shopping to get you some new clothes. Because Pookie, I love you and all, but you are seriously lacking in the style department. That shirt you wore today was a bit tight. Normally I'm all for tight clothes, but it was like you were trying to wear a sweater you had obviously outgrown. Sleeves are meant to hit your wrists. Not your forearm. Unless it's intentionally a three quarters sleeve. Judging by the way your shirt rode up in the back when you bent over I'd say that was not the case. _

_I did enjoy seeing the lovely expanse of your back however. _

_You must take advice from Mark Twain. He may have not been the king of fashion with that mustache of his, but he did say something you should listen to. "__Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." Granted, you aren't going around naked. That's fortunate. I don't need people who aren't me gawking at you. And I already see enough girls twirling their hair at you when we go out for coffee. _

_I'm going to find you clothes that'll make you look so good, I'll want to rip them off and throw them on the ground. I'll have to make sure that they don't wrinkle. If one of those girls dares to gawk I'll mark my territory._

_Hey, it's an excuse to make out with you more often. I'd be stupid not to act on it._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I underestimated the power of two pint sized children. I should have realized that it was Karlie and she is a professional at getting what she wants. Second place. She was smart enough to know she wouldn't beat Nana. Sometimes I think that woman is magical. I'm expecting her to pull a wand out of her pocket one day and zap Karlie into a frog. _

_That'd be fun to explain to your aunt. "Um yes, your daughter was turned into a frog by forces greater than ours." Though if we came in last place in Monopoly, we wouldn't have very good powers to begin with. Clefairy has like no powers compared to the rest. We picked it because it was cute. A token with no powers will result in a bad game result. It's all coming together now._

_Nana was Mewtwo, the most powerful character of them all. Karlie and Marius were that turtle with the water jets. I think you called him Blastoise. That token looked pretty angry at the world. Since Jade and Eve were Pikachu, that must make Pikachu more powerful than Clefairy. Finn says that Pikachu is electric. So my theory is proven. The strength of the characters on the show equaled our strength._

_Finn is now looking over my shoulder. He says that there must be some Poké spirits haunting his game. _

_I have to go help him lock it in the far depths of the closet so the spirits don't escape._

_Because you know, spirits can't phase through doors or anything._

New message from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine,_

_I think Nana's cookies may be having some odd effects on my brother. He's eaten about six so far and now thinks there are evil spirits in his game. See, I was going to tell you this convoluted theory about our tokens and our winnings and needed his help explaining what the different characters did. Then he saw what I was doing, flipped out and had me hide the box with him. It is now wedged between the wall and a box of my dad's old stuff. I even put it in a garbage bag. That way if the evil spirits escape the box they'll be trapped in the bag. Finn put on a sticky note that says "Never ever open me. Ever." _

_I feel utterly ridiculous about the whole situation. But if it helps Finn sleep tonight then all the more power to him. _

_You probably should stop eating the cookies. You need some nutritious dinner so you don't get sick. Maybe a piece of fruit or something? I love you no matter what size you are. I just don't love the idea of your face cozying up to the toilet. Unlike Finn, I don't think you have a gut of steel._

_Knowing the way you are with food, one thing is for certain. You are going to have some odd dreams tonight._

_I cannot wait to hear about them._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_Finn is on his seventh cookie. I think it's safe to say he likes them._

_ Clearly dressed and influential,_

Backspace

_Haunted,_

Backspace

_Flattered by his corny boyfriend,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I'll always love you, even if you can't fit into your skinny jeans. Just don't go overboard with the cookies, m'kay?)_


	49. Chapter 49

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Leave a review!**

Nine new messages. Read.

_Dear Blaine,_

_Not cool dude. I came home from school to see Kurt crying on the couch. As his big brother, I'm responsible for beating the snot out of anyone that causes him harm. Except most of the time he tells me not to, and gives me a glare that sends chills down my spine. Not the good chills you get when you eat an ice cream sundae when it's eighty degrees outside. The kind with rainbow sprinkles and hot fudge and caramel sauce… Right, I'm supposed to be yelling at you. I think he perfects that glare in the mirror for when he gets near Karofsky or those other jerks. At first I thought it might be them, but then I saw the Lima Bean cup he had on the floor. So you had to be the last person he saw. And since you make him happy, you must have either let him stay unhappy or made him unhappy._

_I'm going to look you up in the phone book and egg your house._

_Finn_

Read.

_Dear Blaine Warbler,_

_I am highly disappointed in you. According to Finn, you have upset Kurt. He gave me no further details apart from his tears and silence, but has suspicion to believe that you are the cause of his grief. Seeing as how it is a Monday afternoon, he would have only been two places: school and the Lima Bean. These locations have one thing in common. They are both places that you frequent. Which means that he was most likely around you the greatest amount today and thus you are the prime suspect in his pain._

_I am trying to convince Finn not to egg your house. Mostly because of the chickens._

_Rachel Berry, future Broadway star_

Read

_Dear White Boy,_

_How dare you be messing with my boy Kurt? Finn sent out a mass text saying that you made him cry. He has been through enough grief in his life. I thought you were a pretty cool guy loving Kurt. You made him so happy. Who do you think you are changing that? You should know it's never good to let Mercedes get angry with you. I busted the window of a car once. I stuffed tots into a (different) car. You mess with my friends and you'll wish you hadn't. You better fix this. _

_The possibilities of what I could do to your car are endless. Watch your back._

_Mercedes_

Read

_Blaine__,_

_Sam and I were playing Call of Duty (I was whipping his butt) when Finn texted us. We had Mike see what was up. Apparently you upset Kurt. Not only that, but you indirectly interrupted our game. Remember when we wrote you that letter about hurting Kurt? Yeah, we were serious. Finn's already planning revenge. I hope you like eggs. Actually, I hope you don't like eggs, because they're going to be all over your house. Mike and Sam offered to beat you up. If my legs worked I'd so kick you where it hurt. We decided against it though. Kurt may be angry at you now, but if we physically hurt you he'll hate us more. _

_Consider yourself lucky._

_Artie, Sam and Mike_

Read

_Dude,_

_If juvie was out of the picture I would beat you into a pulp right now. No one messes with my man Kurt. I mean I used to mess with him, but he's a cool dude. I apologized for the pee balloons and dumpster dives. We're cool with each other. Sure he still thinks I can be a juvenile pig (guilty as charged) and I think he can be a bit overly feminine at times, but us guys gotta look out for one another. He saved our football team with the Single Ladies dance. Now it's my turn to save him._

_Finn plans on egging your house. I wanted to throw mousetraps, but his plan was cheaper. _

_Puck_

Read

_Hey Dalton Boy,_

_Kurt has his boxers in a twist and Frankenteen thinks that you're the cause of it. Your boyfriend was crying his eyes out. And Kurt doesn't like to cry, since it makes bags under his eyes. Last time he cried his dad was in the hospital. He's been thrown around like trash and brushes it off like it's nothing. You must have royally screwed up. _

_Now I'm not going to go and threaten to punch you into a pulp. That's the boys' job. I'm going to rip you to shreds. I am one feisty Latina, and I know how to make you feel like a worthless piece of nothing. I come from the rough side of Lima. We know how to get things done. _

_And by the way, I just got my nails done. These claws are sharp._

_Santana_

Read

_Dear Hobbit,_

_It has come to my attention that you have harmed Porcelain. You may be wondering how I got a hold of this information. Well, a student by the name of Quinn Fabray was talking on her phone during Cheerios practice and I took it from her for the remainder of the day. I'll give it back to her when I feel like it. In the meantime, I'm going through her texts. I plan on using some of them against her. _

_Now I can't get a hold of your phone and find out your secrets to crush your prep school spirit. I am however looking into a cannon to shoot the Cheerios out off for competition and would be more than happy to use you as a guinea pig. I hate guinea pigs. They're poser swine. There is no curly tail or snout. What kind of world are we living in here?_

_If you do not correct your behavior you may find yourself the next topic of Sue's Corner. Because that's how Sue sees it._

_Coach Sue Sylvester_

Read

_Dear Kurt's Dolphin,_

_Finn sent me a text saying that you made Kurt cry. I asked him what you did and he said that Kurt wouldn't tell him anything. But then how does he know that you caused it? I always thought that you made him happy. He never smiled like that when we kissed. You two are so cute together. When you marry each other I want to be the flower girl. Kurt has really good taste in clothes so I'm sure he'd pick something totally cute._

_I really hope that the guys don't do anything before they figure out if you did it or not. I'd hate for my baby to cry even more. Maybe I'll bring him a fruit basket. They always make me happy._

_Who wouldn't smile at a pineapple?_

_Brittany S. Pears_

Read

_Dear Blaine,_

_Oh my God, I am so sorry. Finn saw me crying and sent out this mass text to New Directions. He blamed you. He was stupid enough to send me the text to. You could imagine my surprise when I opened up my text messages to read:_

_'Kurt is crying over Blaine and doesn't want to talk to me. Who's in for egging his house?'_

_Never fear Pookie, I explained to Finn that you had nothing to do with my crying and another mass text went out. Hopefully your house will remain yolk free. If not, I'll make sure they clean up the mess for you._

_Really, all he had to do was leave me be. I had tripped over a pair of his shoes that were carelessly strewn in the entryway and nose dived into the ground. But apparently he didn't notice the ice pack I had been holding up to my nose. He is so clueless._

_I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. I have to go finish my homework. Love you oodles!_

_Still smelling Finn's shoes,_

Backspace

_Sore nosed,_

Backspace

_Hiding the eggs,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. It'll bruise a bit, but it's not too bad. You still have permission to kiss it better.)_


	50. Chapter 50

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Thanks reviewers for being patient with school back in session. **

_Dearest Kurticus, _

_I just logged into my email account to find a bunch of threats from New Directions and Coach Sylvester. Which reminds me, you might want to tell Quinn to put a new password on her phone. Otherwise certain coaches will go through them and read all her texts. I personally don't know what she has on there. For all I know it could be pictures from her volunteering at a homeless cat shelter or coordinating a Friday night sleepover. But if she were to have something bad on there the entire school is going to know about it by tomorrow. _

_I'm hoping that you're right about my house not getting egged. I'll have Karlie stand outside with a frying pan just in case. Then we can make some eggs. It'd be a shame to let them go to waste. Besides, her standing outside waiting means her not teasing me about you when I'm supposed to be working on my homework. You can be a very distracting subject. There are days when I have to wait until her mother picks her up before I can even look at my work again. _

_My aunt is at another doctor's appointment about the baby, so I'm stuck on Karlie duty. I've successfully tackled my math and English homework, but I started on French and Karlie started guessing what the words meant. "Dear Kurt, I stare at your butt when you leave the room since it's so mega-foxy." I explained to her that there was no such thing as "mega-foxy" in French and that I was not writing about your butt. For your information, I was writing about buying milk at the grocery store and bread at the bakery. _

_And I don't stare at your butt. _

_Well, not all the time anyway._

_I hope your nose gets better soon. I'll kiss it a thousand times if it helps. _

_Thoroughly threatened,_

Backspace

_Ready for the attack,_

Backspace

_I adore you,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Brittany wants to be our flower girl and to bring you a fruit basket. We can make at least one of those dreams come true, right?)_

_Dear Rachel and assorted New Directions members,_

_Thank you for your concerns regarding the relationship between Kurt and myself. I appreciate your commitment to our love. Let me be perfectly clear about something. I would never hurt Kurt. He is my other half, words to my song, the butter to my fly (as referred to by my cousin Karlie, despite the fact the butter is used as a lubricant and fly could by referring to my pants, thus insinuating that Kurt is the un-fastener to my pants, which I assure you, despite Puck and Santana's goading to get it on, we have not, and Karlie is too young to imply such actions.)_

_I looked back into my saved mail, where I stored your original threat letter from when Kurt and I got together. I've saved it as evidence in case any of you do anything illegal to me. _

_First off, thanks to Mercedes for deciding not to lock my in my car trunk and to just ruin the car instead. As for Santana, I see you still wanted to have me beaten up. Clawing post beating does sound painful. I'm not sure how Finn went from human punching bag to egging my house. It seems like a couple steps down. Unless he just happened to have a surplus of eggs lying around or planned on robbing a farm in his near future. _

_Will someone please make sure that Coach Sylvester understands what happened? I really don't want to be shot out of a cannon. _

_And Brit, I would be honored if you were our flower girl. Right now I'm a bit too young to even think about asking Kurt to marry me, but hopefully one day we'll be ready. Then I'll make a huge spectacle and let you all in on it. If I can hold it in that long. Knowing me, he'll wake up in our future New York apartment to find me looking at him and I'll blurt it out. Or he'll ask me while I'm too busy fumbling around with the box in my pocket. _

_Rest assured that our relationship is safe as detailed in Finn's text message. By the way, leave your shoes where my boyfriend wont trip over them. His face is way to precious to be smashed into the ground. _

_Sincerely,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Nana made Finn more cookies when she heard how he inhaled them. You are all welcome to come get some if you keep your eggs away from my house.)_

_Dear Brittany,_

_A little birdie (and I don't mean Pavarotti) told me you want to be the flower girl at my future wedding. If Blaine and I get married you can be flower girl. It's either you or his cousin Karlie, and I'd much rather it be you. Knowing her she wont give it up without a fight. So you better be ready to defend your position as flower girl. I'll even make you a lavender halter dress. I'm planning for a late spring, early summer wedding. Everything will be purple, like royalty. Maybe the Glee club could dance down the aisles like they did for dad and Carole's marriage. If they do I promise you'll be featured. _

_Thanks for bringing over the homemade fruit basket. I don't know what I'll do with all that fruit. Maybe I can take it to Warbler practice and share it. The council will probably think it was tampered with so we'd get sick. They get crazy like that. But I know you'd never intentionally harm me or Blaine. You're awesome. _

_Kisses,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. Carrots are not a fruit sweetie. But I appreciate the thought.)_

_Dear Wes,_

_After a series of unfortunate events this after I came into possession of a fruit and carrot basket. Considering that I can't eat all of this food by myself before it rots, would the Warblers care to assist me? I'll bring it to practice tomorrow. Could you have someone bring napkins? Finn used all of ours up trying to make snow. I pointed it out to him that there was plenty of snow outside, but he wanted "warm" snow. Anyway, now all we have are leftover napkins from Thanksgiving and eating off of turkeys in the middle of January seems a bit odd. _

_I guarantee that these fruit have in no way, shape or form been altered to harm us. A friend of mine gave them to me during a non-grieving moment as means of making me feel better. Because apparently pineapples make everyone smile. Except all she had was canned pineapple, so I'm going to need to add forks and plates to that list. To recap, bring napkins, forks and plates to school tomorrow. I'll find a place to keep the fruit secure until practice. _

_If for some reason my nose seems a bit bruised, know that it is only from me fumbling over my own two feet. No need to yell at Blaine, who has received enough blame for something he didn't do._

_See you at practice!_

_Kurt _


	51. Chapter 51

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee or Egreetings. Please review!**

_Dear Blaine,_

_Oh my goodness has it been forever since I've written you an email. Already it's February. We've past so many holidays together this month. The Day the Music Died, Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk and White T-shirt Day (Conveniently both celebrated on the 11__th__ when Finn spilled chocolate milk across the counter and it got on your white shirt that clung to your chest. "Finn, don't cry, it's just spilled milk." "But it was chocolate!" Fun times.) And now we celebrate Singles Awareness Day. Except this year it's Valentine's Day because Cupid has shot me in the butt. Hard. _

_What better way to spend a Monday than showering your boyfriend with buckets of affection. I think Wes and David were getting annoyed with us during practice. It's not our fault we're so cute together. Okay, maybe it's partially our fault, but they should be used to it by now. They can't expect us to be singing romantic music and not be making love with our eyes. _

_I mean, it's not like we were making love with other parts of our body. _

_And in case Karlie is reading this, I mean our elbows. Or any other body part not below the belt._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I finished all of my homework and got dressed (three times) for our date tonight. Here I sit, incredibly bored and anxious, so rather than helping Finn get ready for his date with Rachel I decided to write you an email. I haven't done it in forever, so forgive me if I sound a bit rusty. I'll try not to use any LOLs or OMGs. I know how you hate those terms so. _

_What a whirlwind of a month it has been. Between midterms and Eve's coma and going on actual dates with my ever so lovely boyfriend I haven't had the time to write any nonsense emails. I haven't even had time to read much of my email. You know what it's like to open your inbox to half a dozen advertisements for Viagra? As you and I are both well aware, I do not need that. _

_I was going through a website full of e-cards. I was going to send you one, but the comment box was too tiny to write out my greatest passions and desires in. I'll probably end up writing three or four drafts of letters I'll never send to condense it down to a whole two lines that could fit in that comment box, but who needs a flash animated heart to know that they are loved?_

_I did send a faux e-card to Finn. It's from his secret admirer. I just enjoy the fact that it'll cause him to lose his mind for at least a couple of hours. Especially when it starts out "To my wife." It's a bit perverted with the whole thing about putting their puzzle pieces together so he's bound to get a bit disturbed. _

_I attached a message to it. "Finn, I love watching you while you sleep. Love your secret admirer." _

_Oh yeah, he is definitely going to bug out. I am such a horrible brother._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I can only imagine the joy Jade must have felt yesterday morning when Eve woke up. She was in that coma for a week. I wasn't sure she'd come out of it. I know what it's like to stay by a hospital bed asking all the powers in the universe to keep the person alive. That one day when you had to babysit Karlie and I came up by myself I found Jade on her knees. On the hospital floor, her eyes closed and hands folded. Her lips were moving but no words were coming out. I didn't want to disturb her. My friends had prayed for me, despite my beliefs and it worked. If it made her feel better by praying to some god, whether it be Jesus or Buddha or Zeus, then I was going to let her do it._

_She shouldn't have had to suffer like that. She made a personal choice to start a family with another woman. That doesn't mean it's someone else's business to beat her so senseless that she can't wake up. If she wanted to go to the store to buy some food for her son's lunch and held hands with her partner in the aisle while deciding which apples to get, Melrose or Fuji, nobody should be stopping her. Instead some random stranger snaps at the fact that she's gay and punches her head into a brick wall when she goes outside to drive the car up to the door. She was alone for five minutes and got hurt. _

_This is a messed up world we live in. One where only tears and pleas to whatever deity you please can bring love to you in time for the most commercially romantic day of the year. I watched as Jade's pink hair slowly faded into a dull rose color. She told me she's not going to dye it again. Why waste the time when she could be spending it with her family?_

_Why is it that near death experiences seem to be the only way we humans learn anything anymore?_

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Sir Dapper,_

_It's weird. I never sent you an email earlier like I was going to, and now that I'm back from our date I have the strange urge to write one anyway. The whole point of it was to pass the time, but now I remember how addicted I am to telling you things you'll never hear. _

_Well, technically unless you read these things out loud, which I highly advise against, you'll never hear even what I do tell you. _

_You really outdid yourself tonight. Sure we went to Breadstix, which you know I love so much, but the small little touches meant so much. The table in the back with a single rose in a vase. The incredibly sappy music we blasted on the way over. The call from your eight month pregnant aunt that interrupted a wicked lip lock in the backseat of your car. I don't think she knew she was on speakerphone, but when she wailed about how she couldn't stop peeing and all she wanted was mini donuts and was that too much to ask, I tried so hard not to laugh. I had a lot of fun on our date. _

_It looks like we only have one more month left with Mr. Bear. A part of me doesn't want to give him up, having grown quite the attachment to him. We're going to have to have visitation rights when we pass him along to the future baby. He/she better share. _

_I can only imagine the heartbreak if he/she does not, or causes physical harm to him. Then we'll have to play doctor._

_At least we already know you're good at that game. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

New message from Egreetings. Read.

_Kurt Hummel has sent you an ecard. _

_To view your ecard, choose from the options below. _

Click.

_Many Ways I Love You._

_Dear Blaine, _

_In case this e-card didn't make it crystal clear for you, I love you. But you already knew that._

_As long as you love me,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I totally ripped that line off of some 90s boy band. That does not give you permission to belt out Backstreet Boys during rehearsal tomorrow.)_


	52. Chapter 52

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own the fabulous sensation known as Glee. Please leave reviews.**

_Dear Kurt,_

_It is currently three in the morning, eastern standard time. Here I am eating a PB&J sandwich when I could be enjoying the fact that it is President's Day, and I don't have to go to school. Except instead of being peanut butter and jelly, it's peanut butter and jam because Karlie ate the rest of the grape jelly. Which reminded me of this dirty joke Nick told me from How I Met Your Mother. _

"_What is the difference between peanut butter and jam?"_

_For the sake of my sanity, not that I have much left at this moment, I will refrain from telling the punch line. Otherwise I will choke from the thought of us in certain situations. _

_It's not even the good kind of jam. It's pineapple. Pineapples do not go with peanut butter. Is it so much to ask for a peanut butter sandwich at three in the morning? _

_I had this nightmare that I was being chased by a giant pair of lips like the ones from Rocky Horror. They kept calling after me "You're so cute I could eat you up!" _

_Then I'd scream. Blaine Anderson is not edible. And if I was, I can assure you that I'd only entrust my body to you. You can eat me up all you want._

_Crap, I just choked on my PB&J. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Now that I have washed my sandwich down with some water, seeing as Karlie took the last of the milk too, my airways are free again. I'm surprised nobody woke up at the noise I was making. Then again, my parents sleep like logs. _

_I love you dearly, but I think it was a bad idea to have a musical movie marathon with you. It gave me nightmares. About now you're probably imagining yourself in the Cell Block Tango, having the time of your life. I on the other hand, have been woken from a nightmare. _

_When I was younger I'd wake Nana and she'd stay up with me until she could coax me back under the covers. Only problem is now she isn't here._

_I can't believe it's been four days since she moved to Primrose. She always told me she wasn't going to live in a retirement home. I guess Neville convinced her otherwise. He was all alone and depressed since his wife died and she wanted to help him out. I just wish she could've helped him out some other way, like bringing him a dish of her macaroni casserole. Everyone likes cheese. Unless they're lactose intolerant. _

_Then cheese isn't very friendly._

_With Nana gone, there's no food in the fridge, nobody to poke fun at me or keep Karlie straight. Her room is so empty. I don't know what we're going to do with it. For all I know my aunt is going to move in and Karlie will share a room with me. Then the new baby will come and we'll be a crowded family like the Brady Bunch. _

_I'll need to buy myself some bellbottom pants. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_I feel as though I am babbling. At this point I'm half asleep and will most likely fall asleep in front of my computer. I'm finding the bed is getting more comfortable as I type, but the soft sound of my fingers across the keypad is enough to keep me awake. _

_That, and the phone rang. It was loud, piercing through my ears as I had almost fallen asleep. I should let the machine get it. But I'm already up, so I might as well answer it._

_Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh my freaking dear._

_My aunt's water broke. She had three more weeks to go, and her water broke. _

_With her husband visiting his mother in Florida. With nobody to drive her to the hospital. With Karlie up and wondering what the commotion is about. How do you explain childbirth to a child? _

"_Yes, mommy's water broke, and she's having contractions. Please call your aunt"_

_I promised Karlie that we'll find someone as soon as possible. My parents woke after many violent pokes to the side. Right now they're scrambling around to pull on pants and get to the car. I'm still in my pajamas and they're shoving me towards the car with my laptop and a coat shoved in my direction._

_Yay, now I get to play babysitter. What a perfect way to spend my Monday off school. It's not like I wanted to go have fun with my boyfriend or anything. _

_See, this is exactly why Nana should still be home. Then she could watch over Karlie instead of me. _

_We should kidnap her._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_I am attempting to type from the back of a speeding car. By now it is four in the morning and there is not a chance at me getting back to sleep. We're almost at my aunt's house (I can see her yellow submarine mailbox from here) and I know that Karlie won't be asleep when I get there. Which means an early morning of whatever we can find on TV, most likely infomercials, and toaster waffles for her._

_My aunt is still in her nightgown when we Karlie lets us in the house. My parents are in and out in a matter of minutes. Now it's me, my cousin and the laptop. Now she is reading over my shoulder. She asked to say something to you, so here she is:_

_Hi Kurt! My mommy's water broke. I asked her if she wanted a mop to clean it up. Instead she had me call Blaine and now he's playing babysitter while she goes to the hospital. I hope he doesn't just sit here and write you horny emails while I eat toaster waffles. Wanna come over and play with us? I know where she keeps all of the grown up toys. Why is Blaine blushing? He wants his computer back now._

_Kurt, I assure you it's not what you think. My uncle has a kalaleng in their closet from the Philippines. They're afraid that Karlie will break it, so they stash it on the top shelf of the closet with all of the other non-replaceable things in the house. _

_Karlie wants to say something else: I know where mommy's other toys are too. They're in a box locked under her bed. _

_I really should stop giving her permission to type._

Send.

_Dear Kurt,_

_I don't know if it's the peanut butter making me lethargic or if she's just that sneaky, but Karlie sent the email before I could type anymore. To be honest, I was probably going to delete that and just send you a quick message saying that my aunt's water broke, but as you can see, that did not happen. And I know that calling you will wake you from your beauty sleep, so I'll just pretend that last message didn't send and go about my business. _

_If you want you can come over to the house. If you don't remember the address I can text it to you. There's not much to do but sit and wait for news about the pregnancy, but I make for some good company. Right, I meant we. Bring Mr. Bear with you. In case she does have the kid and we end up going to the hospital we'll need to have him with us. _

_Yes, the moment has come for us to give up our child. Karlie thinks I'm ridiculous for being so attached to a stuffed toy. She doesn't understand. _

_If I weren't in my pajamas right now I'd go to the store to pick up milk and jelly. That way I wouldn't run into that creepy girl that works there. Nobody should be awake this early, so I suppose I could go in my pajamas, but I have no way of getting there and I am not borrowing my aunt's car. Even if Karlie is dangling the keys in front of my face._

_Mom called from the hospital. She's being taken care of right now. Soon Karlie will have a little sibling to watch over. _

_I was just made aware we're going to color pictures to decorate the house to welcome her back home. So if you'll excuse me I'm going to trade this laptop for a purple crayon before I drain my battery._

_This would be the end now,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. Can you bring me a change of clothes? Or better yet, come in your pajamas and we'll make it a statement.) _


	53. Chapter 53

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Reviews are always welcome!**

_Dear Blaine,_

_Never have I seen anyone so excited by jelly. I mean, it was the squeezable kind and all, but it tastes just like the stuff in a jar. I went to that twenty four hour store we went to before. That creepy girl was there. I thought she worked afternoons, but apparently somebody had called in sick. There I was at seven in the morning, in my pajamas as you had requested, buying jelly and a carton of milk. Luckily I had thought far enough in advance to change into a pair of sneakers rather than my slippers. The snow would have soaked right through them. It had been snowing all morning. It's actually what woke me up, when a giant heap of snow fell off the branch of a tree. You're lucky Mother Nature is on your side. _

_She recognized me. I was the only person in the store besides her. So she came out from behind the counter and followed me._

_CG: Where's your boyfriend? Did he realize he's deeply in love with me and dump you?_

_Me: He's babysitting. I'm going to see him as soon as I buy some jelly and milk for lunch._

_ CG: So he's a peanut butter and jelly guy? Classic. I like it._

_Me: I could tell you he wanted powdered donuts and mustard for lunch and you'd like him. You just think he's hot._

_CG: Don't you? Every time I see him it's so ungh. _

_I think that's how you spell what she said. I think, if I'm not mistaken she was trying to make a sound of passion, but it sounded like the kind of discomfort you'd have trying to push an elephant from one side of the zoo to the other. Not very attractive. Even if I were straight._

_I told her that yes, while you are unmistakably gorgeous to me, there are other reasons that I love you. In fact, I explained for so long in front of the milk display that I started to feel the chill of the refrigeration unit. _

_She studied me as she checked out my items. It was as if she was doing some sort of assessment, like what does he have that I don't. I could've been polite and explained that for one, I had more y chromosome than her. For another I had you. But I think she was more interested in taking in my appearance. The blue silken pajamas, the askew hair I had forgotten to brush. It was quite unnerving until I remember exactly who was studying me. _

_I dug into my coat pocket, handed over the money and told her to have a nice day. If she already hates me for dating you I'm not going to provoke her further. _

_To think, when you asked if I had much trouble getting the jelly and milk I told you it was nothing._

_Nothing you'd need to worry about anyway._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I feel empty without Mr. Bear sitting with me. I had gotten used to him being around. I had even gotten used to covering his little black eyes while I got dressed. And now he's on his way to the hospital with you. I bet you buckled him into the seat beside you, on top of a phone book as a booster seat. And then still, he probably couldn't see out the window, so you had to explain everything happening outside the window. Karlie would have called shotgun next to your dad and would think that you were talking to her. She wouldn't see your gaze directed at the little bear sitting next to you. You'd play along, too tired from all that we did today to argue. Your dad would be happy that the two of you were getting along. _

_You better let me know the minute she comes home so I can see her baby. If he looks anything like his family he'll be a handsome guy. He'll have a face that breaks hearts. Which is somehow a compliment. Mothers always tell other mothers their kid has a face that's going to break hearts and then thank each other. You'd think that breaking someone's heart would be a horrible thing. Been there, done that. Though I'm sure with people that have less attractive faces can break hearts too. Perhaps attractive people just break more hearts._

_We should make a new love child and keep him this time. Wait, we should make it a her and then she could be Mr. Bear's girlfriend. They could go on play dates and we'd have to supervise, which would ultimately lead us to see Mr. Bear again. And then they could get married. Unless because we made Mr. Bear that makes him her brother, despite him being adopted by your cousin. Then it'd be brother and sister dating and I'm pretty sure that's not normal. _

_Somehow this email turned into a conversation about bear incest. _

_I really should stop typing now._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine,_

_I took the picture I colored at your house, the unicorn and elf that you said reminded you of me (the elf, not the unicorn. Or at least I hope it was the elf that reminded you of me) and stuck it on the fridge. When you enter the kitchen the first thing you see is the purple unicorn. That, and Karlie's scrawl that labeled the unicorn Blaine. Ultimately that means Kurt the elf is riding Blaine the unicorn. Kurt riding Blaine. Because there's no sexual undertones in that at all._

_There are days that I really wonder why she knows so much. _

_Carole said that I did a great job coloring inside the lines. Part of me thinks that the lines were the last thing on her mind. She was more concerned about how Karlie labeled it. She had turned back when she was leaving my room and asked about it. I tried to explain how your cousin isn't the average little girl and likes to drive you up the wall. She said that maybe next time she doesn't have to work she'll babysit and we can go do something. I'm not hoping for a miracle, but maybe she can instill some child wonder back into Karlie. Her play dates with Marius have been wearing her down a bit. If we're lucky we can make it happen by the end of the year. It is only February after all._

_Finn just came in. He had the picture from the fridge. _

_Finn: You have a unicorn named Blaine?_

_Me: Yes Finn. And we go into the Enchanted Forest of Laffy Taffy after you've fallen asleep._

_Finn: There's an Enchanted Forest of Laffy Taffy?_

_Me: If I say yes will you go away?_

_Finn: If you give me a map to it. _

_I need to figure out how far that store is from here. Then I'll lead him into the candy aisle and he can deal with creepy girl. I know she likes you and your shortness. He is pretty tall. _

_Who knows, maybe she likes guys with unaverage heights._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Blaine, _

_He's so cute! Granted the picture isn't the best of qualities, being a cell phone picture, but wow. He has a lot of hair. I hope when it grows more it'll be curly like Karlie's. Not that I'd run my hands through it like your's (I have a fascination with getting my hands lost in curls) but he'd be so adorable. And those eyes are so green. _

_Was everyone in your family such a cute baby? I think it's time we pull out the photo albums._

_I probably should be going to sleep now, seeing as tomorrow we do have school. Instead, I'm sitting here in the same pajamas I wore all day, staring at a picture of a baby that doesn't belong to me. You're going to be tired a Warblers practice tomorrow. We don't need two of us half asleep. Wes will hit us over the head with the gavel. I can either go to bed now and be wide awake for practice or stare some more. We can skip practice to go visit your aunt. Of course then Wes really will hit us over the head with the gavel and assume that we were just making out in the janitor's closet. I assure you, I do not want to make out with you when you smell like dirty mop bucket. _

_Or Pine-Sol. I'm not really sure what a janitor's closet smells like._

_Okay, I'm going to try and wrap this email up. I fell asleep for a few minutes and need to give into my urges while screaming your name in the privacy of the bathroom. Hopefully Finn won't hear me, like how he hears every time we make out or act all coupley._

_Kurt_

Send.

_Dear Blaine,_

_I woke up after a nice little nap to find my laptop still open. I was writing you an email and I dozed off. Apparently Finn decided to finish my email for me. Please ignore everything after "I fell asleep for a few minutes." _

_Trying not to yawn,_

Backspace

_Hope my dreams are sweet as you,_

Backspace

_Deepest apologies,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. I don't really have anything more to say, but I always post script you. So I guess I'll just say I love you.)_


	54. Chapter 54

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Merry Christmas to all my lovely reviewers!**

_Dear Kurt, _

_I'm warning you now. I have a sore throat and can't talk. So before you go and start thinking that I'm giving you the silent treatment, rest assured that I am just unable to talk. I don't have a reason to not talk to you. Not one that I can think of anyway. Unless I get hungry later and get angry because you ate the last of the soup. Which is a pretty pathetic thing to get angry over, seeing as all I'd have to do is open a new can of soup. Except my aunt's can opener is broken, and I am again spending the day babysitting. Yes, it is Saturday morning and I have been awake since six taking care of Karlie. Unlike most small children she likes getting up early on the weekends. She says she does it to watch cartoons. I tried to sit down with her and watch them. She made me watch Fanboy and Chum Chum. They are kids with their underwear on the outside. That's all I could focus on the first ten minutes. And when I finally did start paying attention I realized that cartoons have changed a lot. Whatever happened to the Magic School Bus? I learned a lot from that show. _

_And nobody was ever in their underwear._

_Great, now that theme song is going through my head._

_So, where was I? Ah yes, can of soup. _

_The can opener is broken so I'd have to use the hand can opener. Which takes effort. And all I'm going to want is a bowl of soup to sooth my throat. Maybe I should give you the silent treatment._

_I don't think I have the ability to not talk to you. I love you too much to ignore you._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_For some odd reason, Karlie has decided to detail to me her perfect fantasy of a future. I'm thinking this is partially because I refused to watch any more cartoons and she just loves to torture me. It may also have to do with the fact that I got a text from Jade about how Eve is perfectly again and did we want to go out for coffee to celebrate. I told her that I was sick and babysitting and that you were home bonding with Finn. She asked me why I was babysitting if I was sick. I myself am wondering the same thing. But my mom says I don't have strep since I don't have a fever. So I shouldn't be able to pass anything onto Karlie. My nose is running too, so she thinks I have post nasal drip, the horribly non-contagious illness that makes me want to curl up with a warm bowl of soup._

_Except you ate the rest of the soup and I got stuck eating pudding cups (there seems to be a surplus of chocolate pudding around here, so I think there must have been a pregnancy craving involved) which aren't nearly as loud as slurping soup. _

_According to Karlie, this is what is going to happen: She and Marius are going to have a two story house with a blue picket fence. I scribbled down a note asking her why it wouldn't be a white picket fence and she said that they were different and original. I told her if she was so original she wouldn't have a picket fence at all. She grabbed my pencil from me and broke it in two. Then she continued her story._

_The house is going to be blue, to match the fence and is going to have three bathrooms, all with showers so nobody has to wait to use it. She explained that the third would be for their future child, which they would name Guess, so every time somebody would say "what's your name?" the kid would say Guess and drive the asker crazy. I feel terribly sorry for their future child._

_She's going to be president of a "super huge" company and Marius is going to be a secret agent that tells her he works at Walmart handing out those smiley face stickers to small children. In their bedroom there will be a large bookshelf and when you pull out one of the books it opens up a secret room. She'll find the room and then-_

_Just as it was getting sort of interesting, he mother came down from upstairs. She had been sleeping, trying to catch up on what she has lost since the baby was born, and woke up hungry. She asked if we were hungry too, and Karlie bounced off to the kitchen. I'll never know what happens next._

_Does he leave her because nobody can know he's a spy? Does she push every last button out of curiosity until something self destructs?_

_I'm thinking the sugar in this pudding is starting to get to me._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Klement is a screamer. And when I say screamer, I mean that baby has lungs on it that don't seem to run out of air. It's impressive and irritating at the same time. Turned out he was hungry too, and my aunt had me finish making Karlie lunch. She ate her bologna sandwich and I found myself another pudding cup. We turned on the radio. It was left on some oldies station and they were playing the Pina Colada song. They were talking about escaping, and I pictured the two of us escaping to somewhere. Maybe we'd be stranded on a desert island after a cruise ship crashed. I say cruise ship because then we'd have food to eat and wouldn't have to worry about fighting a monkey for a banana. There'd be shrimp and fruit and shuffleboard. Not that shuffleboard would do us any good whatsoever, but hey, this is my mental vision. _

_You'd need an ample supply of sunscreen. Because I know how you feel about getting stuck in the sun and ruining your complexion. So we'll need a vanity mirror to line your skin care goods up at. And we're going to need a solar powered radio to listen to. And solar powered cell phones so if we get bored of the island, or each other though I doubt that could happen, we could return home to the serenity of indoor plumbing. There are three things I can't live without. Flushable bathrooms with toilet paper, food and water, and you. Technically that is five things, but I am lumping them all together. _

_Yes, I am aware that doesn't make me sound any less needy. But I appreciate what, and who, I have in my life._

_Even if they scream so loud I cringe._

_I meant the baby, not you. _

_You can scream all you want. As long as it's my name you are screaming._

_Oh God, now I'm picturing Klement screaming my name._

_He's not even a month old, and I am picturing this._

_There is something deeply wrong with this._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_I think the universe is against me. I was driving home from my aunt's house with a tall mug of hot tea she had given me. It was soothing my sore throat, so I was chugging it. By the time I got home it was gone and I had to go to the bathroom._

_Today my dad thought he should clean the toilets. So when I got home all the toilets were filled with cleaner. And I am not the type of guy to go in the trees, especially in the middle of February. We have this raccoon that lives in our backyard and I'd hate for him to eat my yellow snow. I've grown quite fond of the fellow, even though my dad wants to shoot him. I named him Corbeau. I thought the name sounded pretty awesome until I found out it meant raven. But I didn't change it. I mean, how would you feel if someone all of a sudden said you weren't a Kurt and called you Bob? Or they changed my name to Otis._

_You could be dating an Otis my dear Bob._

_So to not disturb my raccoon friend I had to hold it in for ten minutes while it sat there. It felt like ages. I hate sitting around on a full bladder._

_Standing around with one isn't any better. I crossed my legs and started dancing around like a toddler. A very tall toddler. _

_When I finally heard the toilet flush I think I cried out in joy. It made him jump back a couple of steps. _

_And now that I have gone to the bathroom and eaten I am satisfied. Now I can spend the rest of my weekend sending nonsensical emails to my wonderful boyfriend. That and finish reading my history homework, but I figure I can read it intermittently. Read a page, write an email to you. Read another page, have some soup. Now that I am home, with a working can opener I can have some soup. In fact, I'm going to check right now to see what kind of soup I have to choose from. I shall be back. (Even though since you are reading this after the fact, so it'll be like I was never gone. Humor me, would you?)_

_There is no soup in the house. You have got to be kidding me._

_Mom says she donated all the soup to a drive last Thanksgiving. Does nobody buy soup to eat anymore? Do we only buy soup to donate to poor people? Do poor people not want other foods, like Twinkies or Thin Mint cookies? _

_I guess I'm going to have to the store and get my own soup._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_Please bring me some soup. Chicken noodle if they have it._

_Sore throats and smiles,_

Backspace

_Dreaming of blue picket fences,_

Backspace

_Clever play on words goes here,_

_Blaine_

_(P.S. I don't care if you have to get the one shaped like princesses or Dora the Explorer. All I know is my throat is so sore I couldn't even think of a good valediction.)_


	55. Chapter 55

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**I do not own Glee. Thanks to my reviewers, for being patient and reviewing for the past year!**

_Dear Kurt,_

_Today I am going to accomplish the impossible. I am going to write you an email, without deleting it and starting all over again. And there will be no backspacing unless I misspell something. If you have the ability to write me non-embarrassing emails in a single try, then I can do the same for you._

_Let me apologize now for the craziness that is bound to ensue. _

_First off, I am so sorry for not emailing you sooner, but the past two weeks have involved a lot of crying. On the baby's part, not mine. Klement has some real lungs on him. Like you could throw him into a pool and he would be fine, still breathing and such._

_Okay, this would be one of those moments I would definitely backspace. I would never throw a child into a pool. They could drown and die. I could go to jail. But I made a promise. So just ignore that statement please._

_Besides, it's not like I haven't seen you. We go to the same school. I can hold your hand down the hallway and kiss you and everything else that I can't do in an email. Except I can't backspace or take things back. Which I can't do now anyway, so there really is no reason that I shouldn't be holding your hand and kissing you right now. Well other than the reason that you are having girl time with Rachel and Mercedes while I babysit this lovely bundle of joy. _

_Kurt, when we have kids, can we skip the whole diapers and crying age? We can adopt a toddler maybe. Because I had to change his diaper this morning and it was not fun. Especially since I hadn't had breakfast yet, so even after washing my hands three times I could still smell it. I am not cut out for fatherhood. At least until I get more practice. _

_Seeing as how they're always at work, or doing grocery shopping, I assume I will get much practice in. Klement and I are spending a lot of quality time together. By quality time I mean me singing to him as he grips Mr. Bear until he falls asleep. Poor Mr. Bear, with his clothes all wrinkled. And his bow tie is crooked. _

_Someone is pulling into the driveway. I better go get the door before they ring the bell and wake Klement. _

_How could I have forgotten that Karlie and Marius have a play date today? I scheduled it last week when we met Jade and Eve at the Lima Bean. Remember, you were in you were wearing that charcoal scarf? The one that hid all evidence of what had happened the night before, and was really distracting me? I blame your scarf for my forgetfulness. (Clearly my lack of self control around you has nothing to do with it.)_

_I had to pull Karlie aside to tell her not to make too much noise. At which point she retorted "Screw you like a bottle of Mountain Dew," before running back out of the kitchen to grab Marius. She thinks she's so clever, calling me a bottle cap like that. Anybody can rhyme. _

_Screw her ike..._

_Okay, so it's harder than it seems. But she had time to come up with hers. I'm being put under pressure here. Well, I could sit and think for hours without you knowing, but who knows how long until he wakes again. Despite her rather rude remark, Karlie and Marius are keeping quiet. They're in the other room playing with a set of dominoes we found. I doubt it'll entertain them until Jade and Eve come to pick him up, but it's a start._

_Oh no. That song that Jeff and Nick were singing during practice yesterday just popped into my head. You remember, the one that Wes yelled at them for singing since Regionals are next week? _

_Well he can stare into the eye of the oatmeal guy. Chuckie doesn't lose his head!_

_Here I am, trying not to belt out into Chuckie Chan, partially because I can't remember all the words, when I am supposed to be finding the perfect duet for us to sing at Regionals. It was your job to convince council to let us do a duet, which you did. And now I'm not doing my job as your boyfriend to find the perfect song to sing without the judges criticizing us for being openly gay. _

_Do you think they'd like us doing a song from Rugrats? Because that is the only song in my head right now. _

_Yes, I know the answer to that question is no. And yes, I will have an idea by Monday._

_Perhaps now would make for a good time to end the email. Not just because it is 12:30 and I am hungry. But I really should get on finding us a song. Which I cannot do on an empty stomach._

_You may now proceed to applaud in a loud and obnoxious manner, for I, Blaine Anderson, have managed to complete an email to you, Kurt Hummel, without hesitation._

_Okay, I may have hesitated, but I did not backspace, except for once when I accidentally typed Chuckie Chang instead of Chuckie Chan and all I could think of was Mike and Tina having a little Rugrat child. Other than that, this email contains every word I have typed without deleting. And I managed not to completely embarrass myself. _

_If I have though, could you please not mention how I have done so, and allow me to bask in the idea of having completed this lengthy email? _

_Feeling accomplished,_

_Blaine_

New Message from Blaine. Read.

_Dear Blaine,_

_Girl time was absolutely marvelous. We went to a spa, and got massages. The half hour Swedish massage was so worth the money. Only one of us could go in at a time, so I got to talk to Rachel and Mercedes separately. _

_Mercedes went first. Rachel of course wanted to talk about Finn. Because apparently I haven't heard enough of them from him. Actually, unlike her, he doesn't tell me every last detail. Trust me. I do not need to know about the marvelous things my brother can do. Though there is one thing she mentioned that I think we should try. I'll tell you about it later. (In private, so I don't embarrass you like last time, which I still deeply apologize for.)_

_She got to go next. Have to save the best for last you know. Did you know that Mercedes might have a crush on Sam? I did not see that coming at all. The things I miss from being at Dalton. But now that I think about it, wouldn't they make a cute couple? We should play matchmaker. _

_If you even bring up what happened when we tried to play matchmaker for Nick and Jeff, I will slap you. _

_Now, since you wrote a very long and thought out email to me, I feel obligated to write an equally amazing note in return. _

_I am well aware that you would not throw a kid in the pool. And if for some bizarre reason you did, I would throw you in after them to rescue them. There is no way I'd let you wear an orange jumpsuit. _

_I forgot to tell you yesterday. I got a text from Trent during French. He said that he was sorry for walking in on us kissing in the hallway. I told him that it was okay, because I hadn't been keeping track of time and he kept me from missing class. But maybe we should move to a less dangerous spot next time, okay? _

_It's a little too early to be throwing in the towel, isn't it? Maybe you'll warm up to the idea of a baby. I don't care, as long as we have someone. That way I can have one person for each arm. You'd be the other person, in case you were questioning that. _

_For the love of all things fashion, steal the bear and straighten the bow tie. I'm not sure about ironing his clothes. Mr. Bear may not be ours anymore, but he still deserves to look good. _

_You could say "Screw you like..."_

_Oh, this is hard. Words that rhyme with screw: fondue, cashew, shampoo, view._

_Well, I suppose you could say "Screw you and your point of view," but it isn't nearly as snappy. That, and you'd look rude in front of Marius. Tell him I said hi, would you? _

_Why did you have to remind me? Now that song is stuck in my head. And now I'm looking it up on Youtube. My volume was still turned up, so it came blasting out of my computer. Finn's appeared at my door, and now he's singing along. I'm curious as to why he knows the words. It's better not to ask. _

_I must now put Lady Gaga on repeat to get this out of my head. _

_I am clapping for you. Not Finn, who has taken a bow, thinking it was for him. I'm feeling too generous to break the news to him. _

_You better find a good song for us. Because this will not be it._

_Oh wait, he's back. And he's holding up the video tape. I don't know where he even found it. (I'm guessing it was in the box of videos stashed in the closet, but it's never safe to assume these things.) I am really regretting convincing dad to buy that joint DVD/VHS player. _

_I'm going to go spend quality time with Finn now so I can't be here to distract you from finding a song. Good luck,_

_Kurt_

_(P.S. By good luck, I was referring to the song and with Klement. That baby has quite the impressive range, that will probably earn him lead in his school glee club, because as his cousin and cousin's boyfriend, it is our responsibility to make sure he becomes a star.)_


	56. Chapter 56 END

**Ctrl-A-Delete, a Glee fiction**

**To my dear readers, **

**I am sad to say that this will be the final chapter. It has been an amazing time with all the dedicated reviewers and followers, but like all good things, it must come to an end. I'm still open to prompts as always, so don't hesitate to ask. Now without further ado, chapter 56.**

**I do not own Glee. I do however own Karlie's song, which can be found on Youtube: (Vegetables) a Maroon 5 Misery Parody.**

_Dear Kurt, _

_Today I bring you another story from the adventures of babysitting. I seem to be doing it a lot more often since Klement was born. I'm terribly sorry that a lot of our dates have been crashed by two small children. You know how many times I've wanted to push you into a janitor's closet at school just to have my way with you? Okay, truth be told, it's not that many because the Warblers don't mind when we act all coupley around each other. (Even if they do rib on us.)_

_It was lunch time and Karlie's mom had prepared a menu of what she wants her to eat. Apparently she visited the doctor for a check up and he said she could stand to lose a few pounds. I think she put on the weight when Nana stopped cooking. She's been living on a diet of microwave pizza rolls ever since._

_Then she started to sing. To the tune of Misery no less._

"_Your limp asparagus you pile in excess. It puts me in a state of extreme distress. It may be good for me, but I don't really care. Cause eating vegetables just causes more despair. So I will eat, unhappily. I don't like broccoli. Can I get some melted cheese? Oh yeah." _

_I'd go on, but I posted the entire song to Youtube for your viewing pleasure._

Crtl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt, _

_I am thoroughly embarrassed. I was wearing those pants that you like (yes, my butt grab pants). Karlie asked that we play Dance Dance Revolution. I told her we couldn't or we would wake the baby. So instead she challenged me to a dance off. She was kicking like a Rockette. Then she tried to do a split but couldn't go down all the way. She asked me if I could do a split. So I decided to try. Not a smart idea while wearing BGPs. I went down, and so did a tear, right down the back of my pants. It's true._

_I ripped the BGPs. _

_Please don't cry. I need you to fix them. The tear isn't terribly big (yet large enough for Karlie to make a joke about my underwear). If not we'll have to go shopping again and you'll have to help me find a new pair._

_And you know what happens when we're pantless in dressing rooms. _

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Dear Kurt,_

_You know what stinks? Klement's diaper. He's up, and he needs a changing. I always hate this part. When we adopt, we're getting someone who's potty trained. I've had enough experience with the yellow Fountain of Youth to last. _

_I've finally mastered the art of diaper origami. I can get him to hold still and fit the diaper on him. Turns out the Barney theme song is very soothing to him. _

_I feel ashamed admitting I still remember the Barney theme song, but that's not the point here._

_Karlie was watching me do it. It was making me really nervous, as if she was grading me. Evidently, she said she wanted to learn how to change a baby. I showed her step by step. Now she can change his diapers. Hopefully, because he sure goes a lot._

_I should apologize to my parents for having to change my diapers all those times ago. I know it was their responsibility, but I could've held it in. Or at least sat still while they tried to change me. I was a very squirmish baby. Very ticklish._

_There is a slight possibility that the latter may still be true. _

_Not that you need to test that out. It's not like all tickle wars end in making out like on tv._

_Maybe we should test it out after all._

Ctrl-A-Delete

_Despite the fact that her birthday isn't anytime soon, Karlie wants me to start planning for her birthday party. She says that the best extravaganzas (well, she said "extra vagazas" but you can't expect her to pronounce a word that long correctly at her age) are planned months in advance. I decided to play along. She did eat her broccoli after all. _

_She said she wanted a theme party. Not anything normal, like pirates, or pajamas, or swimming. No, she wants a Lady Gaga party._

_I told her I refuse to wear a meat dress. They'd probably lay me on the grill, eat all the meat and then I'd be naked. There are only select times that I should be naked. At a child's party is not one of them. _

_Her next great idea? The circus. As in, hire an actual circus with elephants and acrobats and the works. In my backyard. I do not want to be responsible for cleaning up whatever mess that elephant leaves behind. Or those kids. So people do not like clowns. Like how you aren't too fond of vampires._

_She wants me to ask you for ideas because I'm shooting all of her's down._

_She called me a _

Error.

_Dear Kurt, _

_I am freaking out right now. Karlie went to the kitchen to grab a glass of milk and when she came back she tripped over a toy that she had left out. The same toy I had told her to put away three times. (Told her three times. She only had to put it away once.) And then the milk ended spilling all over my laptop. Which is now broken, and I'm borrowing my aunt's laptop to write you this message. I was going to ask you for birthday party tips for Karlie. But now I'm more concerned with not crying over spilled milk, which is really hard, because my laptop is ruined. This sucks. _

_If you do have any ideas you can text me. Or come over. I could use a hug. If not, I'll see you tomorrow. We're still on for our coffee date yes? _

_Love, _

_Blaine_

_(P.S. I also ruined my BGPs, so you should fix them. Then at least one of my problems will be solved.)_


End file.
